


Picking Up The Pieces

by JudyOct98



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Post-Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), character heartbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 01:07:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 53,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19879072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudyOct98/pseuds/JudyOct98
Summary: Takes place at the end of "Endgame." When the ship returns, Kathryn bids a tearful farewell to Chakotay, and then disappears. He goes to locate her years later. A happy ending, I assure you!!!





	Picking Up The Pieces

Disclaimer: The characters are owned By Paramount, the story is mine.  
Summary: Takes place at the end of "Endgame." When the ship returns, Kathryn bids a tearful farewell to Chakotay, and then disappears. He goes to locate her years later. A happy ending, I assure you!!!  
Rating: PG-13/R (Part 1) 

Picking Up The Pieces  
By J.A. Greene 

Unremembered and afar  
I watched you as I watched a star,  
Through darkness struggling into view  
And I loved you better than you knew. 

-Elizabeth Akers Allen

They were home, she couldn't believe it. After the plan the admiral had told her what was needed to get them home 16 years earlier than the first timeline represented. 

Their flight through the Borg transwarp corridor was stressful enough. When Tom said the only portal not destroyed yet led back to the Delta Quadrant, she was ready to accept their fate of living out the next several years there. But when they plowed through the fire and destruction of the Borg sphere that ended up in the Alpha Quadrant, her throat choked up. The Starfleet vessels that lay armed and ready for a Borg attack stood down seeing Voyager enter Alpha Quadrant space for the first time in seven years. 

Her brief conversation with Admiral Paris and then the Doctor called from sickbay, a newborn baby's cries filled the bridge. She told Tom to go meet his daughter, had Chakotay take the helm and she walked into her ready room and began to cry. 

She not only cried because of their miracle return, but for her loss of Chakotay to Seven. She figured he didn't realize she knew about them yet, her heart ached over what she lost and gained. She got her crew home, but she had lost the one man who meant her entire life to her. She waited too long, and now he was gone forever from her.

When Tuvok alerted her that they'd be entering the Terran system within the next hour, she decided to join the rest of the crew. She went into the small bathroom located off her ready room and fixed her make-up and hair. She walked back out to the bridge walking slowly around, smiling gently at everyone. She stopped by Harry and patted his hand, he smiled back at her.

Then the comm beeped, "Paris to bridge." 

She glanced up, "yes, Mr. Paris? How's the baby? B'Elanna?"

"Come down and see for yourself," he said. "I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of Voyager." 

She smiled and her gaze took her to Chakotay who still sat at the helm. He smiled as well, but not for her, not anymore. She felt her heart lurch, but swallowed it and said, "we'll be right there Tom. Commander?" He stood up leaving the helm to an ensign and met her over by the lift. "You have the bridge Tuvok."

"Yes.” Captain," he replied. 

Kathryn entered the lift with Chakotay, the doors slid closed, "sickbay," she told the computer and the lift sank. They were both quiet for a moment. 

He glanced at her, "are you okay?" 

She nodded, "yes, why do you ask?" 

He shrugged, "I don't know, you just seem so quiet, I think I expected you to be a little happier now that we're home." 

She couldn't look at him, she forced her tears back and managed to say while keeping her voice firm, "I think I'm just overwhelmed by all that's happened. What the admiral said and did." 

He nodded, "yeah, it was all hard to believe. I never expected to be taking orders from two Kathryn Janeway's." She glanced at him with a small smirk, "but I found out I kinda enjoy the current one." 

Kathryn's jaw clenched, she wanted to burst into tears so bad at that moment her eyes stung. Instead she controlled it and said, "I don't know, two is better than one." 

The lift slowed, he stared at her, "maybe." The doors opened and they walked out to greet Miral Paris who waited in sickbay with her parents. 

=/\=

Kathryn was taken by little Miral and allowed to hold her newest crewmember. As she did quietly, B’Elanna lay on the biobed while Chakotay stood watching her. 

B'Elanna glanced at him, "Chakotay?" 

He looked at her, "yes?" 

"Something wrong with the captain?" she asked curiously. 

He glanced over at Kathryn, Tom had joined her. He looked back at her, "why do you ask?" 

She shrugged, "I don't know, she just seems different." 

"I asked her the same thing," he replied. "She told me she's just overwhelmed by all that's happened these past few days." 

"I suppose," B'Elanna said, still unsure. 

Miral began to cry, Kathryn smiled and walked back over. "I think she wants her mother," and B'Elanna held out her arms Kathryn placed Miral back in her arms. "Tom has convinced me that we should hold a party on the holodeck when we dock or land back at Earth.” 

"Sounds like a good idea," Chakotay said. 

She glanced over at him, "well, I also plan on having the entire crew present when the admiral boards. I’ll need you to escort him –“

He stared at her, " -yes, Captain." 

She looked at Tom, "Tom can you get a simple program together for the party? I don't want to take you too far away from your family -" 

He shook his head, " - no problem Captain. Besides, I'll have Harry help me as well. Let me get B'Elanna and Miral back to our quarters and I'll get started." 

She nodded, "that's fine. Oh, and be sure to break out the champagne glasses and plenty of champagne." 

"I'll get it all ready," he told her. 

She glanced around at all of them, she smiled softly. "Very well then, if you'll excuse me," and she left. 

=/\=

An hour later, Tom was back at the helm and Kathryn was sitting on the bridge with Chakotay as Earth loomed on the viewscreen before them. The entire crew was watching on monitors throughout the ship, some were crying and cheering. The entire comm system was open, she could hear it all and let the tears slide down her face. 

Chakotay glanced at her, he smiled gently at her. She wiped her eyes with a soft smile. "We're being hailed by Starfleet Command," Tuvok said. 

Kathryn sighed, she stood up, "open the channel Tuvok. Put it on the viewscreen." 

“Yes, ma’am,” he said. 

The screen changed. Before them stood Admiral's Paris, Necheyev and now Reg Barclay. "Welcome home Captain," Paris said.

“Thank you Admiral," she said. "It's good to be home." 

"Land Voyager," he told her, "outside Starfleet Headquarters. We'll be waiting for you. And I look forward to meeting your crew." 

Kathryn swallowed, "likewise, sir." 

"Paris out," he said and the screen switched back to Earth drawing closer. 

She stepped down to Tom putting her hand on his shoulder, "you heard him Tom. Set a course for Starfleet Headquarters. Show them how to land this ship." 

He smiled glancing up at her, "yes, ma'am," he nodded inputting the coordinates. 

When Tom sailed the ship through the atmosphere to Starfleet Headquarters, they were greeted with large colorful plasma explosions as they passed the San Francisco Bridge over the bay. To celebrate, Tom circled the base, dipping the starboard nacelle towards the waiting crowds below who cheered and applauded the lost starship's return. 

He extended the ship's landing struts as the ship lowered down onto the huge tarmac beside headquarters. The gust of wind blew up as the engines were disengaged and an enclosed walkway automatically extended out to the nearest airlock located on the primary hull. 

Kathryn had the crew report to deck five and line each side of the corridor towards the holodeck. Soon as all were assembled, she stood at the airlock and opened it. The doors slid open revealing Admiral Paris, Necheyev, Hayes and Reg Barclay. 

"Permission to come aboard, captain?" Paris asked. 

She smiled, "permission granted Admiral," he stepped forward shaking her hand. Necheyev and Hayes stepped in shaking her hand as well. Reg stood before her, she grinned, "oh Reg, its good to finally meet you in person." 

He smiled shaking her hand, "oh, it's the same for me captain."

"I must say," Paris said as she turned to him. "Your return to the Alpha Quadrant was quite impressive. The media is going crazy with the news -" 

“-It'll be in my report," she told him. He glanced down the corridor seeing her crew standing at attention. The ship looked clean, impressive. She indicated for him to walk with her, "my crew is ecstatic to be home, these last few days have been extraordinary to say the least." 

"I can imagine," he said as they walked towards the holodeck. 

"If you and the rest don't mind," she said as they walked around a bend in the corridor. "We'd like to delay the debriefings for a day or so. We have a party planned in the holodeck and a champagne toast ready." 

Paris glanced at the others, "I think that's a wonderful idea." 

Kathryn nodded, "excellent. Oh, and I believe there's someone you'd like to meet." 

"Meet?" Paris asked curious, 

"We wanted to surprise you," Kathryn told him. They ended the walk outside the holodeck. Her senior staff stood waiting, Tom stood next to B'Elanna who was holding Miral. "You know your son, of course." 

"Of course," Paris replied and Tom stepped forward. 

"Hello, sir," he said. 

"Son," Paris said, the resistance broke and they embraced happily. Kathryn smiled, wiping at the tears in her eyes. 

Tom sniffed holding his father, after a moment he pulled away and dried his eyes. "Sir, I believe you know my wife, B'Elanna Torres?" Paris nodded, "but I'd like to introduce you to your granddaughter, Miral Paris."

Paris' eyes widened in surprise seeing the newborn in B'Elanna's arms. "When?" he asked shocked. 

"Believe it or not," Kathryn said smiling. "She was born just as we entered the Alpha Quadrant." 

"Oh my -" Paris said, he was speechless. He knew of B'Elanna, but now finding out he'd just become a grandfather was beyond words. He stepped over to B'Elanna smiling, "welcome to the family B'Elanna." 

She smiled, "thank you, sir. And this is Miral." 

"She's beautiful," he said in awe. 

"Yes, she is," Tom said. 

Kathryn gave them a moment, then sighed, "Admirals, I'd like to introduce you to the rest of my staff,” he nodded turning. She stood beside him, "this is Commander's Tuvok and Chakotay -" both nodded to the admirals. They stepped more to the left, "Ensign Harry Kim and the Doctor," then another glance and step. "And Seven of Nine." 

Paris nodded to all of them, "all of you deserve a heartfelt welcome home. You've all done an extraordinary job and are commended for the years spent in the Delta Quadrant facing unbelievable odds. The odds of two completely different crews -Starfleet and Maquis combining into a Starfleet crew are quite impressive. Soon as the celebrations, debriefings and ceremonies are complete, you are to be given a three month leave." Everyone cheered, "now, what do you say we start that party?" 

"Just give the word Admiral," Kathryn said. 

"It's your ship Captain Janeway," he replied. 

She turned meeting Chakotay's eyes, "commander if you will?" 

Chakotay nodded, "of course. Admiral's, if you'll follow me?" He walked forward stepping in front of the holodeck doors. They slid open and he led the admiral's and Reg Barclay onto the holodeck. Kathryn followed and the rest of the staff and crew. 

=/\=

Several hours later the party was in full swing. Kathryn allowed only two media personals on board to report the event. The champagne was poured and everyone made toasts to her and the crew, B'Elanna, Tom and little Miral. 

Everyone sat and stood talking over the champagne and food. Soon Kathryn stood back watching her staff and crew celebrating. She held her champagne glass observing Chakotay with Seven for the first time. He was smiling and looked truly happy, happier than she thought he had in years. Tears welled up in her eyes, she wanted to be happy for them, but couldn't seem to be. Seven looked happy, she wanted Seven to be happy, but her heart was just so broken it was impossible. 

She blinked back the tears glancing around, no one was with her. She was thankful for that at the moment. Then figured since she had socialized enough with everyone, it was time to leave. She needed to be alone, all her captain's duties performed to perfection. She figured she also wouldn't be missed. She saw a half-filled bottle of champagne nearby and picked it up deciding to celebrate in private. 

Slowly she left the holodeck, her crew and friends to mourn her loss in private. 

She walked the ship, its corridors and rooms empty. She stood in engineering gazing up at the warp engine, astrometrics, sickbay, and the messhall. She remembered all the good and bad times in these locations. She wiped the tears from her eyes and soon found herself on her empty bridge. She stood for a moment staring at Chakotay's seat and raised her glass silently to him, stepped down into her ready room where she removed her uniform jacket and sat down on her sofa staring out at the headquarters. The tears began to slide down her face. 

=/\= 

Shortly later down in the holodeck after being interviewed for the second time, Chakotay stood next to Seven and Harry holding his champagne. He let everyone know about himself and Seven, some were surprised at this new relationship, some not for some reason. But something wasn't right now. 

He tried to pinpoint it glancing around the room looking for Kathryn. He didn't see her anywhere, he looked at Harry. "Harry, where's the Captain?" 

Harry shrugged, "I saw her leave a little over a half hour ago. I don't know where." 

"She didn't say anything?" 

He shook his head, "no. All I saw her do is take a bottle of champagne and leave." 

Chakotay looked at Seven who raised her eyebrow in question. This was definitely odd for Kathryn to do. "She should be here, it's her celebration as much as ours." 

"Perhaps she wanted," Seven suggested, "to begin preparing for the debriefings?" 

Chakotay stared at her, Seven saw something deep in his eyes. A look he only got when the Captain was on his mind. He shook his head, "no, she wouldn’t do that yet. Wait a minute," he said and tapped his commbadge. "Chakotay to Janeway," and received no response. "Chakotay to Janeway, respond please." Still no answer. He began to worry, "I've got to go look for her -" 

"-Would you like some help?" Harry offered. 

He shook his head, "no, I know she's okay. Why she's not responding to her hails is beyond me. Stay with Seven Harry, don't let those reporters corner her." 

He nodded, "yes, sir." 

"I'll be back," he told her and kissed her gently. He turned walking away and outside the holodeck into the corridor. "Computer, locate Captain Janeway." 

"Captain Janeway," it replied, "is in her ready room." He nodded and headed to the nearest turbo-lift. 

=/\=

Kathryn heard his hails, but didn't respond. She had been crying softly since arriving in her ready room. She had more champagne to dull the heartache. She knew she was getting drunk, but didn't care anymore. If only she'd responded to Chakotay sooner, he wouldn't have turned to another woman, especially Seven. If only ... 

And now she knew he was on his way up. She didn't answer his hails, it was just a matter of time. So she began wiping her eyes and face for his arrival. A few moments later her doorchime rang, she smirked. It took less than ten minutes for him to find her. She sighed, "come in commander," and heard the doors slide open. 

Chakotay stepped in finding her sitting on the sofa with her back turned to him. The bottle of champagne sat on her table, she held the glass. She didn't turn to him. He knew something was wrong then, he walked up to her. "Kathryn, why'd you leave the party?" 

Kathryn didn't respond for a moment, she sighed, "I forgot how beautiful Starfleet Headquarters was at night," her voice shook some. The lights from the buildings on the base created a beautiful, serene panoramic view. 

She'd been crying, that he knew. He slowly sat down beside her, seeing the dried tears and her tear-stained face. He was worried, more tears were forming and she wiped them away. 

"What's wrong? Aren't you happy we finally made it home?" 

She nodded, "of course I am!" 

“Why are you crying Kathryn?" he asked her gently. "Everyone was starting to wonder where you were." 

She sighed wiping the tears away, "are you happy with Seven?" she asked him. 

Chakotay stared at her, this was making her upset? Although he wondered how she knew because she wasn't around when he let the rest of the crew know about them. He sighed, "well, it's still new for the both of us. We only dated a few times...but, yes. I think I'm very happy." She nodded, more tears spilled down her face. "Why?" 

Kathryn moaned trying to stop the tears, "I must have been too blind or naive to think you'd wait for me all these years." He sat now shocked at this, she continued. "Instead another woman entered your life. I'm...just a little surprised it turned out to be Seven." 

"Oh Kathryn -" he said gently to her. He wasn't sure what to say to her. He sighed, "it just happened between us -" 

She shrugged, " -oh, I understand. I once remember it 'just happening' between us on New Earth." He sighed, she continued. "I'll get over you in due time Chakotay. I know I will." She whimpered softly, "I just didn't think it'd hurt this bad -" 

His heart went out to her, "-Kathryn -" 

"-Do you think," she asked him, "Lake George is a nice place to rest?" He glanced down not answering, she sighed. "No, I don't think so. Spending all that time on the holodeck in that program with you wouldn't make me feel any better. Someplace different, so I can grieve for what I lost -" she gritted her teeth, the tears continued to fall. She gave up trying to wipe them away. "I think I'll go home first and then perhaps Hawaii or even Mexico? Those beaches are nice, it'd give me time to catch up on all those books I've missed over the years." 

Chakotay was shocked to say the least at her heartbroken confession that she was still in love with him. He figured in the years since New Earth that she only felt friendship for him when she stepped back from consummating a relationship he was more than willing to take part in. She hid it all well and now they were home and he had fallen for Seven only a month earlier. Was this really happening? 

He didn't know what to say to her, he wished he knew the right words. He sighed, "Kathryn I didn't know you still felt this way -" 

She looked at him, her eyes bright with her tears. God, she was still so beautiful, he only wished she'd told him sooner. "How could you Chakotay? I hid behind my Starfleet principles and protocol thinking that fraternization between a commanding officer and her first officer improper. I gave up on Jaffen, who was willing to stay with me - and, now when we're home, I've realized I just lost the most...precious person in my life...to another woman." 

"I'm so sorry," he said to her tenderly. He reached out to stroke some of her tears away, but she pulled away from him standing up. "Kathryn, I do love you -" 

"-Don't!" she said angrily. "Just don't say it Chakotay. I already know you're no longer in love with me. Platonic love, that’s it.” She picked up the champagne bottle, her hands shook, "please, just don't...touch me. This is hard enough as it is." She poured herself another glass, he stared up at her shocked knowing she was now getting deliberately drunk, too numb the pain she was feeling. She then raised her glass to him and swallowed, "to you and Seven. I wish you ... all the happiness in the world," and she drank some. 

This was so unlike her, he didn't want to leave her this way, he stood up. "Kathryn, please ... it doesn't have to be this way -" 

“-Will you so kindly," she said firmly, "please leave me alone now?"

He shook his head, "can't we just be friends?" 

She sighed, "I'm afraid that being just your friend now isn’t enough Chakotay. Since I can't have the other part of this relationship I've hoped for so long. I don't think I can handle just being friends anymore.” She sipped the champagne glass gazing at him. "So if you'll leave me alone..." she turned her back to him again. “I'll see you at the debriefings commander -" 

"-Kathryn-" 

"-Dismissed!" she snapped at him, her voice shaking. 

Chakotay stared at her, she didn't say anything else. Far as he could tell, she said all that she wanted. Within the last twenty minutes she had severed their friendship and he feared their partnership. He wasn't sure if they'd ever serve together again. With a silent nod, he turned leaving her as he headed out. His heart and head were now confused knowing there were two women in love with him. One, that loved him for many years and the other who was just expanding that part of her humanity. He took one last glance at Kathryn standing against her viewports. The stars peeked through the velvet black sky. He walked out of her ready room for one of the last times. 

Six Years Later. June 2377. 

The surf of the Pacific Ocean rolled up in bubbling waves, almost sizzling as they washed along the shoreline along a private beach in Maui. Seagulls cried out overhead, the sun beat down on the pearl-white sand, the palm trees in the forest nearby swayed to the gentle wind. 

It was quiet here and isolated, something Kathryn Janeway had come to love and accept as now part of her chosen life. She had decided to settle here on this isolated part of the island when she discovered it during her three-month leave after Voyager returned home. The weather was mild, the view of the ocean and hearing the waves at night, the birds was soothing to her. Almost like a lullaby to her sometimes. 

She found the house in disrepair, it was available to her if she wanted it. She had decided to take a temporary leave of absence from Starfleet, it would be indefinite. Although she occasionally was asked to lecture at the academy once a year. 

So, she bought the house and had it restored, doing most of the work herself except for the plumbing which needed replacing, having a nice large deck built on the back of the house that led to her own private beach. And a new porch built on the side of the house that led to a medium-sized garden where she grew her own vegetables, planted an orange tree and other various fruits, plus a small flower garden. 

She also kept in touch with various members of her crew, except Chakotay. She asked Tom and B'Elanna not to reveal her whereabouts to him, if he ever asked, but figured he'd respect her privacy nonetheless. She had heard from Tom a year later that Chakotay and Seven finally married that same month and were now living in Arizona. Hearing that news only brought fresh tears to her, she still couldn't be happy for them. She was no longer happy. She sat on her beach that same hour after hearing the news and cried for hours. 

After that, as each month wore on, she slowly got over Chakotay. She busied herself with keeping house and her garden, shopping when necessary. She spent a lot of time on her beach, walking it and reading. Letters were sent to her through Tom from Tuvok and any other former crewmember that wished to contact her. 

Since living on the island, her skin had deepened to a golden brown and her hair lighter. She enjoyed swimming in the surf digging up her own clams and preparing them for a meal. 

Today she walked along the surf her bare feet being washed over with the waves, her filmy white sundress blew around her legs as she carried a book and wore a sun hat. She had her hair tied behind her, since it had grown out some in the past six months. She planned on getting it trimmed again shortly. 

The sound of the waves crashed in the distance and the seagulls screamed overhead, some landing near looking for any food she might have. Some swooped down taking fish out of the water.

One swooped near her, she smiled waving him away, “not today! Sorry everyone,” they cried their disappointment in return. She liked to occasionally feed them with fruit and left over fish she bought from the market. They went on to finding other means for food.

Right now she was heading back to her house to have something to drink, make something for lunch and finish reading the book on the chaise lounge on her deck.

As she approached her house, she saw a figure standing on the beach. She squinted in the bright sunlight shading her eyes as she headed up ready to tell that person it was private property. As she neared, the shape of the figure became more pronounced and she recognized it.

She suddenly felt her mouth go dry and knees weak shocked. It had been six years since last seeing him, her heart lurched at the thought of him suddenly appearing on her property. She swallowed hard and slowly approached, and as she did, she noticed he had aged some, there was a little grey flecked over his ears, but he was still incredibly handsome.

Soon as she was within earshot, she said firmly, “you have heard that trespassing on private property is against the law?”

Chakotay stood staring at Kathryn, who was suntanned, dressed in a filmy white sundress and had a sun hat on her head. Her blue eyes stood out against her darkened skin. The breeze blew her skirt around her shapely legs and waist. She had lost some weight over the years and was more toned than he’d ever seen her. She looked beautiful like this.

“Hello Kathryn,” he said.

She stopped for a moment glaring up at him, then walked past him, “how’d you find me Chakotay?”

He turned watching her walk up onto her covered deck and take off her hat turning to him. He slowly stepped up onto the deck, “actually I had no idea where to find you – ” she waited staring at him. He could tell she wasn’t too happy to see him. He sighed, “Tom told me after I hounded him enough.”

She groaned and pulled out a chair at the white frosted glass table sitting down in the comfortable cushioned seat. “Looks like I need to have a nice chat with my former helm officer. He knew I didn’t want to be found –“

“It’s not his fault –“ Chakotay said.

“Really?” she asked him sharply gazing at him. They stared at each other for several moments, she then sighed, “what do you want Chakotay?”

He wanted to sit down beside her, but didn’t. She hadn’t invited him here so it was presumptuous that she’d invite him to join her at her deck table. In fact, he could tell she was getting a little angry just looking at him. “I want to talk,” he finally said.

“What about?” she asked him simply. “I thought we said everything that was needed the night of the party.”

He shook his head, “no Kathryn, you said all that you wanted that night. And if I recall correctly, you were just a little drunk on some champagne.”

She then shook her head at him holding up a finger, “oh no, correction on that – after you left, I got very drunk. I drank myself until I passed out in my ready room from the alcohol and my tears.” He glanced down, she shrugged, “I woke up the next morning with a hell of a headache and my mind clearer than it ever had been. Then I got ready for the debriefings. Isn’t it amazing how you never noticed?”

“I noticed,” he told her.

She still stared at him, he wasn’t looking at her now. She sighed, “how’s Seven doing?” At least she could ask about his wife and her former crewmember.

Chakotay didn't respond, he slowly lifted his head looking at her, "Seven died almost two years ago." 

Kathryn was shocked at this news, since she hadn't read anything in the news about it. Apparently Chakotay had kept it quiet for Seven's benefit. "I'm sorry," she said softly. 

"May I?" he asked her indicating to a chair across from her. 

She nodded and waited while he sat down. Once he was she asked, "how'd it happen?" 

Chakotay folded his hands, and then pulled them apart flexing his fingers. He sighed, "her cortical node began to malfunction. I called the Doctor to help, we had her transported to Starfleet Medical and he did everything he could. But, without Borg technology available to us, we watched her die within a few days." 

"So she was still regenerating?" 

He nodded, "yes, but only for a few hours a week. She had learned to adapt to a normal life pretty much. Learned to sleep in a bed and...other things."

Kathryn knew what he meant by 'other things.' She sighed, "children?" 

He shook his head, "no, we tried. But ... her implants ruined her chances to have a child." 

She nodded, it was sad this had happened. "You must miss her very much." 

He shrugged, “I did for awhile. It was difficult watching her die and I could do nothing about it except be there and hold her." He paused staring at her, "I went back to Dorvan Five to recover from my grief, and visited my sister, stayed there for awhile. About six months ago while taking a walk, I suddenly thought of you." 

She raised her eyebrow, "why?” 

"I wanted," he replied, "to see if we could be friends again." 

"You came to Earth for that?" she asked in disbelief. He nodded, she sighed, "I don't know Chakotay. It took a long time for me to ... get over you and those years in the Delta Quadrant." 

Chakotay nodded, "I understand Kathryn. It probably was very difficult for you -" she glared at him. He had no idea of the emotional turmoil she went through after he left her for Seven. "I'd just like a second chance."

Kathryn couldn't believe he was approaching her with this. Just soon as she had the book forever closed on him and shelved, he shows up wanting to take part in her life again. She was saddened at the loss of Seven, who meant a lot to her during the years on Voyager, but she had married Chakotay and was in his care then. But she determined even if she had kept in contact with Seven during that period, there was nothing she could have done for her anyway. But he wanted back in her life now, that was a difficult request of him to her. She sighed, "Chakotay I'm going to have to think about this." 

He stared at her, and then nodded, "I understand. I know you probably weren't expecting to ever see me again." He slowly stood up to leave, "could I stop by again?" 

Kathryn stared up at him in thought, and then said, "I wouldn't mind a visit now and then." Chakotay smiled gently at her, hope shining in his face. He still hadn't lost those incredible dimples. 

"Goodbye Kathryn," he said gently. “Thank you for actually talking to me and not kicking me out of your house." 

"You had a lucky day," she said deadpanned, not smiling. He smiled and then turned stepping down onto the beach and walked away. Most likely to a more remote spot to request a beam-out. She watched his figure retreat further away and then leaned forward putting her face in her hands with a groan, "are you insane Kathryn?" 

Three days later Kathryn knelt with a spade working on the vegetables in her garden. She wore an old pair of pants, tankshirt and an old white shirt unbuttoned, but the ends tied into a knot mid-abdomen. She worked with a stubborn weed and cursed at it. She dug deeper with the spade breaking the roots and then began to pull it out. Suddenly it gave snapping and she fell backwards onto her backside holding the offending weed in her hands. She chuckled to herself with pride, "gotcha! Child of the twenty-fourth century, huh? This child can pull weeds like the rest of them." 

“Need help?" 

Kathryn gasped quickly glancing up seeing Chakotay standing just outside her garden. He was dressed in a white linen shirt and soft beige trousers. His dark eyes and hair stood out against the pale colors. She smirked, "no thank you. I have it all under control." She then threw the weed into an open wastebucket and began to stand, she was surprised to see him so soon after his first visit. She found a part of her was glad to see him again, but fought it down. She didn't want to be hurt again, he smiled at her. She didn't. Instead she brushed the dirt off her pants, "I was about to have some tea. Would you like some?" 

Chakotay was enjoying seeing her this way, he shrugged, "sounds good."

"Come on," she replied and stepped up onto the small porch pulling open the sliding glass door. He followed her inside. "I never expected,” he said, "to see you drink tea in the middle of the afternoon Kathryn." 

She glanced at him, "iced tea?" Chakotay chuckled at her humor, wishing he'd picked up on it. She shook her head walking across to the small kitchen opposite the open room. 

Chakotay put his hands into his pockets gazing around her house. The living and dining area were connected through an open space. The walls were whitewashed and bordered with a floral motif. There was matching furniture, consisting of a plush sofa, armchair and a cherry wood and glass coffee table. Small palm trees in large pots sat in the corners. He saw a stone hearth with a black fire-resistant mesh in front of it, a stone face. Pictured adorned the mantle, there was a da Vinci oil reproduction hanging above the mantle. 

He saw the dining table was also cherry wood with a glass surface, a vase of fresh hibiscus sat in some water. The table sat six and the dining room was attached to the two large glass sliding doors that led out to the deck. The doorway had a pretty floral window-dressing and white sheer curtain, which was drawn halfway across. 

The lights were off, but the house was cool. He walked towards the small counter/bar separation between the kitchen and the dining room. She had pulled out a pitcher of the cold tea and was looking in a cabinet for two glasses. 

"You have a nice place," he said. "Did you decorate?" 

She nodded, "yes, it helped keep my mind off more depressing thoughts." 

He didn't have an answer to that comment. After his first visit, three days before, he knew she was still bitter over losing him. He hoped they could fix that. He noticed her small kitchen had all the modern conveniences consisting of a replicator, cooler, small stove, counter space and cabinets. It was odd seeing her here and not on the bridge of a starship. But she looked surprisingly at home and comfortable. She had six years to get comfortable like this. 

Kathryn saw him studying her, she poured them each a glass, handed one to him. He took it, she walked around into the dining room, pulled out a chair and sat down, and he did the same opposite her. 

They sat quietly for a few moments, and then he said, "how have you been Kathryn?" 

She stared at him, "the last three days?" He shook his head, she shrugged slightly, "I know what you mean." She ran a fingertip along her glass and gazed out at the ocean before her. After several minutes she said, "it was extremely difficult during those months of shoreleave when we got back. I came to Hawaii after visiting my mother and Phoebe and I found a solitude here. One day while I was walking on this beach, my hotel was about two miles down the beach, I discovered this place. It was in need of some work, but it was available so I bought it. 

“I took an extended leave," she continued, "and eventually got an indefinite leave of absence from Starfleet. I'm occasionally asked to lecture at the academy however." 

He nodded, "do you enjoy being this isolated from everyone Kathryn?" 

She smirked, "I'm not completely isolated Chakotay. In my office I have access to any news I need. And, my closest neighbor is less than a mile away down that way," she pointed down the beach. She sighed, "but I do enjoy the solitude of the beach and the ocean." 

He stared at her as they sat in silence for a few moments. He tasted her iced tea and found it cool and refreshing with a hint of mint to it. She wasn't really looking at him, but at something else in the room or outside. He sighed, "Kathryn, I'm sorry I hurt you those year's ago.” 

Kathryn glanced at him, her eyes clouded over slightly. "It's the past Chakotay. I’ve overcome it." 

"Yes, but –” 

Her face darkened as she frowned, "Chakotay if you don't stop right now you might as well leave," her voice was tight with emotion. 

He sensed this was an area she wasn't willing to talk about. Not yet. It was enough she'd let him visit again. 

After a moment she sighed calming, "so what are you doing now?" 

"I've been teaching," he replied, "anthropology and paleontology at the academy." 

She gazed at him for a moment, "I was there almost a year ago giving a lecture and I didn't see you listed as a professor." 

"That's because," he replied, "I only started there six months ago. That’s where I ran into Tom since he's teaching shuttle piloting. He finally told me where to find you because no one else knew or weren't talking. I had a sense he and B'Elanna did, so I pestered him." She smirked at him, "are you mad that I contacted you?" 

She sighed, "not really. I was just surprised I guess. Only Tom and B’Elanna knows where I am, the head of the academy and the Doctor." 

Chakotay nodded, then said surprised, "the Doctor knew?" She nodded, "and I drilled him continuously, he kept denying it. Tom and B’Elanna did at the beginning as well." 

"Well when you don't," she said, "want to be found, you won't. Until this week that is." 

"I'm sorry," he told her and meant it. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon talking of their former crew and what they were doing now. She didn't make anything to eat, since she was still unsure of where they were going with their visits. He soon decided to leave, asking again to visit her. She allowed it, he set up a day to meet the following week, after the semester ended at the academy. He was teaching a summer course in advanced paleontology, but was pretty much free the entire summer. 

She walked him to the door and he left as she closed the door behind him. 

That next week Chakotay stood at his desk in his lecture room at the academy sorting padds and papers when his doors slid open. Tom poked his head in, "Chakotay -?" 

He glanced over seeing his former helm officer, now a lieutenant commander. "What do you want Tom?" 

Tom stepped inside, the doors slid quietly closed, "have you seen the captain yet?" 

Chakotay put a stack of padd’s in his room storage locker. He sighed, "yes, twice now. Needless to say, she wasn't too happy either time." 

"Did you tell her -" 

He nodded, " -yes, I had to. There was no way to explain how I found her." 

Tom winced, "I'm on her death list now, aren't I?" 

Chakotay smirked at him, "I can't really say. We didn't talk about you, she's still angry over what happened. But we're talking again, so I'm taking that as a good sign." 

"Well," Tom sighed, "that's good to know." He glanced at the wall chronometer, "geez, I've got a shuttle simulation to teach in twenty minutes. I'd better go." He headed out, and then turned back to him, "join myself and the family for dinner tonight?" 

Chakotay smiled softly, "sure. I'd love to." 

"Great," Tom said. "I'll let B'El know. How's around 1900 hours sound?" 

"Works for me," Chakotay said. 

"Our apartment," Tom told him and headed out. He then popped back in, "you know where that is, right?" 

He nodded, "yes I do. Go to class Tom -" 

"-Bye," he said and left. 

That same week on Saturday he arrived at her house walking up to her deck where he found her placing their lunch on the placemats amidst a pitcher of iced tea, eating utensils and a basket of bread rolls. 

She gazed up at him watching him step up onto the deck. "Hello Kathryn," he said softly, happy to be with her again. He didn't let it show. 

"Right on time," she said simply. "How does roasted chicken with tossed greens sound?" 

"Delicious," he replied walking over to her. He absently leaned over to kiss her face, but she pulled away from him quickly. "I'm sorry -" 

Kathryn held her hand up quieting him, "-just don't do it again." He nodded, knowing it would be awhile before she was herself with him again. "Well, sit down," she told him. 

Chakotay did at one plate, she sat down opposite him, "did you prepare all this by hand or use the replicator?" 

She sighed, "I replicated the chicken, but I made the salad on my own. Fresh from my garden." 

"I'm impressed," he said with a smile. 

"Wait until after you taste it," she warned. 

He picked up his fork, "agreed," and they began to eat. 

During lunch he talked about his classes and student's. She told him she was glad he was finally doing something he wanted. He nodded saying it was fulfilling work and he enjoyed passing his knowledge onto the cadets. 

Once they finished eating, they decided to take a walk. She removed her sandals as they stepped down into the warm, soft sand. They didn't talk as they walked down towards the surf, she kept away from the rolling surf so his feet wouldn't get wet since he was still wearing his shoes. 

After awhile he said, "Kathryn do you stay here all the time or do you go elsewhere on the island? It's really beautiful here." 

She sighed, "I do go to an open market occasionally to buy supplies, food and clothes now and then. It's the next village over." 

"When are you going next? 

She stopped looking at him, "do you want to go shopping with me?" 

He nodded with a shrug, "yes. I think it'd be interesting to see how you're like shopping." 

She smirked at him putting her hand on her hip, "I'm not part of your field studies Chakotay. It's just shopping." 

He chuckled at her remark, "of coarse not." He stared down at her, despite her obvious sadness from being around him, she was still beautiful and part of her old self peeked through her shell. His heart swelled with the old and new love he felt for her, but she wasn't allowing herself to feel any of it. She turned away from him beginning to walk, he stepped up catching up with her, "so will you allow me to join you?" 

She didn't respond for a moment as they walked, her lean legs carrying her over the soft sand. She pushed her hair out of her face, and then she stopped turning back to him. "I'll be going in a couple of days. I usually go in the morning because everything is fresher. If you'd like to join me, you're welcome to. It's up to you." 

"I can't wait," he said. 

Kathryn was walking around her kitchen with a shoulder bag gathering stuff to take with her to the market. She put a note padd in, her credit voucher and keys when she heard a knock at her front door. She stood for a moment debating whether or not to let him in again. He was entering her life again slowly, letting her get used to being with him again. She still was uneasy to this whole new relationship he was trying to convince her of, but she'd decided to let him visit for awhile longer, until he overstepped his boundary. 

He knocked again, she sighed heading over to the front door and pulled it open. He stood on her porch dressed in a beige shirt, brown pants and shoes. "Goodmorning," he said locking her gaze with his. 

She stepped out past him pulling the door closed behind her, "goodmorning. Let's go," and stepped down onto her concrete walkway leading him to a blue ground vehicle parked nearby under an open garage. He stared at it, this is what she used to get around? He was familiar with the model, Tom had told him she had a jeep, he wasn't sure what exactly that was, but now he knew. 

Kathryn tossed her bag into the backseat and climbed into the driver's seat. He stood watching her, quite amused at this new way about her. "You drive this?" 

She put her key into the ignition, "its plasma operated, but yes I do. Are you coming or what?” He shrugged and sat down in the passenger's side, she turned it on and shifted the gear. 

"It wasn't easy as learning to pilot a shuttle or Voyager, but it was interesting and fun trying to learn." She stepped on the gas and they headed out as she pulled out onto the dirt roadway. 

Chakotay ended up holding onto his seat as she drove through the roads towards the village nearby. The wind whipped by him as she expertly maneuvered the jeep, she saw his expression and smirked. He knew it was anger fueling her way of driving today, he just hoped she didn't plan on stopping too quickly. 

She turned on a steady curve and he gripped the seat, "Kathryn! Slow down!" 

"Don't be a baby Chakotay," she said. "I'm only going forty. You've flown at warp nine for crying out loud -no, transwarp. This is nothing." 

"Speak for yourself," he said as they went up a small hill and he saw the village in the distance. He breathed a sigh of relief when she slowed down as they neared. Villagers who saw her waved and let her through. She found a vacant spot next to some other vehicles pulled in and shut it off. 

Kathryn glanced at him, his eyes were half-closed, she smirked, "you can open your eyes now, we're here." 

He opened them gazing around, she sat with an arm on the wheel and hand beside her on the seat. The wind had blown her hair around and her gaze was deep, but he saw her eyes flicker with some amusement at his reaction to this. "Good," he said, she turned away from him and got out grabbing her bag, he got out as well following her. 

He was quiet following her as she maneuvered between vendors who had their merchandise and other things available to shoppers. The products were under red and white pinstripe canopies or tents. The warm wind blew gently around them as various vendors greeted her. 

He watched her purchase various gardening supplies, food that consisted of fish, beef and some exotic fruits. She had stopped to look at a vendor's supply of beautiful Hawaiian clothing that consisted of sundresses, blouses, shorts and tops. He saw a pale pink sheer dress with tiny pearls sewn into the bodice, along the hemline and with a matching sheer bow at the waist. He'd thought she'd look stunning in it with her tanned skin and lightened hair. But he didn't mention it. 

His gaze caught a nearby jewelry vendor who was selling handmade coral necklaces, earrings and other pieces. The work was excellent and he could appreciate the handiwork. 

Kathryn was looking at a pale yellow sundress deciding whether or not she wanted it. She glanced over at him for a moment and saw him looking at another vendor's craftsmanship. At least she knew he hadn't changed when it came to appreciating fine work. 

“I think it'd look lovely on you," the female vendor said. 

Kathryn gazed at the older Hawaiian woman standing near her. The woman was only a few years older, but held that exotic beauty about her when it came to their people. She sighed, "thanks, Linney. I don't know –” 

Linney saw Chakotay waiting for Kathryn, she smiled gently, "you brought a friend with you?" 

Kathryn glanced again, and then shook her head, "well -an old friend. I'm not sure anymore."

“Kathryn,” Linney said, "he looks more than just an old friend." 

Kathryn sighed gazing at her, "Linney he was nothing like that. We served together on Voyager -" 

"-He's very handsome," Linney observed. "He'd fit well into the island." 

“Well, he's not staying much longer," Kathryn stated firmly. "I'm...going to ask him to stop...visiting me." 

Linney could see the emotional turmoil in her private, but beautiful regular customer. Obviously this man had brought her great pain and it was still fresh to some extent. "He seems to care for you -" Kathryn glanced upwards, her eyes growing moist. She placed a hand gently on her arm, "I'm so sorry he hurt you Kathryn." 

Kathryn sighed shakily and wiped her eyes so he wouldn't see her tears. "Yes, well, it was a long time ago Linney." 

"Obviously not long enough," she said gently. 

Kathryn looked at her, touched by her concern for her. “I'll take it Linney, just send it to my house by tomorrow." She felt in control again, although mad at herself for letting her emotional barrier go for those few moments. 

"Okay," Linney said. "Take care Kathryn. I’ll see you in a few weeks." 

She nodded, "yes. I'll be around. Thanks Linney," she stepped away watching him for a moment. He turned looking at her, "everything should be in the jeep by now.”

"Did you see something you like?”

She shrugged, "yes, but it won't be ready until tomorrow. Let's go, I think I'm done." He nodded and they headed back to the jeep. 

=/\=

When they arrived back at the house, he was used to her driving. He helped her carry in the purchases. She was sorting some of the gardening supplies on the dining room table. He carried in the box of foodstuffs into the kitchen, "where do you want this stuff?" he asked her. 

"Fruit, fish and the beef," she replied, "go in the cooler. The spices in the third cabinet to the right of the stove. Bottom shelf." 

He nodded beginning to put the food away. They worked in silence for several minutes, his thoughts drifted back to a time on Voyager after gathering some food stuffs from a planet they took orbit of. He sighed with a slight smile, "remember that time Harry brought back those bitter fruit he thought were grapes?" 

Kathryn nodded also remembering, "yeah and Neelix insisted on using them for a new type of food to use." A soft laugh escaped her, he glanced over at her, happy to hear her laugh for the first time in years. "Thank god I said no. Leola root was enough!" 

"It’s good to hear you laugh," he said gently, and she suddenly stopped quieting. She looked away from him. 

"It was a spontaneous reaction," she said quietly. 

Chakotay walked slowly over to her, she turned away from him. "I've missed you Kathryn, its okay to laugh around me again." 

Kathryn gripped a small box of new gardening gloves, "I haven't laughed in years -" 

Chakotay's face fell as she announced how unhappy she'd been all this time. It saddened him seeing her this way. "Oh Kathryn," he said gently. She didn't respond, he didn't see her fighting her tears, "it doesn't have to be this way. Your friends miss you." 

Kathryn wiped her eyes, "I've made a new life for myself Chakotay." Her lip trembled, she sighed, "I can't go back to what I once was." 

Chakotay could hear her fighting the tears, he reached out to touch her arm. "Kathryn -" his voice broke seeing her anguish. 

She felt his hand brush her arm, she pulled away from him, "don't!" The tears were about to open like a floodgate. Her chest heaved as she tried controlling herself, but it was starting to get difficult. "Please...Chakotay, please, just leave -" 

He walked over to her, standing behind her. “No, I won't. You need someone, you need me." She began to cry softly putting her face in her hands. She shook her head as he gently placed his hands on her shoulders. She tried to pull away from him, but he drew her against him wrapping his arms around her shoulders. He tenderly kissed the nape of her neck as she started to sink against him, the tears overwhelming her. "Oh gods Kathryn how I've hurt you, I'm so sorry. I want to make it right between us again, please." 

Kathryn loved the feel of his arms around her, hearing his soft voice speaking lovingly to her. But it was too late for them now, there couldn't be anything between them anymore. It had all disappeared the night of the party. She fought to calm herself by inhaling deeply, her tears subsiding slowly, "no, NO!" She forcefully tore herself out of his arms turning to him. "There can be no more 'us' Chakotay. It's too late -too late." She wiped her face, "now will you please leave me alone and don't ever come back." 

"Kathryn-" he said. 

She walked over opening her front door to him, the tears still evident as they quietly slid down her face. "Goodbye Chakotay." He stared at her, there was no way to reason with her now, and she had kicked him officially out of her home and her life for a second time. He slowly walked to the door, she turned her head away from him, then he stepped out onto the front porch and she immediately closed the door behind him, sinking against it beginning to cry again. 

=/\=

When Chakotay returned to his apartment off base that day with his heart heavy. He was upset over Kathryn's tears and the life she had chosen for herself. All because of him choosing and marrying Seven those year's ago. 

He walked around his quiet apartment, standing before the wall that held pictures of his friends and his wife. There was one of Kathryn, but it was in a group shot taken during Ancestor's Eve when held on Voyager. She was smiling there, happy to be among her friends and family that evening 

He remembered how they talked that evening, they forgot about everyone else. Before he knew it, it was late and they were the only ones left in the messhall. She glowed that night laughing over their ancestors and he fell deeper in love with her. He was sure that night she felt the same because he almost kissed her. Her eyes flickered with uneasiness and she slightly pulled back. Her expression was now telling him they couldn't and he respected that. So instead he kissed her hand, bid her goodnight and left. 

Seven was aware of his love for Kathryn, but she didn't ever ask him about it. He never gave her any reason not to, he loved her just as much and proved it to her more than once. When they tried to conceive after marrying, her disappointment evident when being told by the Doctor that children weren't possible. It broke both their hearts, but he told her that evening in bed all that mattered was that they had each other. 

She accepted the fact and they went on with their lives. Little did they know, her change of regeneration cycles had weakened her cortical node a little bit at a time. She was inside their home working on some botanical algorithms for some new seedlings when her node began to shut down. He was in his workroom working on a new sandpainting when she called him and he heard her fall. He rushed out finding her unconscious on the floor, her skin starting to deteriorate showing tiny cybernetic and organic blood cells. 

He screamed her name, she didn't respond. That's when he called the Doctor, who told him to bring her immediately to Starfleet Medical. Chakotay called for an emergency beam-out, where they were transported immediately to the Doctor's office and labs. 

The Doctor knew immediately what was wrong, he attempted to recharge her node by attaching her to his own regenerator in case it was ever needed for her. It didn't help, her node was too far-gone. He broke the news to Chakotay and told him gently it was a matter of days before a complete system's failure would take her life. 

He accepted the diagnosis, knew there was nothing more to be done. Instead they made her comfortable in her private hospital room and he stayed with her. She regained consciousness the next day, before he could tell her what happened, she already knew. She knew she was going to die and they couldn't stop it this time, there were no Borg debris fields to search. Icheb was on his first deep space assignment and he had no more nodes to give her. He held her as she cried and he soon followed. 

The Doctor visited and monitored her progress and got Chakotay permission to stay with her until the end… 

…Three days later after midnight, he lay beside her on the biobed as she grew weaker. He stroked her hair and face. She had started to drift in and out of consciousness. 

"I'm sorry," she told him. 

"What for?" 

"Leaving you ... alone," she said. 

He shook his head gazing into her eyes, "no Seven, its okay. These have been the happiest years of my life, being with you." 

A tear slid down her face, "I shouldn't...I shouldn't have let... " 

"What love?" 

"Let ... the Doctor alter," she whispered, "my physiology ... You would have been happier ... with ... " and her eyes closed slowly.

He sat staring at her, "Seven?" She wasn't breathing, she never finished what she was telling him. He sat up now, tears burning his eyes, "oh god." He then embraced her limp body beginning to cry, "I love you," ... 

... Chakotay wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. He had Seven buried in a private cemetery in Arizona. Most of the Voyager crew who heard showed up to pay their last respects and support him. Hours after it all had ended, he stood alone in their home, her final words on his mind. She was telling him he would have been happier with someone else. He couldn't figure out who and what she was talking about. 

Two days later he packed up and took a transport home to visit his sister where he stayed for the next three years and a half. 

It was there while he was walking in the forest still thinking of what Seven said. It then occurred to him she was going to tell him he would have been happier with Kathryn. If he did originally take Kathryn as his wife, she would have still been alive most likely. 

He could see clearly now, he had passed over his initial grief. Now it was time to go back, pack up his and Seven's house, put it on the market. He told his sister and friend’s goodbye and left. 

Soon as the house was emptied and put up for sale, he returned to San Francisco where he was offered a teaching job at the academy. He accepted, it was a couple of weeks later he ran into Tom Paris. He didn't think about looking for Kathryn at that time, but several months later he overheard two professors talking about the absent Kathryn Janeway from Starfleet. How she just disappeared months after Voyager returned home. 

That's when he began asking of her whereabouts to Tom and B'Elanna, who didn't say anything. The Doctor didn't know and neither did Tuvok. It was a call with Tuvok one evening that he let Chakotay know his letters to Kathryn were being sent through Tom. He would know where she was. 

Chakotay then visited Tom in his lecture room at the academy one night after classes ended. "Tell me where she is Tom," he demanded. 

"I told you -" 

"- That's bullshit!" he snapped. "Tuvok told me his letters were being sent to her through you! Now tell me where Kathryn is!" 

"Why is it so important?" Tom asked him calmly. "She doesn't want anybody to find her Chakotay, least of all you. I promised her complete privacy, she's finally recovered over you and everything that's happened. Now you want to go and hurt her again." 

He shook his head, "that's not true -" 

"-Maybe not," Tom said. "But you have no idea how hurt she was when you up and married Seven. I'm sorry, I can't help you." 

Chakotay tried pressing Tom for more information, but he got nowhere. He contacted B'Elanna who wouldn't help him either. So he went on with his classes the next few months, but he never stopped wondering. 

One afternoon he was at lunch in the faculty dining room going over some class papers when Tom sat down opposite him with a coffee. Chakotay gazed over at him, "listen I know what I told you months ago about the Captain." He sighed, "I can't believe I'm doing this, B'Elanna will have my head if she found out." Chakotay stared at him waiting, "but ... we're worried about her.” 

"Something happen?" he asked concerned. 

Tom shook his head, "no, we're just worried that she's never going to come back to us." 

"Tom -" he said growing uneasy. 

"Don't tell B'Elanna," he replied, "I told you where she is." 

"Deal," Chakotay said. 

Tom sighed, "she owns a house in Hana. It's on Maui, in Hawaii. She has her own private beach, everything." 

Chakotay nodded, "thanks Tom. Do you have the coordinates to her house?" 

Tom gave him a slip of paper with the coordinates written on them. "Here. But, Chakotay don't tell B'Elanna and please don't hurt her again." 

"That's not my intention," he said. "I plan to bring her back home." 

"Goodluck," Tom said, "she doesn't want to ever see you again. You'll be lucky to get in the door." 

"Don't worry," he said ... 

... That was three weeks ago. It took him exactly a week to get up the nerve to just show up on her doorstep like he did. Now she had asked him to leave a second time. 

He rubbed his face in torment and then decided not to give up on her. She'd probably fight him each step of the way, but he was determined to draw her out of her shell and isolation. And to show her how much he still loved her and get her to accept that fact. 

He just needed a new approach. That's when he began to think of what he could do. 

Several days later Kathryn sat on the beach in her bathing suit -a deep, emerald green one piece with a matching light sarong wrap around her waist holding a book. She wore her sun hat as well. She sighed with a groan lowering the book unable to read. It had been a little over a week since she told Chakotay to leave her alone for once and for all. When she closed the door after him she cried for the next few hours. 

Thinking this hurt was finally over, the whole wound was reopened when he tried to apologize. She was depressed now, and angry with herself for letting her life become the way it had. She was alone, but that was by choice, she had come to live with that fact. Her visits to the academy in the past had been a nice diversion because it allowed her to see Tom and B'Elanna and spend a few days visiting Miral and her new brother. Now that Chakotay was teaching there, her visits to the academy were over. She was angry at him for that. 

Get over it, she told herself angrily. He's gone for good now. 

She pulled her legs up to her chest wrapping her arms around them, and then placed her chin on one knee. She stared out at the waves and closed her eyes listening to the quiet roll of the surf washing up on the shore. She let the effect calm and soothe her emotions. She inhaled the salty air and began to feel her body and mind relax. 

"The water looks warm," he said. 

Kathryn jumped startled and turned looking up at Chakotay who stood near her in white trousers and a light blue pullover top. She was more than shocked at his appearance again to her home, she was angry he decided to show up after she specifically told him not to return. She frowned, "what the hell are you doing here?" He didn't answer, she pushed herself to her feet, “didn’t I ask you specifically to leave me alone? I believe I did -" she began to walk away from him. 

"Kathryn wait -" he said going after her. 

"Leave me alone Chakotay!" she said angrily. "I can't take it anymore! Just when I finally find peace, you come back to me traveling at warp 10!" 

He managed to catch up with her, he reached out grabbing her arm stopping her and pulled her back to him. She resisted with all she could, but he was stronger. He pulled her up against him so she was facing him. "Kathryn you can't hide from life anymore. Your life!" 

"You have no right!" she snapped trying to pull away from him still. "To tell me how to live my life!" 

"Yes I do!" he told her firmly. "I do because I care for you. I'd played it your way for seven years and then for these past three weeks. It turns out its not working for you or me. So now we're going to try it my way." 

She stared up at him speechless, she tried pulling away again, but he held her arm in a gentle, but firm grip. "Really?" she asked, her voice deep and husky again. "Well for your information I don't want to be hurt again." 

"I've apologized for that," he said. "How many times do you want me to say it?" His face softened, "I just want to be part of your life again. More than just friends." 

Kathryn stared at him, she felt her eyes grow moist and blinked the tears back. "I don't think I could be a bridge for your wife Chakotay -"

His eyes widened, he shook his head, "no Kathryn no. I love you, I always have." 

Kathryn felt his grip loosen, she yanked herself away from him. Her eyes were on fire, "Not that kind of love. You fell out of love with me!"

"I never stopped being in love with you," he said. 

She nodded with a smirk putting her hands on her hips, "oh sure you didn't. Do you honestly think that'll change everything I've been through these past six years in an instant? What about Seven? Did you suddenly stop being in love with her?" 

"I'll never stop loving her," he said, "but that's the past Kathryn. Seven will always remain within a part of my heart. I'm living for today and tomorrow, not for yesterday." He paused as she stared at him, "I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to make up for all that we lost -" 

She began to shake her head, her body trembling. "No, Chakotay, no. I can't be like we were before all this happened. I've buried it all -at least I thought I did.” Her eyes blurred and the tears began to flow again. "Please, I...can't...I just...can't take...it anymore..." 

Chakotay walked up to her, he gently placed his hands on her arms looking down at her. "I'm not talking about the past Kathryn. I want us to start fresh again." She lifted her eyes to his, "I promise I won't ever hurt you again, let me try to show you." 

Kathryn stared up at him, his eyes and face were filled with love and concern for her. "Chakotay I -" and the tears slid more down her face. "I can't, I just can't...not anymore," and she began to sob. 

He pulled her up against him wrapping his arms around her crooning to her. "It's okay Kathryn, please just give me another chance." 

She buried her face in his shirt, her tears soaking it. She slid a hand up his chest gripping the fabric. "I don’t...know. I just don't...know." 

Chakotay held her tighter and slowly sank them down to the sand still holding her against him. She still cried, her hurt and anger spilling forth like a broken dam. "I love you Kathryn. I always will." 

She curled against him, her tears starting to fade as the minutes wore on. She began to wipe her eyes, she whispered, "I've missed you so much Chakotay." 

He knew that was difficult for her to say, let alone admit. "I've missed you to," he said gently. "Very much." They sat there holding each other as she calmed, she lifted her head gazing up at him, and he gently reached down stroking away her remaining tears. "You’re so beautiful Kathryn." 

She smirked, "I bet I'm a sight -" and noticed his damp shirt. “Oh, Chakotay I've made a mess of your shirt -" 

He took her face in his hands gently, "I don't care. I have others, besides I don't mind." She smiled slightly placing her hand against his chest, "am I forgiven?" 

Kathryn stared up at him, she reached up cupping the side of his face. Touching him like she used to brought back vivid memories of their early days on Voyager. “I think we can...call a truce for now." 

He stared at her, life was seen starting to shine beneath her blue eyes again. He smiled, "I'm happy to hear that," and felt drawn to her. He leaned his head down and gently kissed her. She didn't pull away now, but responded back by pressing her mouth up against his with the same desire. Her arms then slid around him pulling him tighter against her. 

Being in his arms like this was almost like being in heaven. She had wished for this all their seven years on Voyager. His absence from her life for the last six years was suddenly filled instantly. 

Chakotay felt his body become alive as he felt her breasts pressed against his chest through the thin fabric of her bathing suit. He suddenly wanted to make love to her, but figured it was too soon for them right now. Their reconciliation was still too fresh and new. He didn't want her to think he just wanted her for comfort. Slowly he lowered her down to the warm soft sand. He began to kiss her face and eyes closed with warm soft kisses. She sighed holding his head tilting back her head as he placed a kiss on her throat. "I love you -" she breathed. 

He lifted his head gazing deeply into her eyes, "I love you to Kathryn," he said lovingly. He lowered his head kissing her deeply again, he forced his hands to stay at her arms and not wander, although he felt her skin grow warm and flush beneath him. 

She did want him, her body was so aroused. She hadn't felt this way in so long, but he was holding back. He kissed behind her ears and gazed down at her, the passion seen in his eyes. "Chakotay - please-" 

He smiled gently at her, he reached down stroking the side of her face gently. "Oh my love, how I'd love to make love to you. But I think it's still too soon," she attempted to speak. He put his finger to her mouth quieting her, "we need to start new again, completely." He smiled still, "my name is Chakotay of Dorvan Five, a pleasure it is to meet you." 

Kathryn's face lit up with a smile he's longed to see for the past year. She laughed and he did as well, so elated to hear a real laugh from her again. She reached up stroking his eyebrow and tattoo saying softly, "hello Chakotay, my name is Kathryn Janeway, of Terra." 

He took her hand kissing it gently, she closed her eyes and he wrapped his arms around her. She slid her arms around him as they held each other. 

They lay beneath the warm sun for the next couple of hours holding each other. She lay against him now and then with her head on his chest as he stroked her hair and back. They listened to the calls of the seagulls above them and to the waves as they rolled onto the beach. 

When the sun began to set, he sighed reaching up and touched her ear, she looked at him. "I think we should move -" 

"-What?" she asked. "You don't feel like camping out on the beach tonight?" 

He traced her eyebrow, “but I didn't bring my fishing pole -" and she smiled again. He did as well and kissed her gently. She responded pressing herself against him. After a moment he kissed her face, "oh, I love you so much." 

"I love you," she whispered. 

"And," he said, “I think we'd better eat." 

"I think it's a good idea," she replied. 

"Come on," he said, she rolled away from him and began to stand. He did as well. He pulled her to him wrapping his arm around her waist, she did the same to him putting her head on his shoulder. They headed up towards her house, she picked up her book that she dropped down the beach. As they neared the house he said, "what would you like to eat?" 

She gazed up at him, "you want to cook?" 

He nodded, "sure, why not?" 

She shrugged, "okay, if you'd like." They stepped up onto the deck. She pulled away from him opening the sliding door and stepped in. "Lights," she said and the lights rose in her living/dining areas and the kitchen. "Well, since you'd like to cook, I believe you know where everything is. I'm going to change -" he nodded walking over to her pulling her into his arms kissing her deeply. She moaned softly responding feeling his hands slide down her back gently and began to stroke her backside, her body tingled. 

Chakotay tried to stop himself but seeing her in a bathing suit for the first time seemed to make him want her again. She was so beautiful, when he first arrived he didn't pay much attention to her attire. Now seeing her standing in the house like that was too much too take. 

Kathryn clung to him tightly as she felt one hand slide up her side to cup a breast over the suit. She groaned against him, pressing herself to him. 

He was gasping now, he tried to control the desire that was swimming through him for her. He kissed her face and throat gently catching his breath. He placed a kiss on her bare shoulder before pulling away. He gazed at her, "I'm sorry -" 

" -What for?" she asked. 

"I shouldn't -" he said, "have done that. But I couldn't help myself -" 

She reached up cupping his face gently, "Chakotay, it's okay. It was nice to feel desired again." He kissed her hand, "now let me go change." He nodded and she slowly pulled away from him leaving the room and disappeared down the corridor off the kitchen. He sighed and walked into the kitchen looking for something to cook. 

Shortly later she walked out fresh from a shower and wearing a white cotton sundress with eyelets along the straight edged bodice, around the waist and the hemline of the skirt. She smiled softly inhaling, "oh, it smell's wonderful. What is it?" 

"Blue fish with bay leaves," he replied, "and basil baked in butter. Brown rice and sliced carrots.” 

"Now I wouldn't have thought of that," she said walking into the kitchen. "I’ll set the table. Since we're having fish, I think some white wine is in order." 

"Sounds good," he said with a nod. She opened a cabinet taking out two white china plates with a gold rim. They were from her set on Voyager. She opened a drawer and pulled out two clean cloth napkins and silverware. She turned and began to pass him, "Kathryn?" She stopped looking at him, "you look beautiful in that dress." 

She smiled broadly, her face lit up and he fell in love all with her over again. “Thank you," she said softly. He leaned over and kissed her gently, she kissed him back. Then pulled away, "hurry up, I'm hungry." 

"Is that an order?" he asked teasingly. 

She glanced at him and bit on her lip for a moment, then, "yes. Since I haven't given one in over six years." She began to walk away, he pulled her back quickly kissing her again. 

He pulled away, "yes, ma'am," he said grinning. She walked away and began to set the table. Once done she walked over to a narrow closet that had two doors on the top and a pull out drawer with simulated drawers on the bottom. The closet was against a corner of the wall opposite the kitchen just before the sliding glass doors. She took out two wineglasses and closed the top. Then pulled open the bottom and selected a bottle of wine. He watched her as he removed the fish from the oven and took a fresh lemon, cut it in half and squeezed the juice over the cooked fish. 

"I'll chill this," she said after placing the wineglasses down. She walked back into the kitchen and put the bottle into a round narrow opening located in the corner of the counters. She waited a moment and the bottleneck slowly emerged through the opening. She took it and said, "it's ready. Are you?" 

"That a trick question?" he asked amused. 

"Don't be a flirt," she said, he glanced over at her as he fixed up the rice and carrots putting them around the fish on the china platter. She smiled, "well, okay, flirting is good for now.”

"Oh good," he said, "so now I can have fun again." 

She shook her head with a soft laugh and walked past him. He took the platter and joined her at the table placing the platter between their plates. She had a bottle opener and twisted it into the cork, then slowly removed it. He watched her, she did it well. He wondered if she drank a lot during these past six years to dull the pain and the heartache she was feeling. He hoped not and that she had experience from pulling corks just from having wine for dinner. 

"What are you thinking?" she asked. 

Chakotay glanced at her, he sighed, "just how you did that so well." 

Kathryn smirked putting the opener and cork aside. "Chakotay I'm not an alcoholic if that's what your wondering." He smiled gently at her, "I only have wine when I feel like it -and that's not too often. I've been able to do this long before I had command of Voyager. I knew a Bolian bartender from my academy days who was nice to me. He taught me a few things." 

"Hmmm... " he said curiously. "What did he teach you?" 

"Don't even go there," she said firmly. He smirked, "I learned how to make drinks -" 

"-You were a bartender?" he asked shocked. 

She shrugged, "for only a summer during my sophomore year at the academy." 

Chakotay grinned shaking his head amazed, "the intrepid Kathryn Janeway whom I thought I knew everything about." He pulled out her chair, she sat down, and then he did. They sat quietly for a moment, she gazed at him, and he reached over taking her hand gently. "I can't tell you how happy I am that you've given me this chance." He sighed, "I was sure I'd be eating alone tonight." 

Kathryn gripped his hand as well, "thank you for making me see what I was doing to myself." 

He nodded and then said, "let's eat," she nodded and he began to serve them each some fish, rice and carrots. She poured the wine. 

Their first dinner in over six years wasn't exactly romantic. It was part of their reconciliation, they spoke of their past journey through the Delta Quadrant. 

He kept her smiling all through dinner, only bringing up the happier moments on Voyager. 

Afterwards she got them some coffee and they retreated over to her sofa where they sat down beside each other. He wrapped his arm around her and she rested her head against it. "Tired?" he asked. 

She shook her head, "no, just ... happy," and gazed over at him. 

He smiled at her, "so am I." He paused as he gazed into her eyes. "How much of that beach have you walked?" 

She sighed, "all of it and then some. Sometimes I even ran -" 

"How long?" 

"Let's see," she said, "between here and Huelo Point is at least 18 miles, but there's also Makawa and Kaeleku in between, but there's more on the inner border. We went to Kaeleku to shop?" He nodded, "so I guess I walked a little more than half each way." 

"That's a lot of walking," he commented. 

She nodded, "yes, but it helped me think a lot. And it also got me in pretty good shape again. I didn't realize how out of shape I was until I started walking." 

He wanted to comment on her velocity games with Seven, but that was still an open wound. The discussion of Seven that is. So he didn't to spare her any new pain. She'd discuss her former crewmember and his dead wife when she was ready to. They were starting out fresh, their pasts were no longer part of it. “Well, I could tell how wonderful you look. That bathing suit didn't hide anything." 

She started to laugh softly curling beside him resting her hand on his chest. He smiled as well, "oh, you're ever the charmer Chakotay."

"Thank you," he said kissing the top of her head. He wrapped her closer to him, he sighed, "perhaps ... I can swim with you some time?"

“I'd like that," she said. "The water is about 72 degrees here most of the time. Although some mornings it can be a little cooler." 

“Well," he said, "morning swims can be an eye-opener." He thought for a moment, "do you always wear your bathing suit?" 

She glanced up at him smirking, "wouldn't you like to know?" He chuckled, she sighed, "perhaps I'll let you find out someday." 

He groaned, "oh Kathryn I knew I loved you for some reason." 

"Which is what?" she asked curiously, he stared at her. She sat up some, "you brought it up. I think I'm entitled to know." 

This was his old Kathryn, the one who always got to the point, not afraid to express her opinion. He reached out stroking the side of her face, "it was a number of things." She continued to wait, "when you gave an order to Tom or Harry. Came up with brilliant solutions to almost impossible problems, your diplomacy tactics, your smile and," he grinned quipping, "when you burned the pot roasts." 

"Chakotay!" she said shocked, he chuckled. She growled, "that damn replicator ruined so many dinners -" 

"-Sure it did," he said with a nod. 

"Just when you had me ready to kiss you," she stated. "You have to bring up the pot roasts again!" 

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said still smiling. She frowned at him, "Come here -" she still sat firm, he sighed sitting up some. "Kathryn I didn't mean it -" 

She held the look for a moment more, and then her mouth lifted slightly in the beginning of her lopsided grin. "I know -I just wanted to get back at you for that little comment." 

Chakotay's mouth fell open at her joke, she continued to smile at him. "Oh that was sneaky," he said finally, she laughed. Then he lunged for her, she gasped in surprise, but unable to escape as he wrapped his arms around her pulling her against him. 

"Chak-otay!" she gasped in surprise as he kissed her deeply and passionately. She gave in with a soft moan wrapping her arms around him as he lowered her to the sofa pressing his body against hers. When he stretched her out along the cushions, her skirt became entangled around her legs. He continued to kiss her, opening her mouth to his and their tongues meshed sweetly. 

His desire for her ignited again, but he didn't plan on acting on it. Just to use it to his advantage and tease her a little. So he slid a hand up her and gently ran his fingers over her breast, she gasped arching her back to him. 

As he kept kissing her, she felt her body grow warm. But she couldn't move, and she needed to breathe. She pulled her head away, "oh -I can't breath Chakotay -" he slid his hand down her side and was pulling her skirt away from her legs. "Well, I can't move either -" 

"-In a moment," he said gently, "I'll have you free -" 

"-I'd be free," she commented, "if you just got off me -" 

He shook his head, "not yet, my love." 

She glared at him, "what do you mean 'not yet'?" She felt his hand slide beneath her skirt slowly, he stared at her still. Her gaze never left his as he reached her hip and began to lazily trace the outline of her panties. She felt her pulse quicken and breath grow short, "what are...you doing?" 

"Something you need," he replied, lifting himself off her some to slide his hand closer to her womanhood. 

Kathryn felt her body shudder slightly, she groaned, "what do I need that can't wait until... " his finger was tracing her over the sensitive area. She was so aroused at that moment she knew he'd found out how much. "We're... " his finger slid beneath her panties stroking the soft curls of her womanhood. She let out a deep throaty groan arching her back to him. "Ready - Chak -" and he kissed her deeply. She lifted her head as their tongues meshed in the passion. She felt his fingers stroking her, her opening warm and damp for him. Her legs parted some and he touched her swollen bud of nerves, she cried out against his mouth, clinging to him. 

"I love you," he whispered still stroking her, he needed this as much as she did. He wasn't going to make love to her completely, but he knew she needed this release, it was way overdue. She groaned again, her body shuddering against his hand. She was very aroused, "relax my love, let it happen." 

Kathryn's breath was sharper now as he continued to manipulate her. She couldn't speak except for a few unintelligible words. She just clung tightly to him and then cried out when he slid a finger lower and just slightly within her. 

Chakotay's own breath was short as his pulse raced. She was so beautiful, but he wouldn't go any further than this. 

Kathryn felt the ache begin to build in the pit of her stomach. It grew tighter and sweeter as it traveled up her body. She groaned again feeling her body shudder deeply again, "oh my god!" His fingers were stroking and pressing up against her bud now, she gritted her teeth groaning as her hips moved to his hand, lifting higher pressing him closer. Suddenly she felt the ache burst and she cried out loudly arching her back as her body shuddered deeply. 

He stopped when he felt her climax against him. She began to cry softly. He removed his hand wrapping his arms around her holding her. "Its okay, my love," he kissed her tenderly. She responded holding his face in her hands. Her body was still quaking after experiencing her first orgasm in over 13 years. Slowly she came down from her plateau of the most intense pleasure she had ever felt in a long time. After a moment he looked at her drying the tears on her face, "are you okay?" he asked her tenderly. 

She stroked his face nodding, "yes...I'm just a little...overwhelmed by this, it's been so long Chakotay." 

He placed soft kisses on her face whispering, "you needed it Kathryn. I needed to let you feel it. I needed to be the one -" 

"-You're the only one I’ve ever," she whispered, "wanted to touch me like this since we first met." He embraced her burying his face in her hair. She ran her hands through his hair clinging to him. "Thank you Chakotay -I love you." 

"I love you," he said gently into her ear. Then he slowly pulled away from her sitting up. She began to as well, brushing her hair out of her face. He stood up, "perhaps you'd like to freshen up?" 

Kathryn was still somewhat dazed after this, she glanced around her living room. Her gaze caught the chronometer, it was after 2300 hours. "It's so late -" 

Chakotay looked at the chronometer, he nodded, "perhaps I'd better leave then-?" 

She stood up taking his hand, " -no please. You don't need to -" 

"-Kathryn," he said, "we don't need to make love now -" 

She shook her head, " -no, I didn't mean that." She paused, "it’s just late and to request a beam out now would be more of an annoyance to the night shift on duty. I have a spare room, you can stay there -" 

"You don't mind?" 

She shook her head, "no, I don't. Come on," she led him down the corridor to a room on the right. She opened the door, "here you go. I hope its comfortable." 

He stepped in, there was a full-size bed made up with a blue comforter and white sheets, two large pillows. There was also a closet and dresser on the opposite sides of the bed, beige carpeting and blue window dressing around the one window beside the bed. "It's fine," he said. 

"There's a smaller bathroom," she said, "next to the closet." He nodded, "goodnight Chakotay."

He turned to her, "goodnight Kathryn," and kissed her gently. She responded and then he pulled away. She smiled softly and walked out. 

After she had left closing her own bedroom door further down the corridor on the left, he proceeded to get undressed. Since he didn't have a change of clothes for the next day, he removed his shirt and trousers laying them neatly over the bottom of the bed's frame on the end of the bed. He walked into the smaller bathroom that had a tiny shower cubicle, sink and commode. It was empty except for a small pot of fresh flowers on the shelf beside the sink. 

He took care of his personal business, and then walked out to the bed, pulled the comforter and sheet away from the bed slipping inside. He thought about sleeping in the nude, but considering it was Kathryn's spare bed and room, he decided to sleep in his boxer shorts. 

He lowered the lights and closed his eyes, sleep finally taking him. 

=/\=

Kathryn moaned softly slowly opening her eyes, her ears listened for the sound of the ocean outside. Hearing it, she smiled with a sigh and found the room still dark. She turned her head glancing at her chronometer, 0430. She sighed attempting to go back to sleep, but found she couldn't. The man sleeping in her spare room down the corridor from her was on her mind. 

She remembered their dinner and the way he held her letting her feel passion for the first time in years. She just hoped this wasn't a mistake letting him back into her life. 

She groaned unable to fall back to sleep and sat up pushing the bedcovers out of the way. 

She swung her legs over the side and stood up, reached for her pale peach silk robe wrapping it around her. She walked out heading to the kitchen for a glass of cool water. 

As she padded quietly down the corridor she slowed near Chakotay's room. His door was half-open and she stopped beside it slowly glancing in. Although it was early morning, the sun was beginning to rise, lighting the room slowly. She saw him asleep beneath the sheet, the comforter pushed aside. His bare back gleamed in the morning light as he lay on his side clutching a pillow beneath his head. 

She felt her body tingle to the thought of how beautiful he looked sleeping. He had started to make her feel like a woman again, but wasn't going to rush their intimacy. Suddenly she felt her mouth go dry as images of his body lying beside hers touching her in ways she'd only dreamed about passed through her mind. 

She shook her head, commanded herself to move away from the room and to the kitchen. 

Seconds after she'd left, Chakotay allowed himself to stretch his legs. He wasn't sleeping much either and was about to drift off again when he heard her outside his doorway. He feigned sleep listening to her, but she just stood in his doorway staring at him. He was tempted to "wake" up, but he didn't want to disrupt her thoughts. She was obviously thinking about where their relationship was going now and the idea of him actually sleeping in her house after their painful separation six year's before. Then just as suddenly she was there, she was gone moving off to somewhere else in the house. 

He closed his eyes again and heard her return to her bedroom a few minutes later closing her bedroom door. Sleep took him again as he realized this waiting for her to go back to bed had stressed him slightly and made him sleepy. 

Much later that morning after having breakfast together, he told her he had to leave because he had to teach his summer class the next day. They planned for him to visit again that weekend and he kissed her goodbye. This time he had a beam-out from her beach. 

The next couple of weekends he spent with her as they had lunch and dinner together, spent time in her garden and even donning their swim suits swimming in the waves together. He found her in better shape than she let on when chasing her one time around the beach and into the surf when she took his towel. 

"Kathryn!" he said getting mad. "Give it back!" 

She laughed shaking her head, "no. Besides your already drying off." she kept moving slowly from side-to-side in order to catch her breath. She'd let him catch her when ready. 

"Kathryn -" he said softly smiling. "Give it back –”

“No," she said again and draped the towel around her neck. She then casually walked closer to him seductively. She stopped just before him, but not within quick grabbing distance. "Come get it –”

Chakotay stared at her, their gaze locked and he started to move, and then rethought the idea. He stopped and smiled at her, she smiled back. "Fine, you can have it."

Kathryn's smile slowly faded at this new approach, "what?" 

"Keep it," he said simply acting as if he was moving away from her. He gazed up at the sun, "your right, the sun will dry me off-" out of his peripheral vision she had curiously let her guard down for that moment. So he quickly turned and lunged for her. 

Kathryn saw him, but wasn't prepared and tried to move. He grabbed her waist, she screamed, "Chakotay!" And growled in her throat as she tried pulling away, he held her tightly trying to get his towel, she held it away from him. "That was a dirty trick -" 

“-Yeah, wasn't it great?” he quipped as she continued to fight him. "Kathryn just give me the towel please and I'll let you go." 

She stood there feeling his somewhat damp body pressed against hers. She smirked and got an idea. She started to straighten and at the same time pressed her hips against his, he gave a groan of surprise. "I don't know," she said, her voice deep, "maybe I like it here." 

"Now look who's playing dirty,” he replied, the desire heard. He slowly snaked his arms around her and felt the towel that was bunched up in her arms. He then grabbed it, she growled trying to hold it still. "You're not going to win this one -" 

“-Oh that's what you think," she muttered and his hands grabbed more of the towel. "Chakotay -no-" 

"-Yes," he said firmly as she squirmed in his arms. Her movements were making him aroused, he ignored it until it was time to act on these instincts. Then he got a good grip on the towel and yanked it harder, she growled feeling it slip from her hands. "Anytime now -" 

"-You haven't won yet!" she said firmly, holding tightly onto the last of the towel. She tried placing her feet between his to hook them behind him. 

"Kathryn I know what you're doing," he said. "Don't forget I went to the academy to -" 

She groaned attempting to pull him around, "old dogs can't learn new tricks, huh?" 

"Not these two," he replied and found her in the right position. He held her waist tighter and lifted her up turning her around. She squealed in shock. She wrapped a leg around one of his and he felt his balance shift and they both fell to the sand, he landed on top of her. She still didn’t let go of the towel, "give up yet?" he asked her. 

Kathryn groaned, "no!" She pulled her arms above her head taking the towel with her. Her heart raced feeling him this close to her, but she wouldn't let it distract her, not now at least. 

"We'll see," he said and lowered his head placing a kiss on her neck gently. She gave a groan of pleasure, he held her gently and worked over to her throat. 

"Chakotay -" she breathed feeling her defenses weaken. Her head was swimming with frustration and desire. "You're not playing -fair..." 

He placed a kiss on her throat "-you changed the rules when you rubbed up against me," his breath was warm on her skin. He stretched up placing his hands on hers starting to work the towel out of them. 

"We had 'rules'?" she whispered in the growing desire. 

"Not many," he said gazing at her. She stared up at him, he kissed her deeply and gently. She moaned softly responding, her grip loosened on the towel more and he pulled it from her tossing it to the side. After a moment he looked at her, "give up?" 

She nodded, "yes. It looks like you win," he smiled, she did as well. He kissed her again drawing her tighter against him. She wrapped her arms around him responding as their tongues meshed passionately. 

He wanted her so much it hurt, but it was still too soon. Her body pressed up against his more, he could feel her breasts against his bare chest the buds reaching out to him through her suit. He groaned against her mouth, he was hard and was sure she could feel it. He began to pull away, he groaned, "Kathryn we’ve got -to stop!" 

She kissed him again lost in the moment, she took his hand placing it on a breast. He sighed as his hand cupped it gently, he kissed her face as she held him. "Why? We both want this," she told him, her voice husky. 

"I know," he whispered and looked at her. "But we have to be sure that we're really ready to take that next step." 

Kathryn smiled softly up at him, "I love you -" 

"-I love you," he said tenderly, she reached up stroking his face. "Come on, I'm hot and we need a swim." 

"Sounds good," she replied, he slowly got off her, and she sat up. He got to his feet holding out his hand, she grasped it and he pulled her up and to him, their gaze was magnetic. 

"Don't take my towel," he said, "the next time -" 

"-I promise," she said slightly raising her eyebrow. He smirked shaking his head and walked with her into the water. 

They spent the next couple of weekends together as the month wore on. He taught his class during the week but looked forward to spending time with her. Kathryn was slowly emerging from her shell as they got to know each other again. She still had quiet moments however, when he'd watch her during meals or even when they walked or sat on the beach. 

She also drove him around the island showing him magnificent waterfalls, exotic birds and panoramic vistas seen from cliffs. He grew to love the island as she much as she appeared to, but he really treasured their quiet moments together.

Finally one weekend she told him when he returned the next weekend, he could keep a change of clothes and other necessities in his room. They still hadn't made love, although the need was there. He felt she wasn't as ready as she indicated to him at times. He decided that he'd let her make the first move when she was, so far she hadn't. 

And Kathryn was happy again, she wasn't feeling as depressed or isolated anymore. When Chakotay arrived on Friday afternoon and stayed through Sunday night, she was happy and be sure he had fresh flowers in his room each weekend. 

He was due to arrive this weekend and she entered his room to replace the flowers located in the vase on the dresser. She walked over to the dresser and pulled out the wilting ones, and then put the fresher bouquet in after making sure the delicate glass vase had enough water. As she did she saw his extra grooming utensils and a razor. She reached over and picked up his brush holding it gently. She remembered running her fingers through his soft hair one evening as they kissed on her sofa. She sighed feeling her body tingle at the thought of his body against hers, she tilted back her head closing her eyes. 

He wanted her, she knew that and she was slowly starting to want him even more. He was waiting for her until she was ready. She put down the brush and walked over to his bed making sure the sheets were fresh and straightened the pillows. His scent surrounded her and she sighed inhaling. She loved even the feel of his presence in the room and her house. 

She was still stunned to the fact that almost two months before she never expected to see him again. Then he showed up and gently helped her forgive him for the pain he had caused her and began to help her see life begin anew. If she allowed to let herself think of their separation, she did get depressed. But now forced herself to block it, now was the time to start fresh, as he told her the day he came back to pull her out of her misery. 

She gently ran her hand along the pillow, then with sigh, walked out of the room. 

=/\=

When they finished with dinner Saturday night, they sat together on the beach watching the sun set. He had his arm around her as she curled up beside him resting her head on his shoulder. His hand was making lazy circles on her bare arm, she closed her eyes. 

After a moment she sighed, “Chakotay?”

“Hmmm?" 

"Thank you," she whispered. He glanced down at her, "thank you for making me see what I was doing to myself." 

"Your welcome," he said gently and kissed the top of her head. 

She was quiet for another moment, then, "do you realize it'll be two months to the day you arrived here next weekend?" 

"I didn't realize," he said, "you were keeping track." 

She shrugged, "it just came to me." He nodded, she turned to him, he gazed down at her tracing her eyebrow. "I think we should celebrate." 

Chakotay stared at Kathryn, somewhat surprised at her suggestion. He was finally seeing the woman he once knew. She was being spontaneous and sharp again. He smiled, "celebration?" She nodded, he pulled her closer, "what kind of celebration?" 

She placed her hand on his chest, "a candlelight dinner, music, dressed up. That sort of celebration." 

"I think it's a wonderful idea," he said, she smiled and reached up kissing him gently. He responded placing his hand behind her neck supporting her. She slid closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. He lifted her up onto his legs turning her to him, she straddled him holding him against her. He groaned feeling her warmth pressed against his groin, as he became slowly aroused. She held him against her, he began to kiss her face while sliding his hands down her back over the thin sleeveless cotton shirt she wore. "Kathryn -god, I love you so much." 

She sighed holding his head while tilting back her head as he kissed her throat. "I love you to," she whispered, feeling her insides slowly turning to liquid. 

He felt her through the trousers she wore, but reluctantly forced his desire back for her and took her face in his hands gazing at her. "Oh Kathryn, we have to stop -" 

She reached out taking his face in her hands, "-Chakotay I love the fact that you're being so gallant with me. But there are times -like now -I'm willing to just let you make love to me." 

"You're so beautiful," he told her tenderly. He gently kissed her and gazed at her, "but you're not ready, my love." She started to speak, he continued, "you might think you are, but I know you. I don't want you...having any regrets or kick me out of your life again after we make love.” 

Kathryn smiled at him, her heart melted at how he was concerned for her emotional and physical well being, considering her state of mind when he first arrived. She sighed, "perhaps your right, but I love you for looking out for me this way." 

"I'll always be there," he told her gently. "And when we finally make love for the first time, it'll be meant to happen and beautiful." 

"Oh Chakotay," she whispered her eyes growing moist. "I'm so happy you've come back to me.”

"Same here Kathryn," he said gently and she embraced him wrapping him tighter against her, resting her head on his shoulder. 

Shortly later they stood up to walk down the beach as the sun set more creating hues of reds and oranges in the sky. They walked hand-in-hand talking about the following weekend where they planned the romantic candlelight dinner for Saturday night. 

When he left late Sunday night, he shouldered his small overnight bag and kissed her gently goodbye. He told her he'd see her next Friday and stepped off the deck and onto the beach. She saw him request a beam-out and waved as he dematerialized

During the week before they met, Chakotay waited patiently for it. Their celebration dinner was anticipated and he found himself looking forward to it. He decided what he was going to wear for that evening as well. 

That week he also got the annual invitation to Starfleet's Voyager Reunion due to take place a little more than two and a half months away. He hoped to convince Kathryn to attend with him this year. He hadn't gone the past two years after Seven's death, but perhaps now it was time for them both to make a comeback. He didn’t respond to the invitation right away, but decided to wait and see if he could convince her. Perhaps this weekend he'd try. 

=/\=

Kathryn was more nervous than Chakotay as she prepared for their dinner. She bought fresh salmon, potatoes, rice and a bottle of champagne for that evening, as well as, long tapered candles and new dress to wear. 

He called her mid-week to see how she was doing. She told him she was okay and what she bought for their dinner. He asked her if she didn't mind if he prepared it, she insisted. Before closing the link, she blew him a kiss and terminated it. 

Two days before he was to leave to stay with Kathryn, Chakotay walked down an academy corridor carrying a padd and folder full of papers when he heard, "Chakotay!" he stopped and turned to see Tom jogging to catch up with him. 

"Tom," he said simply, "what can I do for you?" 

Tom smirked walking up to him, "boy, are we formal today." 

Chakotay then smiled slightly, "sorry, I guess I'm a bit preoccupied. What's going on?" 

"I'm curious if -" he started, then, "both B'Elanna and I are curious how everything is going with the Captain?" 

"Did B'Elanna get angry," he asked, "at you for telling me where she was?"

Tom shrugged, "she almost refused to have dinner with me and the kids that night, but I made it up to her later." 

Chakotay chuckled shaking his head, "both of you haven't changed." 

"Tell me about it," Tom agreed and then stared at him, "well?" 

Chakotay looked at him, "walk with me, I've got a class." They began to walk towards a turbolift. He sighed, "after she let me visit twice, both times weren't happy experiences for her. She was so angry and depressed I refused to give up on her. So," he sighed, "I gave her a week or so and surprised her again." 

"She must have loved that!" Tom quipped stunned. 

"She wasn't happy," he replied softly. "She fought me as I made her face what she was doing to herself -" 

"-Was she all right?" Tom asked concerned. 

Chakotay sighed, "physically she was fine, beautiful." He added softly, "in fact she's more beautiful now then when you knew her." He gazed at him, "mentally she was falling down a bottomless pit. I'm helping her out of her depression, she’s really depressed Tom, but getting better." 

Tom closed his eyes, "my god -" then he opened them. "She okay now?" 

He shrugged, "she's better. More like her old self now and then, but I've caught her now and then going back inside herself. She's coming out of it slowly." 

"That's good," he said. "We've been worried since we hadn't seen her in almost a year. So," he asked, "are you seeing her again?" 

"I go every weekend," Chakotay replied. "We swim, walk, drive around the island." 

"-Wait," Tom said shocked. "She drives?" Chakotay nodded, he chuckled, "that jeep I mentioned to her? She's got one?" Chakotay nodded again, "wow! I never expected her to buy one! How is she -driving that is?" 

Chakotay sighed with a smile, "let's put it this way. I feared for my life when we went shopping together for the first time." Tom laughed shaking his head, "she enjoyed scaring me to death -but she wasn’t happy I was there in the first place, so I guess I deserved it. But, actually, she's pretty good at it." 

"Oh, B'Elanna's gonna love hearing this!" Tom smirked. 

"I'm sure she will," he said. They stopped near the lifts, "this weekend she wants to celebrate our first two months together." 

"Oh, Chakotay," Tom said pleased, "that sounds great." He nodded, "are you going to see if she'll going to the reunion? I know everyone would love to see her." 

"She doesn't know yet," he replied, "but I intend to bring up the subject this weekend." 

"Tell her we want to see her there," Tom said. 

Chakotay nodded, he pushed the call button for the lift. "I will, don't worry," the doors slid open, "gotta go. Tell B'El I said hello." 

"Sure," Tom said as Chakotay stepped inside and the doors slid closed. He stood there for a moment, a smile forming. "Thank god! They're in love again." And he walked back to his classroom. 

When Chakotay beamed onto her beach that Friday afternoon, he gazed around to see if she were sitting or walking anywhere. He didn't see her, so he headed up to the deck, took a peek in the garden to see if she was there, no sign. The only place was the house. He stepped onto the deck and quietly pulled open the sliding glass door stepping in, "Kathryn?" he said looking for her. She wasn't in the kitchen either, but he noticed some padd’s on the dining room table. He closed the door, "Kathryn?" he called again looking around. 

He was beginning to get worried, she was always within earshot or right in the living or dining room when he arrived each weekend. He put down his overnight and garment bag on a chair, his heart raced. He headed down the corridor towards the bedrooms and her office.

"Kathryn!" he called feeling panic setting in. He looked into his room, not there. Then into her office, her computer was off but a cold cup of coffee sat on her desk. He walked out heading to her bedroom, he rarely had been even near it or in it. But now privacy was pushed aside until he knew she was safe. He stopped at the doorway, the door was half-open and he opened it, "Kathryn? My god!" He saw her lying on her bed not moving, he felt his heart skip a beat. He quickly ran over and sat beside her, "Kathryn?" He checked her vitals, her skin was still warm and she had a pulse. He started to shake her gently. "Kathryn?" 

She moaned softly, her eyes fluttered. He waited, slowly her eyes opened and she gazed up at him, "Chakotay?" 

He whimpered giving a cry of relief gathering her into his arms, "oh, thank god!" He'd lost Seven, he didn't want to lose her to. "Your alright, I was so scared!" 

She slid her arms around him closing her eyes putting her face against his chest and uniform top. She was touched he was so worried about her, when all she did was fall asleep a couple of hours beforehand. She patted his arm, "I'm okay Chakotay," she said softly. 

"Why didn't you wake up when I called?" he asked her looking at her. 

She shrugged, "I've become a deep sleeper these past few years." He then understood it was the depression that caused this. She reached up stroking the side of his face, "I'm okay, you can relax now." 

"Don't you ever," he scolded her, "do that me again!" 

She smiled, "yes, sir." He shook his head and kissed her deeply, drawing her up against him. She responded holding him, then she looked at him, "no time to change?" she indicated to his uniform. 

He shrugged, "I came right here when my last class ended -" 

She smirked, "just a little anxious for tomorrow?" 

He grinned, "as much as our first dinner on Voyager." 

She smiled, "well, relax commander," she said firmly. She saw the four pips lining his collar. "Excuse me, captain." 

"Your excused," he said tenderly, "captain." 

She stared at him, pulled out of his arms to get off the bed. "Not anymore," she said dully. 

He saw her moving off, he reached out for her, "Kathryn -" she glanced over at him. "Starfleet will take you back in a second if you asked." 

"Maybe someday," she said standing up. She headed to the door, "coming?" He nodded standing and following her out to the living area. "I've got everything prepared for dinner tomorrow night like you said."

Something was wrong, she was acting odd. He watched her standing in the living room. He slowly approached, "are you okay Kathryn?" 

She shrugged, "I'm fine -" 

"-You don't sound it," he said gently. She didn't respond, "what's wrong?" 

Kathryn stood quietly for a moment, then sighed, "nothing really. I -just got to thinking about..." he waited for her to continue. Her voice shook some, "almost how...close we didn't make it...home." 

"Kathryn," he said gently walking over to her taking her in his arms. She started to cry softly as he held her. "We're home now, we've been home for six years -"

"-I know," she said amidst her tears. She shuddered, "what she said -when she'd told me-“ 

"-Who? What are you talking about?" 

"The admiral," she replied softly. 

Chakotay looked at her taking her face in his hands, "what did she say?" Kathryn shook her head, "tell me, its okay." 

"I ... can't!" she whimpered. 

"Yes, you can," he told her gently. "The only way you’re going to come out of this is by talking about it." 

Kathryn stared up at him, she reached up taking his face in her hands. The tears began to dry, she sighed, "she told me about...you and Seven." His face fell, now he knew when she found out. "And that you were dead in her timeline -" 

"-That's all changed now," he told her gently. "Kathryn I'm here, with you, forever. Nothing's going to happen to me." 

"You don't know that -" 

"-Yes, I do," he said. "What could happen to me while I teach at the academy?" 

She stared at him, the realization sinking in. "Your right -oh my god -" he nodded gently. "What's wrong with me Chakotay? I'm so depressed over that other timeline -" 

"-Forget it," he said gently. She started to speak, "no. Forget it, you don't need to think of it anymore. Promise me?" 

She stroked his face lovingly, gazing deep into his eyes. She nodded, "I promise," he smiled taking her hands kissing them. "I love you." 

"I love you," he replied tenderly, he held her again. She pressed her body against his, he stroked her back over her loose white shirt. She was wearing a tank shirt and white button-down shirt and her tan shorts. After a moment he looked at her, "want to take a walk?" 

"Sure," she replied. "But perhaps you should change?" 

"Give me a few minutes," he said kissing her forehead and pulled away. He walked over to the table picking up his bags. She walked into the kitchen and he headed to his room. 

Before dinner they took their regular walk up the beach with and wrapped around each other's waist. He was still somewhat worried about her because she was still quiet, he didn't press her to ask why. He was concerned she was fragile mentally at that moment and took comfort in having him there. 

For dinner she had prepared a fresh shrimp pasta dish, bread, wine and salad. He helped put it all on the table and poured the wine and lit the candles. 

While they ate she had soft classical music playing. He gazed at her through the glow of the candlelight and dim lighting. She looked beautiful, he loved her even more. The strains of Rachmaninov's "Rhapsody on a Theme of Pagnini" were beginning to be heard. He sighed standing, she looked at him, "what's wrong?" 

He shook his head, "nothing." He pulled away from the table and then stood next to her holding out his hand. She stared at him, "come here." 

Kathryn smirked, "Chakotay -" 

"-Give me your hand," he said gently smiling. She was unsure, "trust me." She then took his hand standing, he pulled her up against him, they stared at each other and he kissed her gently. She responded feeling him move them in between the space located beyond the dining table and the sofa. Then he took her right hand in his left, put his right on her waist and began to move them in a small circle. 

Kathryn gave a soft laugh gazing at him, “oh my, that was so smooth Chakotay.” 

He grinned at her, "I’m pretty impressed myself.” She rested her head against his shoulder as he moved them slowly. He sighed, "I thought you needed this tonight," she didn't respond. "Kathryn I want you to tell me everything that's on your mind. When it begins to depress you, even whatever happened on Voyager."

“Why?” she whispered against him.

"So I can help you sort it all out," he told her gently. "I want you...to be at peace with our time in the Delta Quadrant and everything that's happened later." 

Kathryn felt her eyes well with tears at his offering to counsel her back to health. He'd be one of the only people qualified to do it, other than Tuvok, since he was there with her from the beginning. He was her rock, and now he was casting a permanent life preserver out to her. She loved him deeply for it, "I love you," she whispered. 

"I love you to," he said gently kissing the top of her head.

They danced for the next several pieces that were heard. After he looked at her and kissed her deeply and gently. She responded as they held each other tightly, then he began to kiss her face softly. She sighed against him closing her eyes and then gasped when he lifted her up into his arms, she stared at him, "Chakotay what are you doing?” 

He kissed her nose gently, "I want to hold you now -" 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, "-I think I'll like that." He smiled at her and carried her over to the large, soft arm chair sitting down. She snuggled closer to him laying her head on his shoulder as he stroked the side of her face. She closed her eyes with a soft smile, loving the feel of his arms wrapped around her. 

Her slight relapse bothered him a little, because he was gone for these four days. When he left her at the end of last weekend she was spontaneous and laughing. Now she was barely talking and when he found her in a deep sleep this afternoon, it scared him half to death. This wasn't the Kathryn Janeway he used to know, but a mere shell of the woman he fell in love with years before 

He decided that if it were possible, he'd convince her to live with him back in San Francisco when ready. He wanted to be closer to her and be there for her at a moment's notice. 

He didn't want any chances of anything happening to her. That's when he began to wonder if going to the reunion was a good idea for her this year. 

A couple of hours later he suggested they retire for the night. She agreed and slowly stood up, and then he did as well. 

He remembered the dinner dishes and offered to put them away for her. She offered to help, but he said he'd take care of it and told her to go to bed. She nodded, he kissed her gently goodnight and she left. 

A little close to an hour later he had the dishes and cookware cleaned and put away. He turned off the lights walking into his bedroom turning on the light. He then changed out of the cream short sleeved shirt and brown trousers hanging them up in the closet. 

He washed his face and everything, then walked out to his bed and began to pull back the bedcovers. "Chakotay?" 

He turned to see Kathryn standing in her peach silk nightgown and robe in his doorway. He was surprised to see her because usually when she went to bed he didn't see her until the next morning. He was concerned, but not embarrassed since he now wore pajama bottoms instead of his shorts. "Kathryn?" He walked over to her, "are you okay?" 

She nodded, "yes, just..." she stared at him, and he placed his hands on her arms. 

"What?" 

"This is so silly," she said quickly. "I mean I'm almost 50 -" 

"-Kathryn -" he said, confused at what she was getting at. 

She stopped biting her lip, then, "can you...I mean..." he was puzzled at what she was trying to say. "I would like you to hold me tonight -" he then smiled gently at her. "It's just that...earlier it was so nice -" 

"-Yes," he said tenderly. "I'd love to hold you tonight," and she smiled. He kissed her tenderly and then looked at her, "in here or your room?" 

"My room," she replied, he nodded. She took his hand and he turned out the light walking with her into her bedroom. 

There was one light on beside her large king-sized cherrywood sleigh bed. She had large white pillows with an eyelet border and pink satin ribbon woven through. There was a matching white comforter with a pink ribbon woven through the top layer of the double-layered border and white sheets. 

She had cherry wood nightstands, dresser and an antique writing desk in the corner of the room. There was a large bay window with matching curtains as well. 

She walked over to the side that was pulled down and slipped in. He walked around to the other side and opened the bedcovers slipping in beside her. He moved to the center of the bed, she rolled into his arms as they rested their heads on a soft pillow. 

They stared at each other and he kissed her forehead, she closed her eyes. "Just sleep, my love," he told her gently. She sighed tucking her head into the crook of his neck and shoulder curling against him, one hand rested on his chest and the other around his waist. 

He sighed holding her and turned out the light by the computer listening to her drift off to sleep. He lay for the next couple of hours as she slept, the moonlight shined through her window over the ocean casting a shadow across the foot of the bed in the half shape of a palm tree. His eyes slowly closed as he drifted off to sleep as well. 

PART 2

Disclaimer: See Part I  
Rating: R 

By morning she was better it seemed, since she woke with a smile staring down at him as he still slept. She propped herself up on her elbow staring at him, his bare chest rising and falling as he slept. 

He was so beautiful and she never expected them to even have made it this far. And yesterday, he was a comfort to her, just by holding her after dinner and throughout the night had reaffirmed her love for him and him for her again. She admitted to herself that she was depressed yesterday, it hit her mid-morning and she tried to ignore it. But it began to overwhelm her when she began to doubt everything Chakotay had told her, shown her. By early afternoon, she left the work she was doing in her office and retreated her bedroom to lie down. There she began to cry softly, discovering she missed Chakotay. Although she knew he was due to arrive within a few hours that didn't seem to alleviate any of her fears and doubts. 

She fell asleep shortly later and was glad he showed up earlier that day, because she knew there was a chance she could easily have slept until the next day. She hadn't slept that deep since he'd arrived and she remembered during her first couple of years on the island when the depression really began to set in, she could barely get out of bed. 

Now she felt whole again after last night and discovered she wanted him. But wasn't sure if he'd mind her waking him up that way. She then decided before the weekend was over, they would make love, she was ready now. She knew and felt it. 

With a soft smile, she reached out and gently began to trace his tattoo gently. He stirred softly and his eyes opened a moment later, "Kathryn -" 

"-Ssh," she whispered and lowered her head kissing him gently. He responded wrapping his arms around her pulling her down against him. She wrapped her arms around him pressing her body against his. 

Chakotay slid his hand up her back and into her hair noticing there was something different about her. She seemed happier again, perhaps last night did help her. After a moment she looked at him, "goodmorning," he said smiling. 

"Goodmorning," she said softly. 

"What'd I do to deserve a kiss like that?" 

Kathryn smiled cupping the side of his face, "for being there for me yesterday and last night. It really helped me. Thank you." 

"I'm glad I was here," he told her, sensing she was emerging from her shell. Now she was more confident again, he liked seeing that. "Hungry?" 

"Famished," she replied, her voice husky and eyes glowed. 

He chuckled sitting up, "well, let me make you breakfast -" 

"–I’ll help," she said pushing the bedcovers off them. 

And her renewed energy was a surprise as well, it made her look sexy and more desirable than ever at that moment. He smirked and swung his legs over the side and stood up before she could. He walked around to the other side and she stared at him, still curled with her legs beneath her on the bed. 

"You're so beautiful," he said softly. 

Kathryn then got up on her knees, "I feel it," she said softly. She held out her arms to him, he walked over to her and enveloped her into his, she slid hers around him burying her face against his neck. 

Chakotay closed his eyes running his hands down the smooth, cool silk of her nightgown. She leaned into him, he could feel every curve and line of her body. Her heartbeat had picked up, as well as his. He lifted his head gazing at her, "Kathryn,” he whispered softly. He took her face in his hands, "I love you so much." 

"I love you to," she said, he kissed her deeply. She responded trying not to let her desire for him show too soon. She was more than ready to make love with him, but at this moment she'd settle for showing him a little of what she was feeling. He then kissed her throat and neck, she sighed tilting back her head and pulled him tighter against her. Her body warmed against his as his hands slid down her sides caressing her gently. She gazed at him, "touch me," she whispered desirably. 

He stared at her, his breath becoming short, "Kathryn -I might not be able to -" 

She nodded, "yes Chakotay, you will. You have been able to all those other times -" 

"You don't understand," he moaned, "Kathryn. Each and every time it gets more difficult and now when you look so...beautiful. I want you so much its killing me!" 

She smiled softly stroking his face, "I know. I can tell." 

"You want to torture me?" he asked. 

A soft laugh sounded from her, she shook her head, "oh no, love. I want to show you how I feel-" 

"I love that you want to show me," he said. "But my own resolve can only go so far. I love you so much, I just want our first time to be right." 

She nodded, "okay. I'm sorry I teased you." 

He kissed her gently and gazed at her, "no, don't you ever be sorry. When you really feel your ready, you'll let me know."

Kathryn raised her eyebrow, "how do you want me to let you know?"

Chakotay smiled at her, "I’ll leave that up to you." Her face lit up as she smiled, he placed his hands on her hips. "Now, come on, let's eat." 

"Okay," she replied and he lifted her off the bed lowering her to the floor. She grabbed her robe and they headed out to the kitchen. 

That morning they had breakfast out on her deck as they watched the sun rise slowly and grow warmer. She sat with her coffee staring out at the waves, he glanced at her. "Kathryn?" she looked over at him, "would you consider ever living back in San Francisco?" 

She stared at him, and then sighed, "I don't know Chakotay. I've grown to really love this island, the people. It's so tranquil. Considering those seven years in the Delta Quadrant, it's kind of nice. But," she added with a smile, "I do enjoy our weekends." He smiled gently at her, "maybe in due time I could visit you instead." 

"I'd like that," he said. She smiled again at him, he could see his Kathryn coming back. Perhaps it’d be for good soon. "Are you ready for tonight?"

"Yes," she replied, trying not to let her desire show. In fact, her mind was already tossing about ideas on how to let him know she was ready to make love. "What about you?" 

"Very much so," he replied. "I'm going to start getting dinner ready about sunset. The question is, are we dining al fresco or inside?"

Kathryn gazed upwards, "well, there's no rain in the forecast and it should be fairly warm tonight. Maybe outside, candlelight and all." 

"Whatever you want," he said. "So we'll officially start around 2030 hours?" 

"'Official'?" she said with amusement. She tilted back her head, "Chakotay you sounded so Starfleet there -"

"–Sorry,” he said with a shrug. "The professor in me snuck up." 

Kathryn smirked, an idea came to her. "That's okay," she sighed, "I'll set the table and everything. I'll make the salad as well," she glanced over at him. "Long as you intend to bring the croutons...?" 

Chakotay stared at her and grinned, he nodded, "deal." 

"2030 sounds perfect," she said. "It'll give me time for a bath." 

Suddenly Chakotay saw images of her in the bathtub and his mouth went dry. He knew she was baiting him again, she was definitely planning something. So he picked up the rest of his orange juice and sipped saying, "well, that's...good." 

Kathryn smiled softly hearing his response, she knew she got him. She was happy to know she still hadn't lost her touch. After a moment, she sighed, "I think I'll go get dressed to do some work in the garden. Would you like to help?" 

"What do you need done?" 

She shrugged, "oh, a little weeding here or there. Perhaps find us some flowers for tonight -?" 

“That I can do," he said. She stood up and picked up her plate and coffee cup. He did the same and they stepped into the house. 

=/\=

Both worked in the garden for the morning. She gathered what they needed for their salad that evening while he walked around her flower garden deciding on what to put in the vase. He watched her digging up various vegetables putting them in the basket, she was also smiling to herself. He was sure something was on her mind, he was curious as to what. 

When she was finished, she slowly stood up and picked up the basket. She turned looking over at him. He was debating between a red or white hibiscus, she smiled, "I like the red.” 

He looked over at her, "that a request or an order?" 

"Take it as you see it," she replied not taking the bait. "I'm going inside to wash these off and start preparing them." She stepped up onto the porch, and then gazed over at him starting to wonder why he was dropping hints to her former Starfleet career. She sighed opening the door and slipped inside closing it. 

Chakotay then decided on the red, he used the pruner's clipping the flower adding it to the basket of flowers he'd started. 

After the flowers were brought inside, he took them trimming off the extra leaves, the end of the stems and took a special container she set aside filling it with water and submerged them completely to strengthen the stems. He was impressed with what he'd learned about cutting and caring for flowers from her. She had become quite the botanist, compared to the scientist and captain he once knew. 

He worked there while she finished up with the vegetables. When he was done he walked over behind her sliding his arms around her waist. She sighed smiling tilting back her head as he kissed her neck. "I can't tell you how happy I am," she said. 

"That's good," he replied softly. "I hope you stay this way." 

She reached behind her cupping the side of his face, he kissed her hand, "I'd love to...but, it’s difficult -" 

"-Give it time Kathryn," he said gently. "Just give it time."

"The more you’re with me," she whispered, "it seems less and less."

"I don't want you becoming," he told her, "too dependent on me Kathryn. I want to see you complete and whole." 

She nodded, "I know." They stood quietly for a few minutes, he kissed her temple inhaling the combined scent of her from the garden and the salty air. She sighed, "let me finish so we can take a swim." 

"Sure," he said and kissed her neck gently, then pulled away. 

When she was finished, she put the salad in the cooler and headed to change into her bathing suit. In her bedroom she made her bed and hung up her nightgown and robe outside her closet. She then changed into her bathing suit, as she did she discovered herself trembling a little. She sighed telling herself to focus on swimming, taking her mind off their upcoming dinner. 

She pulled the straps onto her shoulders, and then grabbed a towel, pulled on her beach sarong tying it and headed out. "Chakotay are you ready?" she asked heading by his bedroom. 

His door was closed. "Coming!" he replied. She headed further out towards the deck. He joined her a moment later wearing his deep blue swim trunks and had his towel draped across his shoulders. "Don't you take my towel this time," he warned. 

She smirked, "no promises," she held out her hand, he took it and they headed out. 

They spent the afternoon on the beach and swimming. During this they also talked about various sights they visited on the island. He commented on one of the waterfalls she had shown him two weeks before. She agreed it was beautiful as well, telling him that's how she got through some of her roughest days sometimes, the water was calming and had a healing effect on her senses. 

"But," she added softly gazing over at him under her sun hat. "It's even better with you here.” 

"I'm glad," he told her reaching out taking her hand as they lay side by side on their towels together. 

By the time the sun began to set, they stood up for one more swim before going inside to get ready. 

=/\= 

While Chakotay prepared the salmon dinner, Kathryn went into her large bathroom to take a bath. When he had dinner baking in the oven, he then went to his own room to shower and get ready. 

Before her bath, she set the deck table with her china, cloth napkins and champagne glasses. She put the bottle of champagne in the cooler and set up the candles in the center of the table and along the banister surrounding the deck. Just as she finished, she returned to her room to prepare. 

When Chakotay emerged from his bedroom showered and dressed in a dove gray vest with a black flecked pattern, cream silk long-sleeved shirt, black trousers and shoes. He walked into the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase, which were ready by now. He heard some Mozart string selections playing, aware that Kathryn was already setting the mood. 

Once the flowers were arranged in the vase, he picked it up heading outside to the deck. As he opened the sliding door, he saw her already outside dressed and lighting the candles. 

"You look beautiful," he said smiling, she turned seeing him and a smile lit up her face. 

"You don't look too bad yourself," she said admirably. 

"Oh no," he said placing the vase in the middle of the table. "You are beyond beautiful," she stared at him still smiling. She wore a sleeveless deep red dress with a low cut rounded bodice, slit up the right side to the mid-thigh and matching heels. The dress was elegant and so Kathryn. Her hair was curled beneath like she wore it when commanding Voyager, except it was a little longer just sweeping her neckline and a side was pulled up with a matching red flower clip. He was thrilled to see her in this color again. 

"I want tonight to be special," she said. 

He walked over to her taking her in his arms, "it already is." He kissed her gently, she responded as she wrapped her arms around him. Her perfume surrounded them and he looked at her, "let me check dinner," she nodded. He pulled away walking inside, she returned to lighting the candles. 

She walked inside to get the salad and saw him cutting up some lemons for the salmon. "It smells wonderful," she said with a smile. 

"I hope you're hungry," he said. 

"Very," she replied pulling out the bowl of salad and champagne. "How much longer?" 

"About twenty minutes," he said. "I'm just waiting on the potatoes." 

"Enough time to enjoy the salad," she said. 

"I'll be right there," he told her gazing over his shoulder. She smiled and walked out. 

Dinner was romantic and memorable for both, as the sun set deeper into the horizon and the candles glowed surrounding them. They listened to a little of Mozart, Schubert and Bach over the sound of the water rolling up on the shoreline. The wind was picking up some, but it was still tolerable. 

Soon as they finished eating, he pulled her to her feet taking her in his arms turning her in circles. She stared up at him, as his eyes never left hers, as they both felt they were the only two on the planet. 

"I love you," he said lovingly. 

She smiled, "I love you to," and reached up kissing him deeply. He responded holding her a little tighter. She slid her hand down his back guiding his body with hers as they moved in synch with each other. 

He felt her body's change and smiled at her, "you're getting into this." 

"Why shouldn't I?" she replied softly. "This was my idea, remember?" 

He nodded, "oh, yes I do. I'm happy you suggested it." 

Kathryn tossed back her head with a soft throaty laugh, he felt his body react. She was so beautiful and relaxed, "so am I." She lifted her head pressing her body tighter against his. "Chakotay how do you lecture?" 

He smiled, but confused at her question. "What? You know what I sound like. I've lectured you enough times in those seven years." 

"Yes, you did," she said softly. She locked her gaze with his, "what I'm wondering is if you'd like to give me some personal attention to one of your lectures?" 

He blinked for a moment as it began to register what she said. "Personal attention?" She nodded, her hand slid closer to his backside stroking, he shivered against her. He then sighed reaching up stroking the side of her face, "Kathryn are you sure?" 

She kissed his hand nodding, "very sure Chakotay. I want you to make love to me -" 

"-Personal attention?" he said beginning to smile. She nodded, "well, when I suggested you tell me in your own way, I didn't expect this way." 

"Surprised?" 

"Well, yes," he said. 

They still danced for a few moments, she kissed his chin whispering, "so professor, am I going to get my lesson or what?" 

Chakotay groaned feeling how warm it had suddenly become, she was warm and intoxicating. He then leaned down kissing her deeply and gently, she sighed responding as their tongues meshed lovingly. His desire for her surfacing, she clung to him as the world seemed to stop. Her insides began to melt and turn into liquid, and she felt his hand slide down her back stroking her gently afire. She moaned softly into his mouth wanting to be much closer to him now more than ever. He began to kiss her face and throat as she tilted back her head holding him, his breath growing short. He whispered, "I think we should go inside." 

She nodded, "I think your right," and kissed him again. He responded and lifted her into his arms, she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you Chakotay." 

"I love you Kathryn," he said tenderly opening the glass door stepping in and closing it behind them, leaving the candles and their dinner dishes until the morning. 

=/\= 

Once inside her bedroom, they left all the lights off but the one by her bed. He kept kissing her gently wanting to go slowly since it had been a long time for her. He first removed the clip from her hair placing it on the nightstand and she slid her hands down his back to his waist caressing. He placed a kiss on her temple beginning to work slowly down her face to her throat as she tilted back her head. She sighed when she felt him draw the zipper down the back of her dress. 

He slid his hand inside placing it on her smooth, lean back. She shivered against him as he caressed her slowly. His fingers found her bra strap and he unhooked it, she gasped softly staring at him. "You okay?" he asked her gently. 

She nodded, "yes...it's just been so long." 

"I'll only do what you're comfortable with," he whispered. 

She reached up cupping his face shaking her head, "no, don't worry about that. I just want to concentrate on us -" 

He then kissed her deeply again as she responded with as much desire. His hands reached up slipping the dress from her shoulders and it slid soundlessly to the floor. She slid her hands up him slowly unbuttoning his vest and freed him of it, as he shrugged out of it tossing it to the floor. His shirt then joined her dress and his vest, he then removed her bra easily. She groaned as the pleasure washed through her when he slid his hands up cupping her breasts. 

They kissed deeply again, their tongues meshing as the desire swam through them. He slid his hands down her caressing her stomach and waist. Then lifted her up placing her back against the pillows on the bed. 

She stared up at him in the moon and lamplight. "You're so beautiful -" he whispered. She opened her arms to him, he then removed his trousers and joined her in her arms only in his boxers kissing her lovingly. She responded with just as much love and desire, she moaned when he caressed her and cupped her breasts again. 

Kathryn lay still as he began to slowly kiss down her with soft warm kisses. She held his head running her fingers through his hair. She cried out when he took ripe bud in his mouth beginning to savor it gently. Her insides grew warmer for him as her heart began to race and breath grew short. He kissed gently over to the next one and she groaned again. 

He slid his hand down to her hip, tracing the line of her panties, she shuddered beneath him with a gasp. He stretched up kissing her gently again, his passion awakened for her after all these years, but forced himself to go slow and ease her back into lovemaking gently. 

She felt his hands at her hips stroking her over her panties and abdomen. She closed her eyes in the pleasure and he kissed her face working slowly down her as he feathered her with soft kisses. The ache was slowly forming in the pit of her stomach beginning to build slowly and becoming sweeter. He was kissing her abdomen, she sighed arching her back to him. 

He hooked his fingers with her panties and began to pull them down, she lifted her hips as he removed them and then cried out softly when he placed his mouth on her womanhood. Tears formed in her eyes as she only dreamed of him doing this to her while on Voyager. Now that time finally arrived, six years after their return. 

Her legs parted more to allow him better access, as her body became more warm and moist for him. “Chakotay -" she groaned and he lay against her kissing her deeply again as their tongues meshed. She slid her hands down his back to his boxer shorts beginning to pull them down. 

He felt her need, but gazed at her, "take your time, my love. I want to take our time -" 

"-I want you so much," she whispered. 

"I know," he said, "but let me make love to you the way only you have dreamed." She lifted her head up kissing him again as he responded, a hand slid down her caressing each part of her gently. He found her womanhood and began to stroke her gently, she cried out against his mouth as her body shuddered against his hand. He was keeping the ache at bay, letting it build slowly. 

He continued to caress her as her body opened to his, he stroked her bud of nerves her body arching to his hand. She clung to him and groaned when he gently slid two fingers within her, beginning to explore her deeply and preparing her for their joining. She was tight, very and he planned to be gentle, although this wasn't new to her. She groaned pressing him deeper kissing him more holding his face in her hands. Her body shuddered again deeply as he drew her closer to release by constantly stroking her within and up against her bud. 

He then pulled away lowering his head taking a breast into his mouth and she cried out his name again. His fingers began to move a little deeper and faster when her muscles began to clench him, she was getting closer. The ache built even more and became tighter as he continued, her insides were ready for him now. It was almost time to complete them, his own need growing more intense. 

She cried out again and arched her hips against his hand clinging to him. Suddenly she felt it burst and spread traveling to each of her nerve endings. She cried out as her body shuddered against his hand, she gasped as he kissed her again drawing her up against him. 

He knew it was time while her body still quaked with the after effect. So he slowly drew away from her, removing his shorts, his need for her apparent. She lay viewing him and he smiled gently down at her. She reached up as he took her hand and he slid between her legs, their hands clenched. He leaned down drawing her bud of nerves up against his tongue, she cried out gasping arching her back gripping the bedcovers and his hand. 

"Oh my -!" she whimpered the tears forming in her eyes. "Cha-ko-tay!" Another groan of pleasure came from her as he continued to explore her deeply with his mouth, she became even more moist. "I can't take...it," she wanted this so badly, she had no idea how incredible it'd be. 

He then lay against her kissing her deeply, their tongues meshing as she tasted herself on him. She clung to him as he positioned himself at her womanhood, her legs slid around his hips. He wanted her so much at this point it was becoming unbearable, but he forced himself to take it slow and gentle for her. There'd be time for passion later. 

Then he slowly began to join them, she cried out at the slight discomfort. He slid slowly and gently into her, joining them. When her body surrounded him and warmed him, he whimpered against her, "oh Kathryn -" he wanted to cry. He let her body adjust to his as he filled her completely. She held him against her and then moved her hips against his. 

He took that as a sign she was ready and he moved against her slowly and gently. They kissed deeply and gently again, he drew her hips tighter against his. Her breath grew into short gasps as she clung to him, her legs wrapped tighter around his waist urging him deeper. 

"I love you," she breathed. 

"I love you," he groaned kissing her face and cupped a breast thumbing a bud to its peak keeping her aroused. He continued to move slowly and gently against her, she held his head arching her back. He then withdrew almost and brought them together again deeper and firmer, she groaned clutching him tightly. 

Kathryn's body shuddered against his as the ache built more within her deeply. She loved him so much and deeply that finally being this way brought her near to tears. "There," she whimpered as he stroked a part of her that she liked. 

He heard her, "here?" he gazed at her moving his hips slowly against the spot. She groaned reaching up taking his face in her hands. She nodded, he kissed her gently and he began to move his hips in small circles stroking her gently. She whimpered against his mouth, the ache growing stronger, he felt her muscles begin to clench him more and he began to move harder now. 

She began to moan loudly as he continued to move deeper and harder against the spot drawing her closer to the most intense orgasm she'd ever felt. He then buried his face in her neck and hair, she clutched to him, he felt his release nearing. Both their heartbeats merged, their breaths turning into sharp gasps of pleasure. 

He began to move a little faster as her muscles grabbed him tighter. She began to scream, he groaned as they held each other. Kathryn pressed her body up against his tighter attempting to turn both their bodies into one spirit. Her release was going to be intense and she knew she'd cry when it'd come. 

Suddenly she felt her body shudder so violently she screamed arching her back into him, the tears sliding down her face as she reached the highest plateau and she began to slowly float back to earth. 

He groaned her name when he felt his body shudder, his life spilled into hers, he collapsed against her. He felt his entire body continue to shudder as he embraced her gathering her up against him, his hips slowing. 

She gasped still crying and he gazed at her, she smiled up at him. He smiled gently at her kissing her gently, stroking her tears away. After a moment he looked at her, the tears slowly drying up. "You're so beautiful," he whispered. "You're not feeling hurt or anything?" 

She shook her head taking his face in her hands, "no, just how much I love you." 

He kissed her gently again, then moved beside her taking her into his arms. She kissed his chest and he held her. Their heartbeats slowed quietly as he stroked her hair and back he asked, "did I hurt you?" 

“No," she replied softly. "I knew there'd be a little discomfort, but I love you. When you started out slow it disappeared." He took her hand in his lacing them. She sighed, "I've dreamed of this since last month." 

"I know," he said, "but you weren't ready then." She nodded, he ran his hand slowly down the length of her back caressing gently. He sighed curious, "did you plan for this to happen?" 

She then propped herself up on his chest gazing at him in the dim light. He began to trace her face gently, she smiled softly, "since this morning." 

He then smiled amazed, "this morning?" She nodded, "Kathryn all that we didn't do, when you wanted - ?" She nodded again, the realization sinking in. “What changed your mind?" 

She began to trace his eyebrow and tattoo gently, "last night when you held me I felt so...peaceful." A tear sprang to her eye, "when you woke me up yesterday afternoon, if you didn't...arrive at all...I could have slept straight through. I was depressed and...I couldn't seem to escape –“

He reached out putting his finger to her mouth, she quieted, "ssh." He leaned over kissing her gently, she moaned responding as he stroked her tears away. Then he looked at her, "now listen to me. Never doubt my love, our love. You have me for the rest of your life. Like I told you last night, I want you to be able to tell me anything that confuses you from years ago. I want to protect you, like I always did back then, but you've have to open up to me completely. Promise me?" 

She reached up cupping the side of his face nodding, "I promise. I love you Chakotay." 

"I love you," he said tenderly. "Come on," he moved away from her and stood up pulling the bedcovers back, she lifted herself beneath them and he joined her wrapping her arms around him as he wrapped his around her pulling the sheet and comforter over them. She curled against him closing her eyes as he stroked her back gently. 

"This has been the happiest day," she whispered, "of my life." 

"Same for me," he replied kissing the top of her head. They held each other and slowly drifted off to sleep. 

Chakotay stirred softly opening his eyes to the bright sunlight streaming through the window. He sighed glancing down finding Kathryn sleeping against him still, her hair surrounding her with a soft smile on her face. He studied her for a moment, she looked really content for the first time since he first arrived. He glanced at her chronometer, 0600. He was surprised it was that early, he glanced down at her finding her beautiful in this light. 

He reached down stroking the side of her face, she stirred softly. A moment later her eyes fluttered open, her blue eyes caught his dark ones, he smiled gently at her. "Goodmorning," he said. 

She sighed, "goodmorning. What time is it?" 

"Early," he replied softly. "The birds aren't even up -" 

She lifted her head listening, and then said, "-well I do hear a cockatoo about a hundred feet away." 

He chuckled and she gasped when he rolled over against her kissing her gently. She wrapped her arms around him responding with a soft moan, her body responding to his. He looked at her, "your humor's coming back, my love." 

She slid her legs around his hips feeling him harden against her. She sighed, "actually I've just shelved it for these past six years." She reached up tracing his eyebrow whispering, "you're bringing it out of me." 

"I hope so," he said gently kissing her again. She responded and groaned when he joined them deeply. She clung to him as he kissed her face and throat. She felt the passion and ache begin to build, she held his hips guiding him deeper arching her back to him. The early morning passion filled them growing as their heartbeats became one. She ran her hands through his hair groaning as they kissed again passionately, their tongues meshing. 

She rolled over against him sitting up closing her eyes, he sat up kissing her breasts pulling her up closer to him. She gasped holding his head arching her back pressing her hips downward urging him deeper. They kissed again as they rocked gently, her body shuddered deeply and she cried out, the ache was building quickly. 

"You’re so beautiful!" he groaned caressing her back sliding his hands down to her hips drawing her tighter against him. She cried out moving her hips harder against his, but it wasn't enough, "let me," he said passionately rolling over against her. She wrapped her legs higher around his waist, the sheet tangling beneath and around her, she couldn't move now. He began to pound harder into her now, she began to scream his name. 

Kathryn raised her arms above her head as he pressed himself against her holding her hands as they clenched tightly. Her muscles clenched him even more now, he buried his face in her neck groaning. 

Suddenly as quick as it began, she felt the ache burst warming her entire body and soul. She screamed arching her back clutching him tightly. He felt his release and cried out collapsing against her gasping, he kissed her throat gently as she tilted back her head. 

They gazed at each other as their heartbeats slowed, "oh my," she breathed husky with passion. He smiled staring down at her, "that was incredible." 

"Yes it was," he agreed gently. "You were perfect -" 

"-You weren't too bad yourself," she quipped. He chuckled kissing her gently as she held him. He rolled over pulling her against him, even tangling her more in the sheet. After a moment she looked at him, "Chakotay?" 

"Yes, my love?" 

"I can't move," she said simply. 

Confused, Chakotay glanced down along her body seeing the sheet tangled around her. 

He let out a soft chuckle, "Kathryn what'd you do?" 

She frowned, "what did I do? You're the one who pounced on me and didn't give me time to move." 

"Oh, I'm sorry my love," he said. "Here let me help you -" 

She tried moving her legs to help, but it only got worse, she groaned, "Chakotay it's not helping -" 

"-Well, stop moving!" he said attempting to loosen the sheet. He grunted, "your wrapped up like a cocoon -how'd we make love like this?" 

She laughed, "your guess is as good as mine!" He chuckled again, she stopped moving as he moved down to her feet slowly untangling her. Their playfulness beginning to arouse him again, he got an idea. He managed to free her feet and then her calves, which had some separation. He then leaned down kissing the inside of them, Kathryn felt him, she sighed, "Chakotay what are you doing?" 

"What do you think?" he responded placing soft kisses slowly up her, his hands pulling the sheet from around her. 

Her body shuddered, she moaned, "are you trying...to keep me...this way?" 

He rolled her onto her back pulling the sheet away from her hips, his head was beneath the sheet. He then began to tickle her, she gasped with a scream, "oh...that's what I wanted to know -" 

Kathryn started to laugh as he continued to tickle her, "Chakotay! Stop it!" 

He still kissed her abdomen as he tickled her while pinning her down so she wouldn't thrash around. "Stay still Kathryn -"

"-Stop it!" she demanded, her lungs gasping.

"Really?" he replied and then placed his mouth on her bud, he groaned as he drew her swollen bud up against his tongue. 

"Oh my -" she whispered in the desire, he continued to manipulate her with his mouth. She reached beneath the sheet holding his head. She arched her back pressing him deeper. His tongue flicked inside her hot center as her body shuddered. "Chak-o-tay!" Her body then shuddered deeply sending her over the edge as she screamed. She sighed and he slowly finished untangling her as he emerged from the sheet kissing her. She held his face in her hands responding. They looked at each other after a moment, "you did that on purpose." 

He smiled at her, "yes, but you enjoyed it." 

She stroked his face, "your right. I did," they embraced gently as he lay against her, he stroked her hair, "I love you." 

"I love you," he said and they held each other falling back to sleep. 

=/\=

A few hours later Kathryn stirred softly against him, this time the sheet barely covering her. She sighed opening her eyes lifting her head, her eyes caught Chakotay sleeping beside her. She smiled happy to see him finally beside her. She slowly sat up pulling the sheet around her body some staring down at his sleeping form as she remembered the previous night and early this morning. She brushed her hair out of her face happy this finally happened between them, but her heart also sank knowing he was leaving that evening. 

She sighed and slid off the bed walking naked around the bed pulling on her robe. She saw their clothes and picked them up draping them over the end. Then glanced back at him as he still slept and took a small blanket out to the beach. 

When she stepped out onto the deck into the warmer air, she saw their dinner dishes and all the candles burned down. The salty air blew around her gently and she stepped down to the sand walking slowly over to just beyond the surf, opened the blanket sitting down on it thinking. 

Chakotay moaned softly, his eyes slowly opened and a hand reached out feeling for Kathryn. He felt empty space beside him, he knew she had a big bed, so he lifted his head to see if she were just further away. "Kathryn?" She wasn't there, he looked around finding himself alone and he immediately sat up. "Kathryn?" His gaze caught their clothes at the end of the bed. He started to worry, after finding her the day before like she was he hoped nothing changed for her since early this morning. 

He quickly slid off the bed grabbing his boxer shorts and slipped them on. He headed out to the rest of the house. "Kathryn?" He checked everywhere, still not finding her. He sighed worrying and then glanced outside to the beach and saw her sitting before the surf. He groaned with relief and opened the sliding door stepping out and onto the deck, then down onto the beach heading over to her. He approached her slowly, "Kathryn?" 

She glanced over her shoulder at him, she smiled softly seeing the look of worry and concern on his face. "It's about time you woke up." 

“What are you doing out here?" he asked her gently sitting beside her. "I woke up and didn't find you. I got worried." 

She sighed leaning against him, he wrapped his arm around her, "I had to think for awhile." 

"What about?" 

Kathryn was quiet for a moment, "about how happy I am you're here." He kissed the side of her head tenderly, "and how good I feel now." Then her voice dropped, "but you’re also leaving this evening -I wish now you wouldn't go." 

Chakotay pulled her into his arms holding her as she wrapped her arms around him pressing her body against his. He was worried that she'd have another relapse while he was gone, but at this short notice canceling his classes would be frowned upon. "Come with me," he said. 

Kathryn looked at him, "what?” 

"Come back with me," he said staring at her. 

She stared at him, "you’re serious?" He nodded, she shook her head, "no Chakotay...I don't think I'm ready to step back on to the base again."

"Who said you'd have to?" he replied. "Stay with me at my apartment this week, then we'll come back here next weekend." 

Kathryn sighed, she reached out stroking his face, and he kissed her hand. "I'm not ready to leave yet Chakotay," her eyes welled with tears. "Please, don't -I can't... " 

He saw her emotions surfacing, he understood her fear. "Okay," he said gently wrapping her against him, "I won't push you, you'll come when you're ready." She closed her eyes as the tears slid down her face, he sighed, "I'm just worried you'll have another relapse Kathryn." 

She wiped her eyes, "I know, but I'll be fine."

He stroked her hair and back, "I know. I think after yesterday you turned over a big hurdle." He paused, "and last night was so beautiful." 

She smiled, "yes, it was." She looked up at him cupping the side of his face, he leaned down kissing her gently, she responded as they held each other. He lowered her to the blanket gently lying against her as her arms surrounded him. 

Chakotay slid his hands down her gently pulling apart her robe still finding her bare beneath. He cupped her breasts and she sighed arching her back to him as he lowered his head down taking a ripe bud in his mouth beginning to savor gently. "I love you," he murmured gently. He wanted to ask her to marry him, but it was too soon for her since she wasn't ready to return to the mainland. He then kissed her again as she held his face in her hands responding sweetly. After a moment he gazed at her, "here on the beach?" 

She nodded, "yes, please. It's completely private, no one will see us Chakotay." She slid her legs around his hips, her hands slid down to his shorts pushing them down. "Make love to me again, I love you so much." 

He kissed her deeply again as their tongues meshed deeply and tenderly. "My Kathryn," he whispered holding her. 

They made tender love on the beach that afternoon before returning inside to clean up from the night before. They barely finished the kitchen when they made love again against the wall in the corridor on the way to the bedroom. The passion and need for each other so great they couldn't wait. 

Kathryn was worried about getting pregnant however, because she knew at this time she wasn't mentally ready to care for an infant. She knew Chakotay would be thrilled if she did become pregnant and help her anyway he could. But she didn't want to burden him with extra childcare over his teaching and she also knew she couldn't move back to the mainland just if she were pregnant. They would need to be together, at this point in time, together here on the island only. 

Hours later they lay spooned on her bed after more lovemaking as his arms surrounded her and head rested on her shoulder. She held his hands thinking she'd go see a doctor tomorrow to get a hypo to prevent any chances of conception that might have occurred. 

He stroked her shoulder kissing it, "why are you so quiet?" 

Kathryn sighed with a shrug, "just thinking." 

"What about?" he asked gently knowing their arrangement for her to tell him everything. She turned over gazing up at him stroking his face, "nothing for you to be worried about." 

He stared at her as she looked at him giving no indication something was bothering her. He nodded, "okay," and kissed her gently showing he accepted her answer. He pulled away, "are you hungry? I do have to leave soon." 

"I wish you didn't remind me," she whispered tearfully. 

“Oh, Kathryn," he said gently, "you know I'd stay if I could, but I have to. Perhaps I'll get a week off so I can stay awhile longer." 

She smiled softly, “that'd be nice." She kissed him again as he responded, she slid her arms around his back pulling him against her. She whispered, "forget food. Make love to me again. I want to remember you until next weekend." 

"Yes, my love," he agreed and they kissed deeply and passionately making love right before he left. 

Shortly later, she reluctantly let him get up and gather his clothes to get ready to leave. She lay quietly beneath the sheet as he showered and dressed. Tears slid down her face, but she fought to control them to remain strong for the next four days. She didn't want him to see her this way before he left, so she got out of bed and wrapped her robe around her walking into her bathroom to wash her face and brush her hair. 

She was in more control as they stood on her deck, he was dressed in a white short sleeved shirt and tan trousers. He held both bags and kissed her gently, "will you be okay?" he asked her gently. 

She nodded, "yes, I'll be fine." 

He studied her, “I'll call you every night when class is done." 

"About what time?" she asked. 

"1800 hours," he replied, she nodded. "Kathryn if you need me don't hesitate to call me anytime, even if you have to interrupt me while I'm in class. Place an emergency call and I'll be here within a half hour." 

"Okay," she said nodding. 

"And if I can't be reached -" he said. 

"Call Tom," she finished for him. "I know." 

He stroked her face, "I love you so much. Take care of yourself Kathryn." 

"I will Chakotay," she said trying not to cry. "You'd better go." 

"I'll call you tomorrow night," he said, this was tearing him apart that he had to leave her after this weekend. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he had no choice. She stared at him forcing the tears back, "go please. I'll talk to you then."

He nodded and pulled out the newly designed commbadge from his pocket. He activated it, "Captain Chakotay to transporter room two." 

"Yes, Captain?" 

"Request one to beam back to HQ," he said gazing at her. 

"Yes, sir," was the reply. 

"I love you," he said beginning to feel the beam take him. 

"I love you," she whispered watching him dematerialize and then he was gone. She stood for a moment staring where he'd been and then sighed shaking the loneliness of him gone off and went inside to take a bath.

The next day Kathryn got an appointment with a local doctor in Hana who had a private practice. When she arrived at his office, his receptionist informed him it was the famous Captain Kathryn Janeway of Voyager. He was shocked to hear that since she'd disappeared six-year's before. Only to find out when reading her current information, she had been a resident in his small town for the past six years. Many didn't know her except she was very private and only seen in town every other week. 

When it was time to see her, he entered his exam room, he found her standing in the changing gown he had all new patients wear. She stood with her arms folded across her chest and was studying a medical chart. In the years since the last known picture of her, she had changed, but she was more beautiful now than ever before. The island apparently had been good to her. 

She turned when seeing him enter, he smiled gently at her, "goodmorning Ms. Janeway, I'm Doctor Michael Portman." 

Kathryn gazed at the older man, he was Hawaiian, and his dark hair with silver flecks throughout gave him a seasoned appearance. He looked kind and gentle, but her heart raced for the reason she was there. "Goodmorning Doctor Portman," she said keeping her voice steady. 

"Would you like to sit down and talk?" he asked her indicating to the biobed in the center of the room. "I usually like to get to know my new patients before I put them through the paces.” 

Kathryn found him considerate, but knew her information would be confidential. She smiled a little, "thank you Doctor Portman." She glanced down, then up gazing at him. "I..." he waited patiently. "Might be pregnant, but at this moment...I can't have a baby." 

He nodded sensing she needed to talk, he nodded putting down her chart. "Fine. Well, let's talk okay?" Kathryn nodded and walked over lifting herself onto the biobed. He sat down pulling up a stool sitting in front of her. It wasn't a short stool, more like a bar stool with a foothold so it brought him eye-level with his patients. He sighed, "have you missed any of your periods?" 

She shook her head, "no -well, I don't know yet. I mean, the man I'm involved with, we just -" he was shocked to see her like this. She was showing such vulnerability, something that wasn't described as her from all the news reports and interviews of her crew. She obviously went into isolation for six years to gain some peace, but why was she so vulnerable right now? "This weekend we...finally made love." 

"So you haven't had a prevention," he asked her, "booster in how long?" 

"Over 13 years," she replied and she stared at him. "Doctor, I'm not going to act as if you don't know who I am. So can we please cut to the chase?" 

He smiled, "okay. May I call you Kathryn?”

She nodded, "that would be fine." 

He sighed, "this man you’re intimate with, has he had his booster?" 

She shrugged, "I don't know, but I hardly think so. I...can't be pregnant now. It's not... " tears welled into her eyes, she wiped them away. “A good...idea." 

She was obviously stressed or depressed over this idea of possibly being pregnant. He reached out taking her hand gently, "its okay Kathryn, relax. Well, like you said, we should 'cut to the chase'. Let me test your biolevels to see if anything shows. But that requires a deep scan." 

"I understand," she said with a nod. 

"Well, let's get started," he said standing and indicating for her to lie back against the bed. 

Kathryn then slid back and slowly lay flat against the bed, he activated the sensor arms and called in his nurse to assist him and comfort her. He began the deep scan of her pelvic region, as well as taking standard scans of her entire body for current weight, blood gas levels, blood sugar and other medical scans. Kathryn lay quietly trying to keep her tears back knowing what she'd have to do if he said there was a possibility she was pregnant. 

He watched her, as she seemed deep in thought, so he said, "how do you like Maui Kathryn?" 

She looked over at him, "it's very nice." Then paused, "no, I'm sorry. I meant beautiful, I can't see myself anywhere else." 

He nodded while still monitoring the scan and made an adjustment. "Any health problems in the past several year's Kathryn? Since you left Starfleet?" 

"What do you mean by problems?" 

He shrugged, "any colds, injuries, menses problems -?" 

She shook her head, " -nothing like that." 

"Good," he said and glanced at her. "How are you?" 

"I beg your pardon?" she asked firmly, afraid he was discovering her depression. 

"You. Kathryn Janeway," he replied. "The woman." 

Kathryn sighed, he couldn't be more direct than that, and she was smart enough to know what he meant. "I'm better...it's been difficult, but in the past two months I haven't been alone much." 

"That's good," he said. He paused having to ask the next one, but not to pry. "Kathryn if you are pregnant, would the man you're involved with object to you terminating the pregnancy?" 

Kathryn felt the tears slip from her eyes, the nurse gently held her hand and gave her a tissue. She sighed, her voice broke, "well, he'd want to marry me, I know that. But, it doesn't start to show a heartbeat after the second month at least. As long as -" her throat tightened. "I can take care of it beforehand -" she wiped her eyes. "I'm not going to even tell him this happened." 

"Do you think that's wise?" 

"I have no choice doctor," she said amidst her tears. "I'm simply unable to care for a child at this time." 

"I understand," he said, knowing now she felt herself obviously mentally and emotionally fragile at this time. Perhaps it would be a good thing for her. He turned off the scanner and then lowered the sensor arms. "You can sit up," he said gently. She slowly sat up, he turned to a counter with a sterilized hypo and a tray of vials. He chose one and attached it, he sighed turning to her. "Kathryn your hormones have risen slightly, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's obvious your emotional state right now is quite fragile. As for your endocrine levels, they're showing a slight increase themselves. How soon does your menses show? Are you regular?" 

She nodded, "yes, I'm pretty regular. It runs about every 29 days or so. I’ve been that way since my first year in the Delta Quadrant." 

"Well," he said, "considering the stress you went through those early days, I'm not surprised your body changed to adapt." He held up the hypo, "I'm going to give you a shot of polyteskokine to counteract any uterine antibodies from forming." Kathryn nodded slowly ready to burst into tears, she had heard of this drug. It's what she came for. "It does have consequences however and some unfortunate reactions." 

Kathryn closed her eyes tightly inhaling trying to focus on what she was doing. Why she was doing this. Chakotay please forgive me! She said to herself pleading. I'm so sorry! 

"After I inject it," he continued calmly, "you'll experience some heavy bleeding for a few days, cramps, they could be strong and maybe some vomiting. I'm going to send you home with a painkiller to calm the cramps if they get too difficult to bear. If your bleeding doesn't stop after three or four days to a light flow, you come immediately to see me." He stared at her, "soon as I inject it, I can't counteract it. Are you sure?" 

Kathryn nodded, "yes, I'm very sure," and felt her insides lurch in grief. 

"Any questions?" 

"How soon," she asked, "till it takes effect?" 

"You'll start experiencing," he replied, "the first bleeding and light cramping within the next two hours or so." She nodded, "are you ready?" She nodded again, almost forcing her head to move. She couldn't talk, her throat was tight with oncoming tears. "You'll experience a mild discomfort when I inject it." She tilted her head to the side exposing her carotid artery. He placed the hypo against her throat and she closed her eyes. 

Kathryn then heard the hiss of the spray and felt a stinging warmth as the drug entered her bloodstream going to work. Tears slid down her face, no matter how hard she tried to hold it in. 

"You can get dressed," he told her gently. "Head home. My nurse will supply you with a few days’ painkillers. I'll call you tonight and tomorrow to see how you're doing." 

"Thank you doctor," she whispered. He smiled gently at her, patted her arm and gestured to his nurse to help her dress and whatever else she needed. He walked out of the room. 

"Come on Kathryn," the nurse told her gently holding up her trousers. 

Kathryn managed to dress, got the instructions how to the use the painkillers and then drove back home. 

=/\=

When she arrived back at the house, she entered the silent living area closing the front door and locked it. Suddenly she felt the dam burst and she began to sob softly for what she did. Had to do. She knew he hadn't confirmed a pregnancy, but there was a possibility. 

"I'm so sorry," she whispered out loud to Chakotay's presence that still was felt in the house. She headed towards her bedroom to change back into her nightgown and to prepare for the worse menses of her life. 

Then right on schedule as she sat on the sofa, her first mild cramp showed. She rode it out and sipped some hot herbal tea, concentrating on the music that strained from the speakers. 

By evening the cramps were stronger and the bleeding a little heavier. She cried at the thought of what she did, but reassured to herself she had no choice, there was no way she could care for a child now. She only hoped when Chakotay called the following evening she'd look okay. And, when he showed up on Friday night, she'd be able to show him she was okay. 

Doctor Portman called her after 1900 hours, she reported to him on her current status. She also asked him about having a prevention booster regularly scheduled for each month and if she was up to it, lovemaking on the weekend. 

He told her the intimacy part would all depend on her if her bleeding had stopped and if she was sore. He suggested some warm baths when it slowed, but if she felt comfortable for intimacy, to take it slow and gentle. She thanked him and said goodnight. 

She woke up early the next morning to vomiting, she managed to get to her commode in the bathroom on time. When she finished retching, she lay curled on the cool tile floor breathing trying to focus, she began to cry softly wishing for Chakotay to be there and hold her through this. But that was impossible, he couldn't know about this. 

When she felt calmer and her stomach settled, she pulled herself off the floor to the sink and washed her face and mouth out. She tied her hair behind her and then changed her personal items to ride the second day. 

=/\= 

It was during this painful and grief-stricken time for Kathryn that Chakotay reported to the academy, his thoughts on her when he wasn't guiding his students in the way of anthropology and paleontology. He was completely unaware of her need for him to comfort her. 

But something did feel different about what he was feeling...he couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. So he shook it off thinking it was just his anticipation in speaking with her that evening and soon the idea of taking her in his arms on Friday afternoon. 

=/\=

When he returned to his apartment that evening, he put down his briefcase with paper's to grade, took off his uniform jacket and walked into his office, the lights coming up as he walked in. He walked over to his desk and sat down activating his computer placing the call to Kathryn. He waited as her communit continued to beep, he figured she was in another part of the house or something. But he did tell her what time he'd be calling... 

Suddenly the screen flicked on, he smiled seeing her face, "hello, my love." 

"Hello," she said with a soft smile. 

"How are you?" he asked concerned.

She shrugged, "I'm doing just fine Chakotay -" 

"-You look a little pale," he commented gently. "Are you sure?" 

She shook her head, "I'm fine. I just want you here as soon as possible. I...miss you." 

"I miss you to Kathryn," he said tenderly and smiled at her. "Friday is only two days away-" 

"I can't wait," she said. She closed her eyes for a moment, then reopened them, "how was...your day?" 

He shrugged, "the usual juniors asking me very complex questions to some unanswered mysteries of our galaxy." She didn't respond, he sensed something was wrong. He tilted his head towards her a little, "Kathryn?" 

=/\=

Kathryn lifted her head, she swallowed and breathed trying to control a cramp that felt like her insides were being torn out. She fought the tears that wanted to flow, she had to appear at ease with him. Although now a throbbing headache began to pulse in her temples. 

"Yes," she said, barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry Chakotay, but...I just started my...time of the month and I'm getting a headache." 

He nodded with understanding in his eyes, "okay my love. I understand. Have some tea and rest, I'll talk to you tomorrow night." 

"I will," she said while gritting her teeth. 

"I love you," he said. 

She groaned deep in her throat, "I love you to," and quickly cut the transmission doubling over in pain. She wrapped her arms around her abdomen groaning trying to breathe, she closed her eyes. She told herself to relax and tried to breathe, a whimper escaped her throat. 

After a moment it began to subside some, she slowly began to stand stumbling out of her office and back into bed where she administered the painkiller. It took effect a few minutes later and she drifted off to sleep. 

The next two days she continued to bleed heavy, the cramps seemed to get stronger and slowly they began to subside late Thursday evening. She took a long warm bath letting the heat seep into her body penetrating her tired muscles and relaxing her. She was relieved at least the vomiting had stopped. Almost a day and a half of running to the commode in time was difficult and frustrating. 

By Friday morning she found the bleeding had tapered off and there weren't anymore cramps. Although her abdomen ached somewhat, she knew she should get something prepared for dinner because he was due within a few hours, but she didn't feel much like it. She was glad however that she was able to show a relaxed and normal state when speaking each time with him and her color had returned somewhat. 

=/\= 

She was sitting on her sofa reading a letter from Harry with a cup of chamomile tea when she saw him materialize on the beach. Although she now wore just a pair of sweat pants and tee shirt, she still felt a slight chill and had a blanket covering her from the waist down. Her throat tightened with tears as he stepped up onto her deck and opened the glass doors carrying his overnight bag and wearing his uniform. He'd come straight from his last class. 

Chakotay saw her and smiled gently at her as he closed the doors. "Hello," he saw how drained she looked and frowned. "Are you okay Kathryn?" 

She nodded, "yes, just a little tired," he put down his bag and headed over to her. 

"Do you mind if I join you?" 

That's all she wanted at that moment since Monday afternoon when the hypospray took effect. "Please do," she replied. He walked over to her noting the blanket over her extended legs. She smiled softly up at him, he kneeled down in front of her holding out his arms, and she didn't think much and threw herself into his arms, burying her face in his shoulder. 

Chakotay wrapped his arms around her as she clung tightly to him. He stroked her hair and back gently as she began to cry softly. "I'm here, its okay," he said gently. 

Kathryn couldn't hold the tears in anymore and she had just begun to cry. She was so happy to see him, feel him and be with him again. His presence alone was a great comfort to her. "I've missed you," she whispered, "so much." 

"I've missed you," he said gently in her ear. He kissed her neck gently and then gazed at her stroking the tears from her face. "Kathryn I -" he stopped himself finding the right words. "You look a little hungry -" 

“-I didn't get anything -" she said. 

He shook his head, "-don't worry, I'll take care of it." 

She sighed, "oh Chakotay are you sure? You've worked all day -" 

He smirked, " - hey, I have to feed myself each day anyway." She then smiled at his joke, he smiled as well. "I love you and I love your smile." 

"I love you," she replied, he kissed her gently, then pulled away heading into the kitchen. 

Over in the kitchen he decided to make a salad for them to share. He stopped for a moment glancing over at Kathryn who sat on the sofa reading a padd. Something was odd, he was sure now, she was being too quiet. 

In the past when he'd arrived, they'd talk about each of their weeks and laugh. And she'd help him prepare dinner. Tonight she wasn't even joining him. Her tears alone told him something was wrong, he just wished he knew what it was. He decided to approach her about it after they ate. 

But she didn't feel much like talking even as they ate at the dining room table. When she stood up to head to the bedroom, he decided he couldn't take it anymore. He thought after these last two months she was starting to finally become the woman he once knew -aside from her occasional setbacks - and someone he was learning to know as a different, but intoxicating beautiful woman. And, especially after last weekend when they finally consummated their love for each other, he had hoped she'd be more talkative and open with him now. This was the complete opposite and he wanted answers, he was concerned about her. 

He stood up walking up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist. "Kathryn," he said gently into her ear. "What's wrong?" 

She closed her eyes leaning against him, "what makes you think something's wrong?" 

He sighed, "you're too quiet for one thing and when I arrived." 

Kathryn felt tears well in her eyes. "I just missed you Chakotay -" 

He shook his head, " -no, I don't believe that's all of it. I know you Kathryn, please talk to me.”

She then turned into his arms staring up at him, "Chakotay I just had an off-week with my monthly, so I'm a little distracted." 

"Kathryn," he said taking her face in his hands. "I saw how you were during those times all those year's on Voyager. You never got distracted during then, even on the worst days." 

She frowned at him, "I couldn't get distracted -" 

"- That's what I mean," he said. "You never let yourself and now you are?" He sighed, "it makes no sense." He pulled her closer to him, "please, love, talk to me-" 

Kathryn stared up at him, desperately wanting to tell him what she did. But she couldn't, she was afraid he'd be too angry with her and leave. She didn't want that happening. Instead she smiled softly, "I'm fine Chakotay. Now, are you coming to bed?" 

He stared at her, not quite sure how to respond. Her attitude was fine, that's for sure, but he still sensed something wasn't right about her. Deciding to broach the subject later when she was ready, he kissed her gently. She responded wrapping her arms around him pressing her body against him and he felt his body react after not being near her for the past four days. 

After several minutes he looked at her, "let me clean up and I'll be right in." 

She smiled softly, "hurry up," and she pulled away from him heading down the corridor. 

=/\=

When he had finished cleaning up, he took his bag and turned off the lights in the house and walked down into their bedroom. He was still getting used to that idea but was growing to accept it more. He walked in finding her lying beneath the sheet in a white silk nightshirt, her hair spread against the pillow as she dozed. 

She looked so beautiful he wanted to remember this forever. Deciding not to disturb her, he put down his bag on the floor near her closet and began to change out of his uniform. 

Before joining her, he went into the bathroom to freshen up and wash his face. As he splashed the cool water on his face, his eye caught an empty clear disposable hypo vial on the floor near the bathtub. He turned off the water and dried his face with a towel, then leaned over picking up the clear empty cartridge and studied it reading the label. 

He glanced out towards her in the bed curious as to why she'd have a drug in the house. She wasn't on any medication, since he was counseling her for her depression. Now he really wanted to know what was going on, he wasn't going to take any excuses now. 

Closing his eyes, he calmed himself before going out to see her. He wanted to approach her with this right, the last thing he wanted her was to be upset over him finding out. When ready he turned holding it in his palm, turned out the light walking out and slipped into bed beside her. He propped himself up on his elbow staring at her, then leaned down kissing her awake. 

Kathryn sighed responding wrapping an arm around him pulling him closer. After a moment her eyes opened and she gazed up at him, "about time," she whispered. 

He smiled gently at her and stroked her jawline lightly, "I love you." 

"I love you," she replied. 

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?" he asked her again, wanting to give her another chance. 

She shook her head, "no, nothing's wrong Chakotay." 

He stared at her and kissed the tip of her nose tenderly, then held the vial in front of her gazing directly at her. "Then what's this for?" 

Kathryn's mouth fell slightly open seeing the empty painkiller vial in his hand. She felt her throat tighten and stared up at him not knowing what to tell him. She was sure she'd thrown them all out. She swallowed forcing herself to speak, he didn't look happy over this and demanded an answer. "I...used it to help...with my cramps -" 

"-Cramps?" he repeated calmly. "Since when have you needed strong painkillers for your cramps Kathryn? We carried this stuff on Voyager and you never used any of it." She didn't respond, she looked scared. He tried to remain calm, he sighed, "please talk to me Kathryn. We had an agreement -" 

She reached up cupping the side of his face, "-Chakotay I...just needed it this week -"

"-You've used it more than once?" he asked shocked. He sat up more locking her gaze with his. "Talk to me Kathryn, right now. I want to know why you needed this." 

He wouldn't let her get away without the truth, she knew she had to tell him. The thought of doing that made her eyes sting with oncoming tears. She whispered, "oh, Chakotay -I had-" 

He watched the tears form and knew immediately something wasn't right. His heart went out to her, he said gently, “what Kathryn?"

"I had -" she continued tearfully, "oh, Chakotay if you knew you'd probably wouldn't forgive me -" 

"Kathryn," he said lovingly taking her face in his hands drying her tears. "I love you so much and I want to know when you have something done. I'll never leave you," that made the tears flow more. He took her into his arms holding her gently. After several minutes he looked at her, "please, I want to help and I won't be angry with you." 

She wiped her face with a sigh and kissed his bare arm, "I -had this procedure done," she finally said softly. 

"What type of procedure?" he asked still gentle. 

Kathryn tried forcing the tears back so she could tell him. "It allowed me to..." she drew a breath trying to explain it the best way. “Bleed a little heavier and...some cramps, bad cramps were involved." 

He was confused, "why would you do that?" 

The tears slid down her face, she shuddered with a quiet whimper, "in case I was...pregnant." 

Chakotay blinked not responding at her last answer. He wasn't sure if he heard her correctly she said it so quietly, "pregnant?" She nodded, he blew out a loud sigh wondering what to say next. They only had made love for the first time last weekend and after he left she panicked about the possibility and had her body cleaned just in case. "What made you think you were pregnant Kathryn?" 

She sighed, "I haven't had a prevention booster in 13 years Chakotay. I figured there was a chance you hadn't had one in awhile yourself. I...didn't want to take the chance...I'm not ready to...take care," the tears started again. “Of...a baby," then added angrily, "you can obviously see that!" 

He took her in his arms as she cried softly wrapping her arms around him. He crooned gently to her stroking her hair and back gently. "Oh Kathryn I really wish you told me that's what was bothering you. So you went through all that pain on your own?" She nodded, he sighed, "oh love, I wish you told me. I would have been here immediately to be with you." 

That made her cry even more as she realized how deeply he loved her and that he wasn't angry with her. She wanted to be with him forever, being apart from him hurt too much. She needed to be the person she once was. Not this crying, broken and lost woman. 

"It's okay, my love," he whispered to her gently. "Everything's okay now."

Kathryn's tears began to calm, "I know now that you're here with me." She pulled back gazing at him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you Chakotay, but I was so scared with the idea -" 

He touched her mouth quieting her, "-I forgive you Kathryn. It's okay. I love you no matter what. When we're ready we'll have a child, when you're ready." 

"I love you," she whispered cupping the side of his face. He kissed her hand gently relieved now to know what the problem was. She reached up kissing him pulling him closer, he responded wrapping his arms around her. 

After a moment Chakotay pulled away looking at her, "never think you can't tell me anything Kathryn. Please tell me, okay?" 

She nodded, "I promise. I'll tell you everything. But I plan on getting a prevention booster every month now until I'm ready." 

"I'll do the same," he told her, she smiled softly. He did as well, "so what'd the doctor say? Are you okay now?" 

She nodded, "yes, I'm fine. And he says I'm okay for lovemaking this weekend. That's if you're not too tired?" 

He chuckled a little and shook his head, "oh no, I'm never too tired for that." He reached up beginning to unbutton the few buttons located on her nightshirt. "In fact, I don't plan on sleeping much. Do you?" 

She slid her hands up his arms gently keeping eye contact with him. She shook her head, her voice deep, "no, now I don't," he slid his hand inside the nightshirt cupping a breast feeling the bud harden against his palm. Her breath grew short, "I love you Chakotay -" 

He kissed her deeply, her mouth opening to his as their tongues meshed deeply. He lowered himself against her, her breast still in his hand. She moaned against his mouth, her legs began to maneuver the sheet away, he yanked it out of the way, the passion building. 

"I love you," he gasped kissing her face working down to her throat. He slid his hands down to the ends of the nightshirt pulling it over her hips. He found her panties and began to pull them down. He wanted her so much at this point it hurt. 

She helped him as he pulled them off and he slid between her legs kissing her passionately. She helped him remove his boxer's as he knelt before her. She reached up kissing his chest, stroking his back. He groaned as she caressed him, she wanted this as much as he did. The tenderness would come later, that she knew. 

He lowered himself to her kissing her again as he positioned himself at her womanhood. She wrapped her legs around his hips and cried out when he joined them deeply and firmly. They kept kissing as he began to move against her with steady even strokes. She arched her back to him clinging letting the passion control them. 

Kathryn felt only him. Chakotay. The man who had served beside her as her first officer for seven years in the Delta Quadrant. When she thought he was lost to her forever, he came back to her and began counseling her back to health. Their love was stronger now, deeper and passionate. He then rolled her over against him as she sat up pressing him deeper moving her hips downward. She groaned closing her eyes and he sat up helping her remove the nightshirt over her head as she tossed it to the floor. 

They kissed passionately again as they continued to rock in each other's arms. Her breath became sharper as the ache began to build deeper and her body shuddered deeply. She clung to him beginning to move her hips harder against his groaning, he held them guiding her as she tilted back her head, and he kissed her throat. She was so beautiful, he loved her so much. The passion consumed them now as he let her control it. Kathryn felt her body shudder deeper and more intense again. She groaned bringing the ache closer as it built, she began to move faster and began to gasp loudly. 

He cupped her breasts stroking them and keeping her buds tight. He groaned feeling his release nearing as well. She had buried her face in his neck and shoulder kissing it deeply groaning. He held her, a hand slid up her back and into her hair gently.

She began to feel her release and groaned, "Chak-otay!" She whimpered again, he took her face in his hands kissing her deeply, their tongues meshing. When her release came, her body shuddered violently and she cried out against his mouth embracing him tightly. As her body continued to shudder from the aftereffect, he rolled her over onto her back moving harder against her now. She cried out again clinging tightly as her body shuddered again. She ran her hands through his hair kissing his neck and shoulder, wrapping her legs higher around his waist. 

He began to move faster now against her and she began to scream his name. Chakotay groaned her name when he felt his release, his life spilling within her, warming her. He gasped collapsing against her, she held him gasping as well, their heartbeats slowing. After a moment he gazed at her kissing her gently, she responded. Then he looked at her again stroking the side of her face. "I love you Kathryn." 

"I love you," she whispered, "so much Chakotay." He kissed her gently again and rolled beside her pulling her against him. She curled beside him as he stroked her back gently. They lay quietly in each other's arms as he held her, "oh, I wanted to tell you something."

“What?” she asked softly beginning to draw imaginary shapes with her finger on his chest.

He shivered concentrating, "I've requested -" he reached down taking her hand stopping her. She gazed up at him with a small smile, he smiled at her as well. "As a belated birthday present to you I've requested the rest of the summer off." 

"That's about two and a half months!" she said propping herself up on his chest. 

He nodded running his hand up into her hair, "yes it is." 

“They'll grant your request?" 

He shrugged, "I don't see why not. My summer class ends in about three weeks, and then I'm all yours. Most professors take up temporary posts elsewhere or take a vacation themselves." 

"So, then what?" 

"I thought I'd stay here with you," he replied. "So we could spend some real time together. Perhaps travel to the other islands, stay in a hotel -" 

"-That sounds wonderful!" she said, her voice husky. "I hope it happens." 

"So do I," he said, knowing she needed this time with him. The reunion was due to take place at the end of the summer. Perhaps by then he'd have her ready to visit the mainland again. 

They stared at each other and he lifted his head kissing her gently. She responded as they wrapped their arms around each other. He rolled over against her pressing her into the mattress, she sighed holding him. 

He began to kiss slowly down her, she closed her eyes, "three more weeks -" she moaned. "I can't...wait!" 

"Neither can I," he said softly and kissed her again. They made tender love that night.

Early that next morning Chakotay woke up before Kathryn staring down at her as she slept beside him. The sheet barely covered her as she lie on her back, a hand held it somewhat against her and the other tucked behind her head on the pillow. She was a beautiful sight, he loved her so much. Although he was distressed somewhat to the fact that she had that procedure done and went through the process alone without telling him. He remembered talking to her earlier that week and saw how she seemed distracted and pale. He should have known then something was wrong, but he didn't and he felt guilty for that. From that point on he decided to learn her new nuances of hiding her feelings. He planned by the end of the summer to have the old Kathryn Janeway back. He was almost halfway there now. 

He reached out gently stroking the side of her face, tracing her eyebrow, then along her eye and slowly down to her chin. He thought she looked so beautiful at that point he had to touch her. She sighed softly and her eyes fluttered open, she stared up at him and smiled softly, "goodmorning." 

"Goodmorning," he said gently. 

She glanced around, "what time is it?" 

He smiled at her, "too early for that cockatoo," and she began to laugh softly. He did as well and she reached up wrapping her arms around him. He slid his arms around her lying against her kissing her neck and throat gently. After a moment he looked at her, "I love you so much.”

"I love you," she said softly reaching up tracing his tattoo and eyebrow. They stared at each other, she sighed, "to think two months ago I didn't ever want to see you again, but you persisted. I love you for doing that," he lowered his head kissing her tenderly, she responded drawing him closer. He slid over against her, pulling the sheet away from her as her arms wrapped around him. 

Chakotay pressed her into the mattress wanting her again, but wanting to make slow gentle love to her. He slid his hands alongside her caressing every part of her, she sighed arching her back to him, her legs wrapping around his hips. He began to kiss her face softly, and she held his head as he worked slowly down her, placing deep kisses on her throat and lower to cup and savor each breast. 

"You're so beautiful," he whispered lovingly. She moaned when he touched her womanhood gently beginning to caress. He touched and caressed her with such tenderness she wanted to cry as she was swept up into the emotions of it all. She cried out when he placed his mouth on her drawing her bud up against his tongue as it began to swell. She gripped the sheet arching her back in the pleasure a cry escaping her. He continued to drink and stroke her slowly and deliberately. 

"Chak-o-tay!" she breathed harshly. "You’re driving me -" her body shuddered deeply. "I want you...please..." the tears filled her eyes at the onslaught of the slow, gentle pleasure that was surging through her. 

His need for her slowly grew as he continued to taste her, her body opened to him like a spring flower becoming hot and inviting. Her scent surrounded him, he drew her hips closer, his tongue darting deeper within her hot core. She cried out again as her body violently shook and she began to cry. "Relax Kathryn -" he said gently. "Let me -I love you." 

She arched her back to him pressing him deeper as the tears flowed quietly. "I...love you," she whimpered and felt the ache built more, it was stronger and tighter. He continued to drink from her, his hands caressing her thighs and hips as they moved to him. Then he pulled away and rolled her over onto her stomach, she felt him begin to kiss slowly down her from the nape of her neck to the valley between her backside and waist. She gripped the pillow moaning as he moved lower, her legs opened for him again and she groaned when he slid two fingers within her beginning to stroke her gently. She felt him lie alongside her kissing the back of her neck and shoulders, her body shuddered again as her muscles began to clench him now. 

He then moved between her legs pressing himself against her, positioning himself at her womanhood. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her ear and she groaned when he slowly joined them deeply from behind. Kathryn's body shuddered again deeply as he began to move against her, she whimpered her breath coming out in short gasps. 

She reached out gripping the pillows moaning, he placed his hands on hers as they clenched them. She began to curl her body against his urging him deeper now, the pleasure surging through her. The friction of his body moving against hers like this was making the need for him even more intense. 

He buried his face in her neck and hair, his hands sliding up and cupping her breasts stroking the buds keeping her aroused. She moaned again, he felt her muscles begin to clench him more and he began to only move faster, "oh Kathryn," he groaned softly. He was nearing his release as well, but he wanted to see her face. So then he left her, she gasped and he rolled her over onto her back sliding between her legs again and joined them again. She groaned, he kissed her deeply and gently. Her legs slid higher around his waist urging him deeper. 

Kathryn clung tightly to him still crying in the tenderness he was giving her, their lovemaking had never been this beautiful yet. She thought if she were ready to conceive, this would be the time she'd want to become pregnant. She could only hope they'd make love like this more in the future. 

Chakotay began to move deeper now as he held her, she cried out his name, "I love you!" she whimpered, her body shuddered again as the ache built becoming tighter and sweeter. 

"I love you," he said gently and gazed at her taking her hands raising them above her head. She held them as he began to move deeper and faster, she closed her eyes to the pleasure, "look at me Kathryn, I want to see you come -" she opened them again, her blue eyes staring into his dark ones. He began to increase the strokes and she cried out again arching her back. Her muscles then clenched him tightly and she screamed feeling the ache burst and spread throughout her. He lowered his head kissing her gently as she groaned holding his face in her hands. He felt his release as he groaned, his life spilling into her. 

After a moment he embraced her gently as she held him kissing his neck sighing. Then he lay beside her pulling her against him holding her hand. "That was so beautiful," she whispered. 

"You’re beautiful," he told her gently. She smiled reaching up and cupped the side of his face. He kissed her hand gently. He ran his hand down her bare back gently caressing her softly. 

She laid her head against his shoulder and he kissed her temple as she closed her eyes. They lay quietly for a few minutes when he said, "are you hungry?" 

She sighed, "hmmm...a little. But I can wait." She kissed his chest, "I kinda prefer this right now." 

He smiled, "so do I. But first," he pulled away to retrieve the tangled sheet at the end of her bed. While doing so he asked, "I was curious Kathryn, why'd you pick such a huge bed?" 

She shrugged, "I guess I wanted room to stretch out," he glanced over at her as he pulled it back with him. She lay on her side, legs bent and propped up on her elbow, and her hair surrounded her. "Or perhaps," she asked husky, "I was waiting for you." 

He then lay beside her again pulling the sheet over them and she sank into his arms. "I'd like to think it was the latter," he said holding her.

"So would I," she said softly. 

=/\=

Much later that day after they roused and had a light lunch and dressed. She took his hand and led him outside to the beach. "I want to show you something," she said smiling. 

He was curious, “what?" 

"It's a surprise," she replied. 

"You’re giving me a surprise?" he asked shocked following her to the other side of the house towards the patch of woods that lay off to the northwestern side. "I thought I was supposed to be the one who did this?" 

She shrugged her shoulders, "I thought I'd give it a shot for a change." 

He grinned walking up to her, "sounds good to me," he slid his arms around her waist pulling her up against him. They stared at each other, "you’re so beautiful Kathryn," he whispered touching her face. 

She smiled up at him, her eyes filled with the love she felt for him. "I love hearing you tell me that," she said. He leaned down and kissed her gently, she responded wrapping her arms around him. After a moment, she pulled away, "now, come on, don't distract me," she took his hand leading him into the forest. 

Chakotay, who was in tune with nature looked around him in wonder of the beauty surrounding them. She led him deeper among the towering palm trees, evergreens and flowering trees. He heard exotic birds around them and the lull of the shore behind them

"My type of place," he commented. 

She laughed, "I thought you'd say that." He had stopped gazing at a white flower attached to a low bush, its white wide petals and flesh-toned feelers. The petals had tiny speckled brown spots on them. She pulled at his hand, “Chakotay come on -" 

"Wait," he said, she stepped up beside him. "what type of flower is that?" 

She studied it, "I don't know, it's a flower." He glanced over at her smiling, "I'm not a professional botanist Chakotay. I'm still learning what type of flora is on these islands." 

"Well," he said reaching down to it and gently breaking the stem. "I think you'll look even more beautiful," he straightened facing her with it, then pulled back one side of her hair tucking it behind her ear. "Wearing it," he arranged her hair gently around it. “Now your one with nature, my love." 

Kathryn cupped the side of his face and then reached down taking his hand, "come on, it's not too far." He let her lead him down another hundred feet or so where they emerged into a small clearing with a large pond and small waterfall. The pond had various rock formations surrounding it with more flowers and ferns. The water was clear as it cascaded down some rocks into the blue pool, he sighed in awe. She turned glancing at him, "do you like it?" 

"It's beautiful," he replied and looked at her. "You have your own waterfall?" 

She nodded, "yes." He looked at her, she sighed, "I discovered this by chance almost five years ago while looking for flower trees to transplant into the garden. I actually found it peaceful and didn't disturb any of it. In fact, I came here now and then when I couldn't get you off my mind," a tear formed in her eye. Her voice shook, "it sort of made me feel closer to you." 

He pulled her into his arms, "I always hoped I'd be able to show it to you, but I never thought I would." 

He stared down at her with a gentle smile stroking her tears away, "I'm happy you did." 

He kissed her deeply drawing her up against him, inspired by the nature and the beauty of it all around him. 

Kathryn responded sliding her hands up his sides, her tears calming. She felt her body begin to warm. After a moment, she took his face in her hands, "Chakotay...I want to so much...to be able to become...who I once was." 

"You will Kathryn," he said gently, "all in due time." He felt her slide her hands down his back towards his backside. They stared at each other, the passion being felt as it built between them. He glanced around and saw a rock formation with a flat surface. He led her over to it sitting down sliding his hands beneath the skirt of her sundress stroking her. She sighed feeling her body shiver as she placed her hands on his shoulders, her gaze never leaving his. His hands found her panties and began to pull them down, she groaned as his fingers stroked her soft curls. He felt her become moist as he did and his pulse quickened, he felt himself become hard against his trousers. 

Kathryn let him pull her panties down as she stepped out of them. She then straddled him kissing him passionately pressing her hips down against his, urging against him. He held her hips and began to kiss her face, she wrapped her arms around his neck, her need for him growing more intense. She tilted back her head as he kissed her throat and then she gazed at him kissing him again. 

He couldn't wait anymore, his need for her was so great he'd thought he'd burst in the passion. As they continued to kiss, he slid his hand down releasing himself from his trousers, his hand feeling how hot she had become. She felt him and adjusted herself as he guided her down onto him. They groaned in the passion and pleasure as she moved her hips against his, pressing him deeper into her. 

Making love fully clothed in the realm of nature surrounding them was incredible for both. Their breath grew short as she clung to him tightly moving her hips harder against his as he held her hips guiding her against him. He groaned as his release began to build in the passion, their tongues meshing deeply. 

Kathryn felt the ache building deeply as her body shuddered, she then buried her face in his shoulder groaning as he lifted her closer and deeper. He ran his hands up into her hair, gripping it gently. She began to move faster against him drawing their release closer. 

He groaned, "Kathryn -" 

She gasped, "-I love you so much!" He pulled her head up and kissed her passionately. She responded moving harder now beginning to moan loudly. He groaned as well, their tongues meshing again. Suddenly she felt her body shudder violently as her release came and she groaned against his mouth gasping. He felt his release as well when her muscles clenched him tightly and groaned pulling her body tighter against him embracing her. 

They sat there gasping holding each other as their heartbeats began to slow. She kissed his neck as he buried his face in her hair closing his eyes. This had to be one of the most exotic locations he'd ever made love with a woman, especially a woman he was so deeply in love with. 

He sighed finally saying with some amusement, "imagine doing this in the ready room?" 

Kathryn laughed, her voice deep with the passion still, "oh, now that would have been something." She looked at him, they stared at each other. "Oh Chakotay, I must have hurt you so much.” 

He reached up putting his finger to her mouth quieting her, "no Kathryn, you didn't do anything like that. I knew why you were keeping our relationship the way it was and I accepted it." 

She nodded, but not bringing up Seven, knowing well that's who he to turned at the end of their journey and she lost him, which led her to her isolation and depression. "You're here with me now, that's all that matters." 

"Yes, it is," he agreed and kissed her gently. After a moment gazed at her, "now that you've revealed this spot, how about we go for a swim?" 

She smiled with a nod, "I think that's a wonderful idea," she slowly stood feeling him leave her body. While he fixed himself, she pulled on her panties and then they headed back to the house with an arm wrapped around each other's waist. 

=/\= 

The rest of the weekend, they spent swimming, making love sometimes in the surf as the water washed over them and going out to dinner that evening. When he left to return to the mainland, she was smiling showing no tears. The fact that he'd be with her for the rest of the summer within another two weeks made her happy and excited. 

As the next two weeks drew to a close, Chakotay prepared his classroom for the new semester due to start in the fall. He also looked for an engagement ring to give to her when he felt she was ready to return. In his search of the perfect ring, he found a gold heart pendent that had two flowers, which formed the heart and tiny diamond located in the bottom. He planned to give it to her the night he arrived. 

He also packed a larger duffel bag with extra clothes, his garment bag with a suit and rearranged his portrait wall, putting the ones taken of him and Seven now in a photo album. He planned to bring Kathryn back with him when the summer was over, even if it was for a short time. Seven remained in his heart, but he didn't want to display his dead wife to Kathryn who'd most likely stay with him. He had a feeling she was still hurt over his marriage to Seven, despite how well their relationship had progressed. He didn't want her having a relapse of any sort while on the mainland because he feared she'd leave and never come back. 

The next two weekends they spent also working in her garden, and she appeared at times to be in thought about something, but he didn't push her about it. He knew she'd begin to talk about it when ready. 

Before leaving, he went to Starfleet Medical to have his prevention booster administered. He asked them to adjust it to last at least two months, they did. 

=/\= 

A few hours before Chakotay was to arrive, Kathryn had taken a scented bath, dressed into a white cotton dress and began to prepare a light dinner. She was making the salad when she heard: 

"Nice place Kathy!" 

Kathryn glanced up recognizing the voice, her eyes widened in shock, "Q?" 

He stood up, he was dressed in a loud Hawaiian shirt and white pants with a flower lei around his neck. He chuckled, "the one and only." 

She slowly walked around the counter still in shock at seeing the omnipotent being after so many years. They had become friendly after his last visit on Voyager when he brought his son, Q, to her in attempt to learn to control his wild ways. He had helped them home by a few hundred light years, but it wasn't enough. Although the gesture was appreciated. When Voyager did return, he was one person she never expected to see again. And here he was standing in her house wearing a very loud shirt. 

"What are you doing here?" she asked, still in shock. 

"Can't I visit an old friend?" he asked innocently. She folded her arms across her chest with a smirk waiting. He sighed, his face softened, "I came to see how you were doing."

"Why?” she asked in wonder.

"Kathy,” he said, "it's obvious you haven’t been yourself since bringing your crew home. I mean, I expected to find you in space again or something not too long afterwards. But here you are...on an exotic island in the middle of a very large pond and alone in a very nice house." He looked directly at her, "why are you alone like this - ?" 

“-I don't think that's any of your business," she said firmly.

He walked over to her making her look at him, "can't I express concern for one of my dearest and closest friends?" She sighed, "come on, tell me. Perhaps I can help." 

"When did you get a psychology degree?" she asked him. 

"I've become pretty good at this," he said. That's when he saw the two place settings at the dinner table. "Wait, your not really alone are you?" she glanced at him, "who is it? Or shall I ask, who is he?" 

"Q!" she said still confused at his visit. "I have nothing you want. I can't do anything to help you. I'm no longer in Starfleet -" to her embarrassment a sob escaped her throat. She put her hand to her mouth trying to stem the tears, his visit was unexpected, but it didn't make her any happier. She wished Chakotay would arrive soon so she could be held at this moment. 

Q stared at her shocked seeing a woman he didn't know. This wasn't Voyager's captain, but a broken woman who was lost. He saw her eyes grow moist, “Kathy, don't cry its okay -" he said gently. She shook her head, "what's happened to you?" 

"I thought you knew," she said keeping her voice firm. "You claimed -" he stared at her, concern seen on his face. "I'm not the person you once knew, although I'm trying to find her again." She sighed, "a lot has happened in the past six years Q." 

"Is he helping you?" Q asked her indicating to the extra table setting. 

She sighed with a nod, "yes he is. It’s been helping, but it's just taking time." 

"That's good," he said, he studied her. "You do look wonderful however. You’re even more beautiful now then when I last saw you." 

"Thank you," she said softly. "Sometimes I actually feel like it." 

He walked around the living area, he saw the picture of the staff from Voyager and a new one. He looked over at her, "you and Chuckles?" She groaned, he saw the picture taken of them while shopping in the open market last weekend. Chakotay had his arms wrapped around her waist while resting his head on her shoulder as they laughed into the camera. "I knew there was something between you two!" 

"Q!" she snapped, annoyed he was getting this personal. 

He stared at it, and then sighed, "you know what? I think you two look good together, although Chuckles here has some gray hair."

"Are you finished?" she asked him. "If you haven't noticed I've got company coming -" 

“-Oh can't I say hello to the big oaf?" 

"No," she said simply, "you can't. And don't call him an oaf, he's helped me a lot these past three months." 

"I'm sorry," he said. "What's his name again?" 

"Chakotay," she replied. 

"Fine," he said walking over, "well, since you obviously have a romantic evening planned I'll leave. But, this table needs a little help," he snapped his fingers and an elaborate setting replaced her small elegant one. 

"Do you mind?" she asked. "Change it back please." 

"Oh, it's so nice!" 

"Q," she said warning him. He sighed, snapped his fingers and then changed it back to what she had. "Goodbye," he leaned over to kiss her. She held her hand up, "don't even think about it." 

"Sorry," he said, "I can't make Chakotay jealous." 

"I don't think," she said simply, "he would be." Q sighed, waved and snapped his fingers disappearing. She stood there shaking her head in disbelief and returned to the kitchen to finish the salad. 

=/\= 

When Chakotay arrived for his extended stay he found her sitting on the deck with a book. He had changed out of his uniform and dressed into an open necked white cotton shirt, black trousers and shoes. 

"Hello there," he said smiling stepped up with his bags.

She stood up smiling "hello," and he put the bags down. She then wrapped her arms around him as he pulled her against him. "I'm so glad you're here." 

"So am I," he said and kissed her gently, she pulled him closer making the kiss deeper. He groaned wrapping her tighter against him, after a moment he looked at her. "I guess that was a kiss for these past four days?" 

She nodded playing with the collar of his shirt, "yes and how much I’ve missed you. Two months and two weeks," she purred, "I have you all to myself." 

"You sure do," he smiled, happy to see her in this mood. Although he saw something in her face that he knew was different, despite her smile. "Well, let me put my clothes away. Would you like to take a walk?" 

She nodded, "I'd like that,” he touched her face, picked up his bags and walked into the house. 

Less than an hour later they were walking down the beach with an arm around each other's waist. He noticed she was being quiet, something was on her mind. "Kathryn would you like to talk about it?" 

She smiled softly, brushing her hair out of her face as the wind blew it around. “You know me so well Chakotay,” she said quietly. She paused in thought, "I've been thinking about Rudy Ransom lately." 

"I see," he said softly. 

"I mean, what I did," she said, "what he did -I was so blind-sided by getting revenge for what he did." She began to clench her hand, "and I relieved you of duty!" She added angrily, and then groaned, "you were so right. I should have listened to you." 

The Equinox incident was still a sore spot between them, but he was happy she wanted to talk about it. He sighed, "you had a right to be angry Kathryn. He went against everything Starfleet stands for to get home." He paused, "as for relieving me? I have to admit I was a little angry with you. During those final battles I was in my quarters unable to help you. I worried about you constantly, hoping you weren't injured or killed during that time. When you called me back to the bridge -I wondered where we stood." 

"So did I," she said. "My head stopped spinning and I realized what I did to you." She stopped looking at him, her voice trembled, "I’m sorry Chakotay, and you should have relieved me." 

He turned her to him, "no Kathryn, I shouldn't have." She glanced up at him, "we were under constant stress during that time. Both of us were worried if the crew would survive those attacks. The best thing about your command was the ability to think on your feet. You made decisions with such incredible speed, sometimes it just...amazed me. I questioned you when you got too impulsive, but in the end it all turned out." 

"It did with a price," she said, "it cost almost my sanity, your friendship -" 

"-You never lost that," he said. 

Her eyes grew moist, "but we grew apart Chakotay for so long after that." She wiped a tear, "we stopped...doing things together. Our dinners, time on the holodeck and then -" 

"-I fixed it," he said gently. "I got you to go to lunch with me. We were fine after that." 

"Thank you," she whispered and he smiled gently at her. He reached out touching her face and she kissed his hand, a tear fell onto it. 

Chakotay then pulled her into his arms and she began to cry softly over the Equinox and its consequences. 

After a dinner that consisted of trout and rice, they lay in bed after tender lovemaking in each other's arms. Her tears over the Equinox earlier had lifted another major hurdle in her recovery and she now seemed calmer. 

He pulled her closer as she curled beside him as they listened to the waves washing up on the shore. She sighed, "I got a visitor today." 

"Really?" he asked curious, knowing that was rare for her. "Who?" 

"You won't believe it," she replied and glanced up at him. "Q -" 

He sat up some in shock, "'Q'?" she nodded, "what did he want?" 

"To see how I was doing," she replied, he stared at her as she sat up pulling the sheet around her. "And, he found out about you -" 

Chakotay remembered Q's response regarding his affection for Kathryn over 10 years before. He was jealous that Q wanted to mate with her, but he also found the omnipotent being nothing more than an annoyance. He sighed, “what’d he say?" 

She shrugged, "he claimed he knew all along there was something between us." He grinned, "and that we looked good together."

"Well," he said, "I'm happy to know we've got his blessing." Then he remembered the pendent, he turned and slipped off the bed. 

Kathryn watched him, "where are you going?" He was over at his duffel bag digging through it. She studied his naked form in the moonlight feeling her body grow warm at how beautiful he was. "Chakotay -" 

He pulled out the box, opened it, "I'll be right there." He held the delicate chain, "close your eyes Kathryn -" 

"-Why?" 

"Appease me," he asked her glancing over at her she knelt with the sheet wrapped slightly around her. She did and he walked back over and sat in front of her then opened the clasp on the chain and reattached it around her neck. The heart shined against the deep tan of her throat. "Open your eyes," she did glancing around. He reached down holding up the heart, she gasped in surprise. "For you, my love. A promise." 

"It's beautiful!" she whispered studying it. She kissed him deeply holding his face in her hands. He responded wrapping his arms around her and lowered her back to the bed. She stared up at him, "I love you." 

"I love you," he said and kissed her again. They made love again that night. 

The next several weeks Kathryn's opinions of what she did regarding her decisions with the Kazon, Hirogen and even the first encounter with the Borg came up. 

He let her talk, cry and he reasoned with her. She paced while she talked, sometimes she even yelled at him. In the end, he always held her as soon as the tears came when he told her what she did was right with the situation they were stuck in. 

Chakotay slowly watched the old Kathryn return and stay as the weeks went on. Well, not entirely the old, but her personality and her attitude. At night they made love under the stars next to a fire he made or went to dinner at a nearby restaurant. Her seductive side was showing even more when she purchased a two piece red bathing suit. 

He loved her in it because it showed off her figure beautifully. He also was so turned on by it, he wanted to get her out of it. But he behaved himself as they lay on the beach side by side, and he also protected his towel since each time she attempted to take it. Right now they held hands as they dozed beneath the hot sun. 

Kathryn moaned and sat up arching her back as he watched her, "the sun is hot today!" 

"Feel like another swim?" 

She glanced at him with a smirk, "perhaps," he smiled at her. She then began to stand, “sure, let’s go.”

He nodded standing up and saw her towel lying on the blanket. Deciding to turn the tables, he quickly reached down and grabbed it. "You left it unguarded -"

Kathryn took a moment to see what he was doing, then she groaned, "Chakotay!" she walked over to him, "give it to me -" 

He shook his head, "-no." She raised her eyebrow, "see how you like it -"

"-You think your funny don't you?" she asked looking up at him with her hands on her hips. "Give it back," and reached for it, he pulled it out of her way and over his head. Now she was getting frustrated, "I promised I wouldn't take yours again -"

"-Sure and you still did," he said, "two more times. See how you like it!" He continued to pull it away from her, by giving it to her partially, then yanking it out of her hands again. He played the cat and mouse game with her for several minutes letting her lunge for it, then gain some more latitude by letting her catch her breath. Her skin became flushed as she became more flustered. The last time, he allowed her to get a good hold on it, then sweeped her up into his arms. 

"That’s not fair!" she said angrily. "Put me down Chakotay!" 

He shrugged, "okay," and walked them into the water, she gasped realizing what he was doing and began to squirm in attempt to escape. But he held her tighter and tossed her into the cool water just as a wave tumbled over them. 

Kathryn emerged sputtering and angry, "Chakotay!" He grinned at her, trying not to laugh. She saw it, “oh, you really think this is funny!" 

He sighed, "yes, in fact I do!" She looked beautiful with the water running down her and her hair plastered against her head. She began to advance towards him since they were only knee deep, more like waist for her. "Oh, come on Kathryn, you said you wanted to swim -" 

"-Yes, but not get thrown in!" she said pushing the hair out of her face. 

He shrugged, "sorry, I thought you needed cooling off," she smirked at him, "and besides, I think you look gorgeous right now." 

"Trying to get on my good side?" she asked simply.

He thought for a moment, "yes," he stared at her. "Is it working?" 

She stared at him, discovering how beautiful he looked standing before her wearing white swim briefs and his own skin now a deeper tan because of the sun. His dark hair and eyes stood out nevertheless and she could feel herself grow hungry for him. He was well built, always was and that's one thing she admired on him, and showed him practically each night for the past month. 

"Well," she said slowly walking up to him, being sure to sway her hips slightly, she saw him swallow and a seductive smile formed. "You could be." 

"Could?" he repeated, but enjoying the new game. She nodded and then he lunged for her, she gasped as he grabbed her by the waist lifting her up.

"That's not fair!" she said angrily. She squirmed in his arms, but he held her tighter carrying her out of the water. She groaned, "Chakotay let me go!" 

"Remember what happened," he asked, "that last time you said that?" She still didn't stop fighting, he was impressed with her resistance. Her petite structure was strong and she was capable of putting up a good fight. She managed to latch a foot onto his just as they reached the blanket, he tumbled down holding her. She started to pull away, but he managed to drag her back by her foot. 

Kathryn groaned, "feeling playful are we?" 

"Oh yes," he replied with a slight chuckle. He got a good hold and dragged her over flipping her onto her back. Kathryn grunted beneath him as he knelt on all fours pinning her down. She stared up at him, the desire seen in both their eyes. He sighed, "oh, I love you -" 

"-I love you to," she breathed, he smiled and lowered himself down onto her kissing her deeply and passionately. She responded wrapping her arms around him as their tongues meshed. She felt how hard he had become through his swim briefs and looked at him with a lopsided grin, "well, captain, is that a phaser in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" 

Chakotay stared at her as her joke sunk in. He began to laugh, loving her even more. He shook his head, "oh, my love, I'm very happy to see you." 

She lifted her hips up against his, he moaned, "then," she whispered kissing his throat. “Show me.”

He smirked, "oh, I intend to," and kissed her deeply again. She responded and they made passionate love beneath the sun on the beach. 

=/\=

That evening Kathryn groaned sinking into the cool water of her bathtub with a slight sunburn to her back. She sighed settling into the water, letting the coolness coat her as she surrounded herself in the soap bubbles. Chakotay was in the kitchen making them dinner, which she could smell. She picked up her sponge squeezing the water down her throat closing her eyes remembering the afternoon. 

Oh, the sunburn was worth it! She told herself. 

She hadn’t felt like herself since before the admiral showed up and she found out about Chakotay and Seven. Thanks to him returning to her and counseling her back, especially after this month, returning to the mainland now didn't seem so scary. She loved this island and her house, but perhaps visiting San Francisco now would be an option she could consider. She had changed since they returned home, but for the better. When he located her, it wasn't. His love and understanding helped her come to terms with her past command decisions, which made her love him even more. 

"Kathryn?" 

She opened her eyes seeing him standing in the doorway dressed in a tan pullover linen shirt and matching trousers. She smiled softly, "yes Chakotay?"

"Are you getting out?" he asked her. "Dinner will get cold." 

She sighed, "how long have I been here?" 

He smiled gently at her, "you always managed to loose track of time in a bathtub. It's been almost an hour -" she smirked. "Coming?" 

"Help me," she asked, he nodded walking over gabbing her bathrobe at the same time. Then he extended his hand, she took it and he pulled her to her feet, she winced. 

"Problem?" he asked her amused draping her robe over her shoulders. 

She glanced at him, "no, just a minor sunburn. Show's what happens when you make love without sunscreen." He grinned, "don't you dare laugh -" 

"Sorry," he said kissing her gently. "Do you have a dermal regenerator?" 

"There," she indicated with her head to the cabinet above the sink. 

"Come on," he said lifting her out and onto the bathmat. She wrapped the robe around her as he walked over and took it out. She sat down on the commode lowering the back, he stared for a second. "That's a burn alright -" 

"-I'm happy you agree," she said sarcastically. 

"And the most beautiful back," he added, "that I've ever seen." He was now gently running the regenerator over the singed skin between her shoulder blades. 

"Flattery will get you nowhere," she said. 

"Gee," he smiled, "it's nice to hear you say that again." 

She glanced over her shoulder at him with a soft smile, "it's nice to be able to." 

Chakotay leaned over and placed a tender kiss on her bare shoulder turning off the regenerator. "I've missed that part of you." 

"I think she's back," Kathryn said smiling. 

"I'm so happy to hear that," he said gently. He sighed, "well, you’re done. Come on so we could eat." 

"I'll be right there," she replied, he stood up and walked out. She stood up, dried off and pulled on a silk pink nightgown with thin straps over her head and the matching robe around her. She brushed her hair out and walked out to the dining room. 

Kathryn was now more at peace with herself that she had been in a long time. She knew she was coming out of her depression, she didn't feel so lost anymore, most likely to Chakotay who had shown her the way home. 

One evening several days later they sat on the deck finishing dinner and watching the sunset when he said, "it'll be seven years at the end of this month." 

She glanced over at him, "I know." 

Chakotay knew she was just about back to her old self, except now she was more relaxed, happy and they were in love. She hadn't hid within herself in weeks. When they made love, she gave her entire heart and soul to him. She was ready, he felt it. He reached out taking her hand, she grasped his, "the reunion is scheduled to take place then.” 

"Where?" 

"Some hotel ballroom," he replied, "located in downtown San Francisco." 

"Sounds like it could be nice," she said stroking his hand. He nodded, "if you plan on going, do you need a date?" 

He looked at her, "you'll go?" 

She nodded, "with you, yes." He smiled lovingly at her. "I love you." 

"I love you," he said. 

That evening their lovemaking was even more sweeter and better than ever before. 

The next evening they went out to dinner and dancing at their favorite restaurant. When they returned later on, the moonlight seemed brighter as it cast a romantic glow across the water as the surf glowed while washing up on the shore. The beach was white and looked like spun sugar. She wanted to take a walk, he agreed it was a good idea. Soon as she removed her shoes, they headed down the beach hand in hand. 

He thought she looked beautiful in the ivory dress suit she wore and with her hair pulled behind her in a white bow clip. She never took the pendant off after he gave it to her. 

"You’re quiet tonight," she said glancing over at him curious. 

"Just thinking," he replied softly. 

"What about?" 

"About..." he said pausing. He stopped her and turned her to him taking her hands. He stared down at her, the moonlight cast a beautiful glow against her suit. He couldn't say anything, he then reached into his jacket pocket pulling out the ring. "This." 

Kathryn's eyes wandered down to the gold diamond ring he held in between two fingers in front of her. Her eyes misted as she realized what he was trying to ask her. She whispered, "Chakotay -" 

He took her hands pulling her up against him, "I love you Kathryn. I've loved you since the day we met on the bridge. And these past few months have been so wonderful and more perfect than I've ever imagined." Tears slid down her face, "will you marry me?" 

Kathryn began to cry, always wanting to hear him ask her this. He took her face in his hands holding the ring as well and kissed her gently. She responded and looked at him, "I love you to. And yes, I will marry you Chakotay." 

He embraced her as she sobbed happily in his arms. He kissed her neck while stroking her back and when she calmed he looked at her taking her hand and slipped the ring onto her left middle finger. She kissed him again as he responded, they held each other as the waves washed up onto the beach near their feet. 

=/\=

A couple of hours later they lay in bed in each other's arms after making love happy. She curled against him kissing his chest gently as he stroked her hair and back, then she placed her head on his shoulder holding her hand out. He took it gently, "when should we get married?" he asked her. 

"As soon as possible," she replied softly glancing up at him. "I think we'll start looking for a place for the ceremony here on the island where all our friends can stay." 

He nodded, "I think it's a wonderful idea." 

"Two weeks from today," she said. 

He then rolled over against her staring down at her, "deal," and kissed her deeply. She responded holding him as their tongues meshed gently, he began to kiss her face gently and whispered, "in two weeks you'll be my wife -" 

She nodded, "I can't wait." and groaned as his hand slid up cupping a breast. She arched her back to him as he lowered his head down taking a bud in his mouth beginning to savor it gently. She sighed running her hands through his hair, her diamond glistening in the soft dark strands. He kissed her again deeply and she arched her back into his arms whispering, "make love to me again." 

"Of course," he whispered kissing her face. "I have every intention of doing so," and they kissed deeply again washing away on their passion and love for each other. 

Within the next two days, Kathryn and Chakotay found a small elegant resort in Wailua that used a variation of hotel rooms and bungalows to accommodate guests. There was a small ballroom with a glass ceiling that you could see the palm trees over head, deep blue sky and to give the feeling of being outdoors. 

While talking with the wedding coordinator that next day, they planned a beachside ceremony overlooking the ocean. The small reception in the ballroom for the entire crew of 145 or so, depending on those who could make it, plus friends and family. They also had the cake arranged and a live band. And, they secured rooms at the resort for themselves, the senior staff and family. The other rooms at a nearby hotel for the rest. 

During all this, Kathryn shopped for a dress and Chakotay called Tom while Kathryn was out shopping. 

Tom was happy to hear from him, since he was home taking care of the kids while B'Elanna was at work at Starfleet Propulsion. "Great to hear from you," he said smiling. "Miral is over at a friends and I finally got Joseph to take a nap. What's up?" 

Chakotay smiled as he leaned back in Kathryn's office chair, "well, lots. What are you and B'Elanna doing two week's from this Saturday?" 

Tom shrugged, "I don't know, why?" 

"Want to go to a wedding?" he asked. 

Tom looked confused as he thought, "'wedding?" And then the realization hit, he sat forward. "Chakotay are you and the captain -?" Chakotay nodded, he beamed. "Oh my god! Chakotay congratulations!" 

"Thanks," he said smiling, "I never thought we'd get this far -" 

"-This is going to make me wish I had," Tom said, "a betting pool still going!" Chakotay chuckled, "so, she's recovered?" 

"Oh, you have no idea," he replied. "Tom she's her old self, but better. She's come to terms with past command decisions, everything. She's happy, really happy." 

"That's so good to hear," Tom said. "Where is she now? Can I talk to her?" 

"Shopping," he replied. "I presume for a wedding dress and other items."

"Well," Tom said, "we'll be there, you can count on it." 

Chakotay nodded, "we can't wait to see you. If everyone from the senior staff is available we'll be having a celebration dinner the night before the ceremony. And Tom, would you like to be my best man?" 

Tom didn’t respond, and then said, "I'd be honored to stand next to you Chakotay." 

"I think Kathryn," he said, "intends to ask B'Elanna. I've sent you all the information regarding the ceremony and details. I've also sent out invitations to the rest of the crew. I know its short notice and we don't expect everyone to show, but we wanted to be sure they weren't forgotten." 

"Did you invite Reg?" 

"Yes," Chakotay said, "Kathryn wants him and your father there." 

Tom nodded, "that's good. What do we wear?" 

"It's semi-formal," Chakotay replied. "So, a nice pair of pants, shirt and dress jacket. The reception will be a luau of sorts." 

"My type of party," Tom quipped. 

Shortly later they said goodbye and promised to see each other in two weeks. 

=/\=

That evening when B'Elanna came home, Miral and young Joe greeted her as Tom got dinner ready. She hugged her children happily, "go wash your hands. I smell dinner." 

"Yes, mom," they said moving off to the bathroom. 

B'Elanna walked through the living area and into the kitchen. She smiled watching him put dinner on the table, "no hello kiss?" 

"Hey!" Tom said happily. "I'm sorry, but I've been busy." He walked over to her kissing her deeply, she responded seeing his excitement. "Oh, I've found someone to watch the kids you know Lieutenant Omar and her husband next door?" 

B'Elanna was confused, "wait. What are you talking about? Why do we need the Omar's to watch the kids?" 

"Oh, their getting married," Tom replied smiling. 

"Who?" 

"The captain and Chakotay," he said grinning wider. 

B'Elanna let that sink in, "what? Did you say the captain and Chakotay?" He nodded, she sighed, "wow! She actually let him in the door? After what he did to her?" 

He nodded, "it took a few tries, but he got in. She was a mess B'El and he counseled her back apparently." He placed a basket of warm bread on the table. "In fact, from what he tells me, she's a new and improved Kathryn Janeway." 

"Amazing," B'Elanna said awed. "Where's the wedding?" 

"At the Renaissance Sands Resort in Wailua," he replied. "They're having a beachside ceremony, the works. It's going to be a blast," and he walked over to her slipping his arms around her waist. "The perfect place for a second honeymoon." 

B'Elanna smiled wrapping her arms around him, "sounds like a plan I can live with." He smiled and kissed her again. 

A moment later they heard, "oh, don't look Joe. They're at it again." 

Tom and B'Elanna stopped glancing down at their six-year-old daughter and four-year old son. They laughed, pulled apart and proceeded to have dinner. 

=/\= 

Much later that evening Kathryn sat on the bed cross-legged reading a padd on Hawaiian wedding customs and the details to hers. She watched Chakotay hanging up his freshly laundered clothes in his half of the closet. He wore just his pajama bottoms as she admired the strength in his back and shoulders. She was happy, very happy. The next two weeks would be a flurry of excitement and she hoped, lovemaking. But, she didn’t underestimate that part, Chakotay was more than happy to oblige her when in the mood. And she's been in the mood a lot... 

After dinner she had talked to B'Elanna who congratulated her and agreed to stand beside her. Since the invitations had been sent, her communit was buzzing constantly from replies of who could make it or expressed their disappointment because they were unable due to deep space assignments or other obligations. So far the Doctor, Harry and Tuvok had contacted them saying they'd be there. Harry had just been promoted to lieutenant commander and was due to leave on a deep space assignment as first officer with the U.S.S. Arizona within the next three weeks. He was happy to be able to attend. 

She put down the padd still watching him, he must have noticed because he turned around smiling, "penny for your thoughts?" he asked. 

Kathryn shrugged, "just...realizing how happy I am." He smiled gently at her walking over to her. She wore the white nightshirt again, she knelt on the bed as he pulled her into his arms. She slid her hands up his chest purring, "you make me very happy Chakotay. Our wedding is going to be so wonderful." 

He nodded, "yes, it will." He kissed her gently, she responded putting the padd onto the nightstand. His hands slid beneath the nightshirt finding her bare beneath, he loved it when she started doing this. Usually after a bath she did because it was a way to cool down and she felt incredibly sexy. She sighed with pleasure when he slid a hand over to her already aroused womanhood beginning to caress gently. 

Kathryn felt her body shudder, she groaned clinging to him as he continued to caress her, her insides melting and growing moist. Their lovemaking was sometimes slow and gentle, other times just passionate and like now, starting quick then leading to tender. Their hunger for each other was like a raging fire that couldn't be extinguished, only doused occasionally by the tenderness they felt. 

He then lifted her up and lowered her down on the bed still kissing her. She slid her legs around his hips pushing his pajama bottoms down his hips with her feet wanting him. She could feel how hard he was and her hunger became intense. She tilted back her head as he kissed her throat and opened the nightshirt cupping a breast caressing. She groaned, "Chakotay! Now! I can't wait -" her body shuddered deeply and he kissed her again passionately. She responded and cried out against his mouth, her hips arching to his when he joined them deeply and firmly. She clung to him as he began to move against her slowly at first groaning. 

Chakotay pulled her tighter against him wanting to hold back as long as he could despite Kathryn's passion. His love for her overpowered his senses during their lovemaking, and he wanted to take his time. But at times Kathryn's passion overruled his senses and it was quick with tenderness following. 

So he moved slowly for himself and deeper for her as she enjoyed it. Her cries of pleasure filled his ears as she clung to him, wrapping her legs higher around his waist. He raised her arms above her head as their hands clenched tightly and she lifted her hips harder against his. He groaned as she urged him harder gasping, "Kathryn! Gods, slow down!" 

She laughed, a deep and throaty sound, seductive. She then groaned, "I love you so much I-want you. I just can't get...enough -" he took her face in his hands kissing her deeply as their tongues meshed. She clutched him tighter feeling her release building, she groaned again. 

"You’re so damn beautiful!" he groaned, feeling his own release building. He held back long as he could and began to move harder now. She cried out his name gripping his hips guiding him against her, "I love you -" 

"-I love you!" she whimpered, her body shuddered again. Their passion began to envelop them to such an intensity, they began to groan in synch clinging to each other. When their release finally came, she screamed his name arching her back clutching him tightly burying his face in his shoulder. He groaned as his life spilled into her, his body shuddered against hers. 

He collapsed against her, their skin damp from the passion. He kissed her neck gasping, not believing how intoxicating she could be sometimes. She caressed his back gently kissing his shoulder. After a moment he lifted his head gazing at her, he smiled, "satisfied now?" 

She reached up caressing his face tenderly smiling softly, "oh yes. Aren't you?" He grinned at her and kissed her gently, she responded. After a moment she sighed, "oh, I know you are.” 

"What you do to me," he whispered. "I can't live without you Kathryn." 

"You won't have to anymore," she replied. 

"I love you," he said gently and lay beside her pulling her against him. She curled beside him kissing his chest gently. He ran his hand up into her hair gently, he had a feeling she wasn't done. He sighed, "where's all this energy coming from, my love?" 

"I guess it's because," she replied, "I found my wedding dress today. And, that I love you so much with my heart and soul," then laughed softly. "Besides, you looked pretty good in those pajamas." 

Chakotay lifted his head glancing at her, she smiled brightly. He began to laugh rubbing her back gently. He sighed, "well, it's good you found your wedding dress." 

Kathryn gasped in shock as he teased her, "Chakotay! Oh, that was -" he stared at her. "Well done," and kissed him gently. He responded wrapping his arms around her and they continued to make tender love that night. 

During the next two weeks before the wedding, Kathryn and Chakotay spoke with former crewmembers who called to wish them happiness. The final guest count came in at 105, in which Kathryn informed the hotel wedding coordinator. Gifts also began to arrive and her house was starting to be filled from china to clocks. Some of them they laughed over, especially at the absurdity of Chell's gift. 

Kathryn read from the card as Chakotay held up a small clear box that glowed in various shades of blue within. "He says this will help our chances of fertility -" 

He glanced over at her, still knowing this subject was sensitive for her. But, she was laughing a little, he took that as a good sign. "Do you think we'll need it?" 

She looked at him, taking a moment to think. Then sighed, "I hope not -I am older you know," he walked over to her with the box. He reached out stroking the side of her face, she leaned into his hand. "Perhaps we can try a year from now." 

Chakotay smiled gently at her, "a year sounds good to me." He kissed her gently, then he pulled away holding up the box. "What do I do with this?" 

Kathryn studied it for a moment, and then shrugged, "we could always use it as a Christmas ornament." He chuckled and she smiled, "put it in one of those boxes." She handed him the card, "we'll send our thank you's when this whole thing is over." 

"You sound like it's a bad idea." 

Kathryn looked up at him, she shook her head reaching up taking his face in her hands. "Oh no, my love. I'm so excited for this," he smiled. "It's the thank you's I dread." 

He kissed her hands, "well, what do you say we clean this mess up and go to bed?" 

She frowned, "it's only after 1700 -" 

He grinned sliding an arm around her waist pulling her against him. "Exactly," and placed a deep, warm kiss on her neck. 

Kathryn sighed arching her back to him, "I like the way you think." Then glanced at Chell's gift. "Do you think it actually works?" 

He glanced at it, then at her, "maybe. I plan to make love to you all night Kathryn -" 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, her body tingling at what he said. She sighed seductively. "I've got an idea. How about you finish up while I get ready?" 

He kissed her deeply, she responded pressing her body against his. She groaned softly and began to pull away, "I'll hurry." 

She smiled, "I think it's a good idea," and walked down the corridor to the bedroom. Chakotay quickly cleaned up the gifts and wrappings neatly putting them in their appropriate boxes and placing them in provided containers that they would take back with them to his place. 

When he was through, he made sure all the lights were off and headed down to the bedroom where he found her waiting for him in nothing but her robe. Needless to say, that entire evening was memorable for both. 

It was during that week he convinced her to visit the academy with him. The academy and all its adjoining schools would be empty at this time, aside from maintenance workers preparing the buildings and grounds for the upcoming semester. They would arrive a week after the wedding, almost three weeks before the reunion. 

Two days before the wedding, they packed for the weekend and loaded everything into the jeep. She locked up the house and drove them to the resort where they checked into their private bungalow and finalized the wedding plans. 

Kathryn was nervous now as the day drew closer. She woke up late that night leaving him asleep in their bed wrapping a robe around her nude body walking out to the living area. She opened the glass door to the glass enclosed deck staring out at the star filled sky listening to the nearby roar of the waves rushing against a retention wall. 

She stood for several minutes letting the sea air blow gently through the window she opened, she closed her eyes trying to calm her nerves telling herself this is what she's wanted and waited for since first falling in love with Chakotay over 12 years before. 

"Are you okay Kathryn?" he asked gently walking up behind her rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

She turned to him smiling gently, "I'm fine, just thinking." He was in the robe the hotel had provided each of them. He walked up to her, "why are you awake?" 

He sighed wrapping his arms around her, she sank against him. "I didn't feel you beside me, that was reason enough." She reached up stroking his face. He stared at her, "are you sure you’re okay?" 

Kathryn nodded, "oh yes. I'm wonderful Chakotay. Just...a little nervous I think." 

He smiled, "so am I," and she laughed softly. He did as well, she embraced him tightly resting her head on his shoulder. He held her, caressing her over the silk robe, she sighed shuddering against him. The desire and tenderness built between them, she looked at him and he kissed her gently. She responded as their tongues meshed gently, he slid his hand up untying the robe slipping his hands inside caressing her. 

She groaned clinging to him when he cupped a breast gently. She whispered, "I thought we were going to get some sleep before the ceremony?" 

"I'll sleep in my room tomorrow night," he replied kissing her deeply. He turned her around lifting her up and turned her around pressing her against the nearby wall. She wrapped her legs around his waist, inviting him closer. 

She moaned feeling the cool and smooth siding through her robe, she whispered, "oh, now this is one place we haven't done it." 

"First time for everything," he groaned against her throat. She opened his robe as well kissing his chest. He lifted her hips closer to his, his breath short. He initiated the lovemaking this time, he wanted her and didn't want to wait. He slid his hand down her finding her already for him, he caressed her gently, and a groan escaped her throat. 

"Yes," she whispered, her body shuddering, "please -" 

"-I can't get enough of you," he said positioning himself. They kissed deeply and passionately again as he lifted her up joining them. She cried out clinging to him, holding her balance by gripping his shoulders as he supported her hips moving against hers slowly. "Oh Kathryn -" he whimpered, she felt her release coming as well. 

She attempted to get him deeper and harder arching her hips to his as she clung to him. She cried out feeling her body shudder deeply, her breath grew sharper. "I love you!" 

"I love you!" he whispered kissing her throat and neck deeply. Suddenly they felt their release and she cried out arching her back clutching him tightly. He pulled her against him feeling his own release as her muscles clenched him tightly. He gasped feeling his life spill into her burying his face in her neck and hair. They clung to each other gasping as he closed his eyes. 

"Oh my," she whispered finally, stroking the back of his neck. "That was incredible -" 

He nodded kissing her neck, "oh, yes it was." Then chuckled, "I wonder how many other couples have made love against this wall?" 

She began to laugh, "well, I don't intend to find out." He smiled at her, she took his face in her hands. "I hope we grow old together." 

"We will," he said gently and then pulled slightly away from her wrapping his robe around him. She closed hers, "let's go back to bed. I kinda feel like sleeping now." 

Kathryn grinned, "for a few hours at least," she closed her robe and then he lowered her back to the deck, he wrapped his arm around her waist. She did the same and they went back to bed. 

The next afternoon both waited outside the resort entrance for the arrival of the Paris', Harry, Tuvok, Reg, her mother and her sister. When the ground transport pulled up to the entrance, the music played and several Hawaiian women with fresh lei's walked up to the transport as the new guests disembarked. 

The first one off was Tom who accepted a lei and then B'Elanna. They spotted Chakotay and Kathryn who waited for them. "Chakotay!" He took B'Elanna's hand and headed over to them. 

"Aloha Tom and B'Elanna," Chakotay smiled. 

"Aloha," Tom smiled, “this is great!" He looked at Kathryn, she was indeed more beautiful now than before. "Captain." 

Kathryn grinned, "call me Kathryn, Tom," she opened her arms embracing him. He returned it, she looked at B’Elanna, "B'Elanna you look wonderful," and embraced her as well. 

"So do you," she said smiling, glancing at Chakotay impressed. 

While Chakotay sent Tom and B'Elanna with their bags to the front desk, Kathryn greeted Admiral Paris and Tuvok who brought T'Pel. 

"It is good to see you well, Captain," Tuvok said. 

Kathryn smiled softly, she sighed, "if it weren’t for Chakotay, you won't be here today. How was your trip?" 

"Uneventful," he replied and Kathryn smiled patting his arm.

"Well," she said, "a bellhop will help you with your bags and show you to your bungalow. And Tuvok, don't forget to relax." 

"I am relaxed," he said, Kathryn smiled. 

That's when she saw Harry and Reg Barclay. They embraced happily and she pointed them in direction of the front desk. Then Owen Paris, who expressed his best wishes and how missed she was at headquarters. 

Soon as everyone had their room or bungalow assignments, Kathryn and Chakotay told them they had a few hours to settle in before the celebration dinner in the dining room of the resort. As everyone headed to their rooms, Reg turned back to them. "Oh Captains?" 

"Yes, Reg?" Chakotay asked, Kathryn didn't respond to her former title, but she smiled. 

"Is the Doctor coming?" he asked curious. "I brought my clubs and everything since I heard they have a great course." 

"The Doctor will be here in a couple of hours," Kathryn replied. “But that shouldn't stop you from hitting a few holes yourself." 

"Of coarse not," Reg said. He sighed, "well, I'd better get settled," he turned walking away with his bags to the nearby turbo-lift. 

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn who was quiet he slid his arm around her waist nudging her gently, "Kathryn?” She glanced up at him, his smile faded some knowing the look. Her eyes had a lost look again, "come on, let's talk," he led her towards their bungalow. 

=/\=

Once in their living area she pulled away from him pacing. He watched and waited for her to begin, this was the last place he expected this to happen, especially the day before their wedding. She sighed placing her hands on her hips, "he had to tell me this." 

"What? And who?" he asked.

"The admiral," she replied gesturing upwards. “He told me how everyone's ‘missed me’ at headquarters -" 

"-I'm sure it wasn't," he said, "meant to...” he stopped thinking, she glared at him. "Offend you Kathryn," he finished. She shrugged, "I'm sure he meant it as just as a passing thought." She smiled softly at him, he walked over to her pulling her into his arms, "don't worry about it, especially this weekend." 

She nodded, "your right, as usual." He smiled, "I love you for keeping me sane.” 

He frowned, "is that it?" Kathryn laughed embracing him resting her head on his shoulder. He held her gently stroking her back and kissing her neck. 

=/\= 

When dinner began, the resort had surprised both by moving the entire party into a private room with a balcony overlooking the ocean, white lights strung in the small palm trees and the surrounding larger ones. 

Everyone had arrived by then, Kathryn introduced Chakotay to her mother and Phoebe. Her mother welcomed him to the family, but Phoebe wasn't too pleased. She was polite, but let her irritation show to him that he worked his way back into her older sister's life after breaking her heart. 

Chakotay noticed, but didn't say anything to Kathryn about it. He wanted to talk to Phoebe alone when the chance arrived. Hopefully before the ceremony the next afternoon. 

Everyone dined on seafood, prime rib, wine and cherries jubilee throughout the evening. They caught up on what each were doing and laughed. Kathryn glowed with Chakotay beside her, everyone silently agreed that both looked good together. However, in respect to both, Seven wasn’t mentioned. 

Shortly before everyone left to retire for the night Kathryn agreed to sit and talk with B'Elanna, her mother and Phoebe in their bungalow. Chakotay would stay in his small hotel room that night, but Tom, Harry, Reg and the Doctor planned to visit. Kathryn warned them not to keep him up all night, they agreed. 

Chakotay noticed Phoebe had stood up and walked out onto the balcony with her glass of wine. He excused himself for a moment and walked out to her quietly as she stood leaning against the banister. 

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked softly, she gazed at him. "You don't like me do you Phoebe?" 

"My opinion isn't important," she said. 

"It is to me," he said. 

Phoebe sighed and then looked directly at him, "alright, do you really want to know?" Chakotay nodded, "when my sister came home for the first time in seven year's she should have been happy, but she wasn’t. I caught her crying more than once and do you know why?" 

"Yes, I do," he said softly. 

"You broke her heart," she said, "into a million pieces when you went with that half-Borg. She wasn't ever the same, now after six years you walk back into her life and now you’re getting married? Excuse me if I don’t feel happy for you." 

Chakotay stared at her, he wasn't aware that Kathryn was sitting in her chair inside watching them talk. He shrugged, "okay, you’re right on one thing. I did hurt her, unintentionally Phoebe. I don't know what Kathryn told you, but when our journey ended, she told me she was still in love with me. I had no idea since all those years we remained close friends." He paused, then, "when my wife died suddenly I didn't start to look for your sister for close to three years. I found her not like you see her now, but angry and depressed, very depressed. Mostly on account of me. I got her to trust me again. It's taken her over three months to who she was before we came home. We love each other, since our days on Voyager. But now, it's a deeper, more passionate and tender love. Did you ever talk to her when she moved out here?" 

"Sometimes,” Phoebe replied. 

"And you couldn't tell?" Chakotay asked her. "Phoebe I know your sister better than she knows herself. I’ve been in love with her since first laying eyes on her. When we saw each other for the first time in six year's three months ago, I knew that she needed someone. She needed me. She cried, she yelled, but all I did was hold her letting her heal and get it all out." He smiled, "and she nearly killed me by driving me around in her jeep for the first time." Phoebe laughed, “but it was her way to let me know how she still felt. I'm never going to hurt her or leave her ever again Phoebe. I promise you that." 

Phoebe stared at him, and then sighed, "you seem sincere enough. And you are pretty cute.” Chakotay chuckled. "Okay, I'll give you a chance." 

"That's all I ask," he said and saw Kathryn step out onto the balcony. "We'd better go, big day tomorrow." Phoebe nodded and they headed in, he took Kathryn's hand gently. 

When Phoebe left them, she said, “what were you two talking about?" 

He glanced at her, "just you," and kissed the side of her face. They entered as Kathryn smirked at him as they walked over to bid everyone goodnight. 

=/\= 

When they returned to the bungalow, Kathryn began to change out of her dress into something more comfortable. Chakotay was gathering the rest of his clothes for the night and his suit for the ceremony the next day. He walked out of the large bathroom seeing her standing by the bed in a pair of sweat pants and deciding on a shirt. He put down his bag and walked over to her quickly sliding his arms around her waist. He kissed the back of her neck sliding his hands up her gently stroking her breasts over the bra. 

Kathryn groaned, "Chakotay not now, they'll be here in less than five minutes -" 

"-I can do five -" he said passionately nibbling on her ear. 

She laughed, "-I know you can, but I'd rather wait until tomorrow night." She turned into his arms taking his face in her hands. "I'd rather have more than five minutes, my love. Save your energy for tomorrow." 

He groaned burying his face in her hair, "oh Kathryn you have no idea how difficult that'll be." 

She sighed pressing her body against his, her voice husky, "oh yes I do." She gasped when a hand cupped a breast gently. "Chakotay, wait. Tomorrow night will be extra special -" he kissed her deeply. She responded and they heard the doorchime. "They're here," she said pulling away. She quickly selected her white tank top and matching shirt pulling them on. "Come on," she picked up his bag, he picked up his suit. She took his hand and they headed to the door, it rang again, "coming!" she called. 

Just as they neared the door, he pulled her into his arms kissing her again. Kathryn only wished that he'd be able to stay, but he couldn't. She responded holding him, and then a knock was heard on the door. 

"Chakotay let her go!" it was B'Elanna. He groaned, Kathryn laughed against his mouth. She reached out opening the door knowing if he knew they were watching them he'd stop. The door swung open to reveal B'Elanna, her mother and Phoebe. B'Elanna cleared her throat folding her arms across her chest, "geez, Kathryn. Is he all over you like this all the time?" 

Kathryn pulled away, he looked the other way smiling, "you have no idea -" 

"-Speak for yourself," he said simply. 

"Goodnight Chakotay," B'Elanna said firmly taking his bag off the floor handing it to him. "Tom, Harry, Reg and the Doc are waiting for you. Cool down and you'll see her tomorrow.” 

"Alright," he said, "I get the picture." He looked at Kathryn, "see you on the beach." 

She nodded, "you bet," he kissed her gently and headed out. "I love you." 

He turned back to her with a slight smile, "I love you to," and headed down the stone path that lead to Harry's bungalow. 

B'Elanna entered as Kathryn stepped aside, "geez, he's uncontrollable!" 

Once they were all in, she closed the door with a sigh, "we're both quite active actually and it's not just him B'Elanna." 

B'Elanna stared at her former commanding officer, then she laughed, "well, that's one thing I never realized." 

"Coffee anyone?" Kathryn asked walking past them to the replicator in the small wet bar/pantry. 

Both groups spent the next few hours talking and laughing before saying goodnight. B'Elanna returned to Tom, but her mother and Phoebe stayed to help keep Kathryn calm and to offer moral support. 

The next day the sky was blue with few clouds and a warm breeze blew in from the Northwest. The hotel had the ceremonial area on the beach prepared and was getting the reception room ready. 

Kathryn stood in her robe with her hair done and make up applied gazing out at the water from the deck. She stood with a cup of hot coffee in thought when Phoebe stepped up beside her. "It's a beautiful day," she said. Kathryn nodded, "nervous?" 

She sighed, "just a little, but I'll be okay." 

"Is everyone from Voyager," she asked, "going to come?" 

Kathryn shook her head, "no. We've got about 95. Some are on deep space missions or are obligated to something else or...dead."

"Well," Phoebe said, "it's nice to know that there were some that could make it." They were quiet for a few moments, "he seems wonderful Kath -" Kathryn glanced at her. 

"-He's more than that," she said with a sigh. "He's my rock, always has. Always will be.” 

"So you are in love with him?" 

Kathryn laughed softly, "oh yes, very much so." 

Phoebe smiled, "that's great. Now come on, put that coffee down. You have to get dressed." Kathryn nodded and they went back inside. 

=/\=

The ceremony was short, but beautiful as Kathryn stood before Chakotay in a white Hawaiian form fitting dress with white shoes and a flower in her hair. Chakotay wore a dove gray vest with black flecks throughout, black trousers, shoes and a white silk shirt. They stood before their former crew, family and friends reciting their vows. Tears were shed by both Kathryn, B'Elanna and many others. 

When he was allowed to finally kiss her, he did it with passion pulling her into his arms kissing her deep and gentle. She responded happily as everyone applauded around them, doves were released into the wind. 

During the reception, they danced holding each other close as everyone watched. Kathryn gazed deep into his eyes smiling as he held her and spun her around the floor. She was so happy, tears formed in her eyes. 

Standing near the dance floor Tom and Harry stood watching their former commanding officers dance to their first dance. Both were smiling, "it's about time," Tom commented. 

"Sure is," Harry agreed, "I never thought after he married Seven..." 

"She looks radiant," Reg said coming up to them grinning. "I've never seen her so happy." 

"Oh, you should have seen her on Voyager," Tom told him glancing at him. "She looked like that lots of times when we weren't being attacked or anything like that." 

"He looked the same," Harry added. 

"Really?" Reg asked amazed. "They've felt that way for each other for that long?" 

"Oh, this is no new thing," Tom said. "They’ve been in love for how long Harry?" 

Harry sighed, "ah - let's see. Chakotay, practically the moment he laid eyes on her and Kathryn? I'd say after the second year when we went back for them on that planet." 

"So, why did he marry Seven?" Reg asked confused. 

Tom sighed, "best thing I could think of, mid-life crises -" 

Harry gasped, "-Tom!" Tom gazed at him and they all began to chuckle softly. 

The sun began to set and the white lights strung in the palm trees and lining the ceiling of the glass roof began to twinkle. It became magical and memorable as everyone dined on plateful's of various seafood, a hand-carved roast beef, raw and cooked vegetables, side dishes, salads and of course wedding cake. While everyone ate, they were entertained with Hawaiian hula dancers, fire dancers and a special wedding dance was performed by two for them. 

Later on, Kathryn danced with Chakotay again after dancing with Tom and Harry. She sighed, "everyone's having a good time." 

He nodded, "yes they are. What about you?" 

She smiled, "oh, the best," he smiled and kissed her gently turning her on the floor. She rested her head on his shoulder. "B'Elanna told me she and Tom will be staying an extra couple of days for a second honeymoon." 

"Sounds like a good idea," he replied in her ear. "You’re so beautiful Kathryn." 

She smiled, "I feel incredibly beautiful!" He held her gently, pressing his hand gently into her lower back. 

When the party began to wind down, Kathryn and Chakotay thanked them for coming and would see them at the reunion. The Doctor and Reg took off to play some sunset golf, other's took to the nightclubs or sightsee parts of the island. They, however, returned to their bungalow to change and celebrate their first night as a married couple. 

=/\=

A few hours later after a session of passionate lovemaking, she lay curled up beside him beneath a soft sheet as they sat propped against the cushioned headboard and pillows with a glass of champagne. 

She sighed placing a kiss on his chest, "this has been the happiest day for me." 

"I'm glad," he replied placing his glass on the nightstand beside him. He slid his hand down her bare back caressing gently. "It is for me as well." He paused thinking, "I was thinking that we should buy a house soon, perhaps in Oakland or something." 

"Sounds like a great idea," she murmured. 

"And a dog," he added. 

Kathryn lifted her head staring at him, a smile forming, "a dog?" He nodded, "oh definitely Chakotay!" She kissed him deeply, he responded pulling her up against him. She laughed softly, "an Irish Settler if you please." 

He took the glass from her hand placing it beside his. He wrapped his arms around her moving against her kissing her while whispering, "your wish is my command, my love." Kathryn kissed him back lovingly and they made love again. 

Two days later they checked out of the resort to return to her house and get ready to return to the mainland in four days. Kathryn decided on what to bring with them for the wedding gifts and decided to store the rest here. She had extra clothes, padds, her photo album, their wedding pictures and other needs sent ahead to his place, now theirs, until they were able to buy a house. 

She realized she was going to miss her house and the beach as well. He held her explaining they could come back when the academy went on holiday breaks, the weekends and the following summer. She agreed with him, but still claimed she'd miss it nonetheless. 

They spent their last night making love on the beach and in her bed. 

The next afternoon before they were to beam-out, the house was ready to be closed, her jeep covered and the garden left to fend for itself. She stood on the beach dressed in a pair of beige trousers, white pullover top and white shoes. She scanned her beach remembering her years of isolation and Chakotay's arrival. Their times of play and lovemaking, tears formed in her eyes. They were happily married now, but it felt like she were leaving an old friend. 

Chakotay stepped out onto the deck dressed in a beige linen shirt, black trousers and shoes looking for his wife. He saw her on the beach and stepped down walking over to her wrapping his arms around her shoulders. She sank against him as he kissed her face, "ready to go?" 

Kathryn reached up placing a hand over his closing her eyes, "not really,” her voice broke. He held her tighter, she sighed, "but I have to, don't I?" 

"Everything will be fine," he said gently, he turned her in his arms. "You've come a long way Kathryn from the woman I found over three months ago. Your ready, and you know you are. Now that we're married, we'll always be together." 

She nodded, "your right," she took his face in her hands. "I love you so much Chakotay and I'm so happy." 

"Then let’s go," he said taking her hands kissing them. "And I love you to," he held her hand. "Come on, my love. We should leave so we have time for you to settle in there." 

Kathryn nodded, "okay." They walked hand in hand back to the house together to gather their luggage and then beam back to San Francisco. Once ready, Chakotay pulled out his commbadge activating it, "Captain Chakotay to transporter room two." 

"Yes, Captain?" was the reply. 

"Request two for beam-out," he said, "and additional luggage to the Franklin Street transport platform." He didn't want to transport them into the base grounds, she wasn't quite ready for that. 

"Aye, sir," was the reply. "Stand bye." 

He glanced at her with a soft smile, "no turning back -" 

Kathryn stared at him, she nodded with sigh, "I know." And felt the beam grab her for the first time in a year, she closed her eyes. 

=/\=

When they arrived at his former apartment, now theirs, he opened the doors turning to her. She stared at him, "what?" He then lifted her up into his arms, she gasped in shock. "Chakotay! What are you doing?" 

"Carrying you over the threshold -" 

"-You carried me at the house -" she said. 

He frowned, " -new house Kathryn," and she laughed softly. He walked in leaving their bags at the doorway. "Lights," and they came on. She glanced around her new home while he still held her. "What do you think?" 

She noticed his sandpaintings and other artwork throughout the living area. She saw the balcony beyond the large sliding glass doors, the small risen alcove by the doors that had an armchair and a darkened corridor. She shrugged, "it's nice, but it could use a woman's touch." 

He lowered her to the floor kissing her gently, "you can decorate however way you wish. Hopefully by Christmas we'll be in a house -" 

"-I'll start looking," she told him responding. After a moment said, "Chakotay get the bags," she noticed their packed containers also just inside the doorway. She pulled away walking over to one. "How big is our bed Chakotay?" 

He lifted her heavy garment bag over his shoulder and one of his large shoulder bags. "Smaller than the one at the house, I'd stay at least a queen." Then added with some amusement, "hopefully you won't get tangled up in the sheets here." 

Kathryn laughed shaking her head, "hopefully not!" He laughed, she shrugged, "but the bed size is still good," and glanced at him smiling seductively. He chuckled again understanding the look, she held a pair of new white sheets in her arms. He indicated for her to follow him with his head. She straightened and did as they headed down the dark corridor. 

"Lights," he said as they entered the large master bedroom located at the end of the corridor. She walked around him as he put the bags down with a sigh and his hands on his hips. 

She was stripping the bed, he grinned happy to see her making herself at home. He then turned leaving to get the rest of their bags. 

Within the next few hours, she had the bed remade, their closet arranged, china and glasses put away and her own toiletries in the bathroom. He made them dinner as she changed into her nightgown and robe. When she was finished, she walked into his small kitchen located off the small dining room finding him finishing up their salad. She walked up behind him sliding her arms around his waist putting her head against his back. 

He smiled feeling her, "hello. Feel at home yet?"

She sighed, "with you, any place is home." He turned into her arms staring down at her with a gentle smile. She smiled up at him, "dinner smell's good. What are we having?" 

"Stuffed shells with red sauce," he replied, "some garlic bread and salad."

“Desert?” 

He stroked her face gently, "you?" 

Kathryn grinned brightly, she held him tighter, "I can't wait." He chuckled softly and kissed her gently. She responded, after a moment pulled away. "I’ll set the table." 

"Okay," he replied as she walked over to a cabinet opening it and took out the dishes and glasses. She placed them down, opened a drawer taking out the silverware and some folded cloth napkins. "Need help?" he asked glancing over his shoulder. 

She shook her head, "no, I'm fine." She arranged everything in her arms and walked out. 

When he had dinner ready, he came out with the hot pan of shells and salad finding the table set, candles lit and soft music playing. He put them down on the table looking around for her, "Kathryn?" 

"Here," she replied standing in the raised alcove gazing at the pictures on his wall. He walked over to her and up behind her, "dinner ready?" 

"Yes," he said following her gaze towards the group photo from Ancestor's Eve. 

"We were happy there," she said softly. She glanced up at him over her shoulder, he stared at her. She reached over touching his face, he kissed her hand. "I should have let you kiss me that night -" 

"-Kathryn -" he said softly. "You weren't ready -" 

She shook her head, "oh, I was, just scared I guess." She paused for a moment, "but, I'm happier now," he then pulled her into his arms enfolding her against him. She wrapped her arms around him. "I love you so much." 

"I love you," he said, then pulled away. "Come on, lets eat," he took her hand leading her down to the table. 

Kathryn took to adapting to life back in San Francisco the next several days, but not venturing near the base. Tom and B'Elanna who invited them over for dinner and the Doctor, who wanted them to join him for an evening at the opera, contacted them. They accepted the dinner invitation, but declined the opera telling him they were still on their honeymoon. He understood and suggested another time, Kathryn agreed. Then told Chakotay they'd have to at least go once or he wouldn't leave them alone about it. 

Their evenings were spent making love and long talks into the early morning hours. She was happy and feeling more comfortable with each passing day. 

Late morning a week later she walked into his office finding him preparing his new semester. She knew he was planning on going to the academy later that afternoon for a quick meeting with his department head, since he was back earlier than indicated. He smiled at her as she entered, "bored?" 

She shrugged, "no, not really. I still have plenty to do," she sat on the edge of his desk. 

"Want some company this afternoon?" 

"You want to go?" 

"Sure," she sighed, "why not? I haven't seen Captain Jameson in awhile." 

"You know him?" 

She nodded, "we graduated together and he helped me with my paper on ancient lifeforms from the Tau Ceti system."

He smiled at her, "did you pass?" 

She leaned over to him smiling sweetly, "of course," and kissed him gently. He responded, and then she pulled away. "When do we leave?" 

"Two hours -" he replied, she took his hand standing. "Kathryn I have work to do -" 

"It can wait," she said softly pulling him into her arms kissing him deeply. He responded wrapping his arms around her. She pressed her body against his, "two hours gives us plenty of time Chakotay. Besides, we are still on our honeymoon right?" 

He gazed at her smiling, "yes, I suppose we are -" 

"-And you want to go to the academy," she teased, her eyes glowing. He lifted her into his arms giving in, they kissed deeply again as he walked them out of the office and down the corridor to their bedroom. 

Once inside they began to remove their clothes quickly still kissing. She lay against the bed as he joined her in her arms. He whispered, "Captain Jameson will have to wait." 

She took his face in her hands, "he'll understand," and kissed him passionately as he held her against him. They made love that afternoon before going to the academy. 

=/\=

Kathryn was greeting by Captain Ronald Jameson warmly when they entered his office. He congratulated them on the wedding and she sat off to the side watching and listening as he spoke with Chakotay about the upcoming curriculum, new students and a change in class schedule. 

Once done, they headed down the corridor past other faculty offices to the turbo-lifts arm in arm. She felt good with being on academy grounds and it was empty now of students. Only a few teachers were in the building preparing their room or at meetings themselves. 

"Captain Janeway?" an older voice asked.

Kathryn and Chakotay stopped, she put her head to his shoulder closing her eyes. He glanced down at her, and then over his shoulder, the head of the academy, Admiral Niles Marcus stood behind them. "It's Admiral Marcus -" he told her gently. 

She gripped his arm, "I know." 

"Talk to him Kathryn," he said gently. "It's okay." 

Kathryn nodded with a sigh, she straightened her shoulders turning, and she met Marcus' eyes. "Admiral Marcus." Marcus smiled at her, he walked down to them. "I hear you both got married a week ago. Let me offer my best wishes." 

"Thank you sir," Chakotay said. "We're really happy ourselves."

Marcus nodded, "well, I would think so." Kathryn softly smiled at him, she was still an incredibly beautiful woman. Her hair was lighter and skin darker from living on an island for so long. He couldn't help but envy Chakotay for his luck. He sighed, "so now that you're back in San Francisco, any plans?" 

Kathryn shook her head, "no, not really. Except for finding a new house and making it ours, then a family." 

He nodded, not believing this famous captain would be happy just being a homemaker. She had so much more to give, but he didn't condemn her for wanting to do that. "Well, aside from that?" 

"Sir?" she asked curious. 

"I have a position here," he replied, "open at the school to teach Delta Quadrant species and the Comparative Species to the Alpha Quadrant. Also, Diplomacy Tactics. Now, I know any teacher could probably take the reins to these classes, but you are the most qualified. I'd love to put you on my staff." 

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay who smiled at her, happy for her. She looked back at Marcus, "ah, Admiral, I don't-"

"-Listen, I know you've been on," he said, "an indefinite leave of absence for the last six almost seven years. It could be difficult falling back into Starfleet, but this is the academy, not a starship. There is protocol, but it’s not so rigid here, ask your new husband. We teach young upstarts to be officers, be firm with them. Not with each other." 

Kathryn sighed, she thought about being near Chakotay all day in the same building, perhaps the same floor. It'd be like they were on the bridge of Voyager, just not so close together. "We can talk, sir." 

Marcus smiled, Chakotay kissed the side of her face. "Do you both have time now? Unless you have other plans -?" 

Kathryn shook her head, " -no, not really sir. We can meet now." 

Marcus nodded, "wonderful. Why don't we have lunch?" 

"Lunch sounds good," Kathryn smiled glancing up at Chakotay. 

"This way," Marcus said, leading them to the faculty dining room. 

By the end of lunch, Kathryn had accepted a position as professor to Comparative Species of the Delta and Alpha Quadrants -she tactfully had him rename the class -and Diplomacy Tactics. Her classroom would be in the main building, whereas Chakotay's was in the Sciences Building, but both were attached with a walkway. They discovered her room was directly across from his, with views from the windows into each. That made them both happy since they could see each other throughout the day. She would be teaching basics to advanced for command cadets in their second year through the fourth. 

Before heading home, Marcus told her he'd send her the entire curriculum, student lists and other info for her. And he'd have her reinstated to Starfleet as a professor and maintaining her rank. Her department head would be himself, since he also taught classes on diplomacy and first contacts. 

Both would start the new semester the same day at 0700, which would run until 1800 hours. That new semester would be in four weeks. One week after the reunion. They planned to find a house within those next four weeks because once the semester began, there would be hardly any time to do so. 

They said goodbye to Marcus and left the building late that afternoon. 

Outside, Kathryn stood looking around the campus, her eyes finding part of headquarters in the distance. Chakotay stared at her, "feel like celebrating- ?"

Kathryn glanced up at him, "-why?" 

He shrugged, "your new position?" She didn't respond, "you do want this position, don't you Kathryn?" 

She sighed with a shrug, "oh Chakotay I don't know. This all feels so strange after all this time." He reached out stroking the side of her face, she kissed his hand. "I'll be okay, I know and we'll be fairly close -" 

"-We can have lunch together," he said. 

"That will be the best part," she replied, he pulled her into his arms holding her. She wrapped her arms around him burying her face against his shoulder. She whispered, "I hope I haven't done the wrong thing." 

"No, you haven't," he told her gently. "This was a good step to make." She nodded and they held each other tightly before heading home. 

The next two weeks they shopped for the right house. Finally, they found a two-story colonial located in Oakland that had a view of the bay and the San Francisco Bridge. There was a small private beach, their next neighbor was within view about 100,000 yards on each side, but there was a privacy hedge separating the properties. And there was a yard for entertaining, a garden or children. Kathryn loved it, since it reminded her of her house back in Hana. They agreed to take it. The realtor told them they could move in within the next week, once the papers were signed. 

Now Kathryn wanted to celebrate. 

=/\=

That same evening they sat at the dinner table with champagne and candlelight. She sighed tilting back her head, "oh, and the master bedroom with that incredible view!" He grinned happy she was excited over this. "I never expected us to find such a house Chakotay." She gazed at him, "and did you see that incredible bathtub -?" 

"-Oh, of coarse I did," he said taking her hand gently. "Lots of room for a family." She stared at him, a soft smile still seen. "When you're ready." 

"I did say a year," she said quietly, "and it'll take time for us to get the house settled." 

She paused, then, "perhaps when we buy more furniture we could look for a crib-" he smiled taking her hands. "I mean, having an empty crib just sitting in one of those rooms would look kinda odd -"

He was so happy he couldn’t contain it. He stood up pulling her into his arms, "only if you’re sure, my love." 

She glanced up at him gently stroking his face, "seeing how perfect that house was made me sure. And, we're not getting any younger -"

"-I love you," he whispered. 

She gently kissed him, "I love you to," and he kissed her deeply. She responded as they I held each other, a longing and hunger growing between them. He wrapped his arm around her waist, she did the same thing and they headed to the bedroom. 

They made tender love that night, not holding back. It was a beautiful time for both as she cried her love to him, the emotions deep and powerful for both. He held her as it took her, the tears were brief but soothing 

He kissed her tears away softly as she curled against him holding him against her. She sighed cupping the side of his face, "I love you," she whispered. 

He wrapped his arms around her, pressing his body against hers stroking her back. "I love you Kathryn, you're so beautiful." He stroked her hair, "so, what do you want? A boy or a girl?" 

She kissed his chest softly, "both." 

"Both?" he repeated, she nodded. He smiled touching her face, "that sounds like a very nice idea my love." 

She reached up kissing him softly, "soon as the house is settled, I want us to try. Instead of a year, three months." 

Chakotay rolled over against her staring down at her, "you really think you'll have the house ready by then?" 

She took his face in her hands, "it won't be complete. But our bedroom and the nursery will be the first two on the list." They kissed deeply again as she clung to him, her legs sliding around his hips. She moaned softly as he joined them deeply and firmly again beginning to move slowly against her. She slid her hands down to his hips guiding him tilting back her head as he kissed her throat gently. 

Their transition into making love at times was so smooth and natural it amazed her at times. They knew each other so well, wanted each other so much and deeply at times this was the only way to express their love and passion for each other. 

Her body shuddered and she lifted her hips to his, he held them as they kissed deeply again, their tongues meshing. She gasped against his mouth feeling the ache begin to build tighter, but he still moved slowly against her making her wait. She groaned when he propped himself up pressing slightly harder now. They stared at each other, his eyes were half-closed as he concentrated on her pleasure. She reached up cupping the sides of his face, her breath growing short. 

"You’re so beautiful," he whispered and she kissed him again. He responded beginning to feel his release, he groaned as he felt her muscles begin to clench him more. She groaned again feeling her body shudder deeply and rolled over against him sitting up pressing her hips harder against his. He sat up kissing her throat cupping her breasts gently stroking them. "My Kathryn, my wife," he said tenderly. "I love you so much." 

She groaned kissing his face, "I love you Chakotay, my husband. My heart, my soul," they kissed again deeply rocking gently holding each other tightly. She felt her body shudder deeply and cried out embracing him kissing his neck. 

He felt her muscles clench him tightly and he groaned holding her tightly against him kissing her shoulder as his body shuddered spilling his life into hers. They gasped softly holding each other still sitting, he stroked her back gently. After several moments they gazed at each other smiling softly, he reached up taking her face in his hands. "You'd be a wonderful mother Kathryn." 

She sighed resting her forehead against his, stroking his shoulders. "I know and I'm almost ready. Three months, it's going to seem like a long time."

Chakotay kissed her face, "shorter than a year, my love." He looked at her, "children in that new house will be wonderful." 

She ran her hands through his hair nodding, "yes, they will." He then lowered her back down to the bed, still joined. They didn't feel like separating at that moment, their connection still pulsating warmth. She stared up at him, "and I'm a professor -" he smiled gently at her. "That's one thing I never considered." 

"You said the same thing about command," he told her, "and look how wonderful you became -" 

She frowned, " -yeah, but at least with this position I wont get us lost on the other side of the galaxy," and smiled. He chuckled softly kissing her tenderly, she held him responding and they made tender love again that evening. 

Between the next day and the evening of the reunion, Kathryn and Chakotay searched for their new bedroom and nursery furniture. She found antique pieces for their bedroom and more contemporary for their nursery. The excitement of wanting to become parents within several months led them to tender lovemaking each morning and night, even though they were still taking their boosters. 

They arranged to have the furniture delivered to the house the following week, the day after the papers were signed and they would be there to supervise it. At the last moment, she found their dining and living area sets as well. She also had the rest of their packed items from the wedding and her house sent over now that she needed them. 

During this crazy time, they also spent a couple of days getting their classrooms in order and he showed her how to fill out the student forms for late arrivals. And she was a little nervous about the reunion and wondered what she should wear. 

He suggested the red dress she wore the evening they first consummated their love for each other three months before. She thought it was too revealing, he explained to her it was perfect and now that all knew they'd married, appropriate considering they were newlyweds. She reluctantly agreed, but added a sheer, long red scarf to it so she could wrap it around her shoulders. 

The night of the reunion arrived and both dressed somewhat excited. Before leaving he kissed her telling her how beautiful she looked. This was the first Voyager reunion for her since returning, memories were swimming through her mind as they neared the hotel. 

When they stepped out of the hired transport, Kathryn stood gazing up at the elegant hotel. Some media were present and began taking their picture, an excitement being felt because the famous Captain Janeway had arrived for her first reunion in seven years. Chakotay held her waist gently, "come on Kathryn," he told her gently. "Everyone is waiting." 

She gazed up at him, she sighed, "I know. I can't believe I'm here -" 

"-I won't leave you," he said softly. 

She smiled at him, happy to hear he was hearing what she was thinking. "I love you." 

"I love you," he said and gently propelled her feet forward through the hotel entrance to the large, elegant ballroom located on the top floor. 

=/\=

Upon entering the ballroom, most had arrived. They were shocked to find Harry in attendance, who had postponed his arrival to the Arizona since he'd be gone for the next four years on a deep space assignment. Those who were unable to attend until the reunion congratulated them on their wedding. 

Kathryn smiled happy to be among her former crew. Chakotay stood by her all evening, Reg Barclay stepped up to the bandstand and the music stopped. He scanned the crowd of his adopted family and smiled. He held up his champagne glass, "I'd like to welcome all of you to the Seventh Annual Voyager Reunion." Everyone applauded, "it was seven years ago tonight, that Voyager came home in the most amazing return from seven years in the Delta Quadrant." He sighed, "since then, you have lost a part of your family and gained others. But, I'd like to welcome for the first time since this reunion began, Voyager's own Captain Janeway." 

Kathryn smiled as everyone applauded gazing over at her and Chakotay. Her heart felt warm, she had come home. 

"And, to offer my best wishes again," he continued, "on your recent marriage to Captain Chakotay, something I've heard which is way overdue." Kathryn then laughed softly with tears in her eyes, he held her gently. "Captain, would you come up here and address your family and friends please?" 

She looked at Chakotay, "what? I can't -" 

"- Yes, you could," he told her with a nod. "Come on," he took her hand leading her through the crowd and up to Reg. Everyone applauded again, she looked at Chakotay who kissed her gently. 

She responded touching his face, and then glanced at him asking with her eyes for him to remain with her. He did. She looked out scanning the crowd, picking out everyone, who all beamed at her. After a moment she sighed, "I'm just overwhelmed with being here tonight, with you and my husband" whom you all know." She felt her throat tighten with tears of joy, she held up her champagne glass, "to my wonderful crew, if it weren’t for you wet never be here. And to our past family, who can't be with us no longer or never made it home." 

Everyone raised their glasses in accordance saying, "to family." 

And Kathryn embraced Chakotay. 

She was pregnant five months later. 

FEEDBACK WOULD BE WELCOME!!


End file.
